Sports

Terrible New Yorker Makes Viral Butthurt Video Accusing Patriots Of Conspiring With Giants To Cheat

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Did you know the Patriots really did cheat the other day? Oh yea, it was a big conspiracy with the unlikeliest of accomplices – the Giants. Ya got that? The Giants cheated to help the Patriots win. That’s what we’ve come to with butthurt nation. At least according to some genius New Yorker named Brandon Hubschman, who discovered that Patriots punter Ryan Allen got the timekeeper to give the Patriots extra time on the play clock for Steven Gostkowski’s game winning field goal:

LOL. And people are actually dumb enough to believe this. Then again Brandon is the consummate New Yorker, so his brain is likely filled with guido juice and solar rays from the tanning bed:

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Killer Marilyn Monroe shirt bros!!! Lots of normal men have professionally done photo shoots for no particular reason. This right here is the face of Patriot butthurt nation:

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First of all, let’s point out the obvious – this game took place in New Jersey. The Giants are in charge of the play clock that appears on the TV, not the Patriots.

Secondly, the play clock on TV is irrelevant. The refs on the field have the real play clocks. The clock on TV is just there so we have some sort of idea of what the real clock is.

Thirdly, the GIANTS called timeout before this guy’s fake countdown even ended. Not the Patriots – the GIANTS. And the non-existent, fake clock that he is accusing the Patriots of using up, hadn’t expired by the time the GIANTS called timeout.

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Most importantly, the Daily Snark broke it down for this fan to explain to him why he is getting butthurt for no reason:

“With Danny Amendola catching a pass from Tom Brady on the final offensive snap of the game, he falls down to save clock to allow the team to set up and kick the FG which would win the game. It appears though as if the Patriots were given the 40 seconds after Amendola was ruled down, per usual, but then as the ball was placed by the referee ready to be snapped, the holder signaled the play clock operator with an open palm upward pumping motion, a signal used by many QBs to let the operator know they haven’t been given the 25 seconds after the ball was placed. New England’s holder did this with 18 seconds left on the play clock, which was accurate considering the ball was placed just 7 seconds earlier, with the holder already in position on one knee. He would likely not be in this position before the ball was placed because he of course has to align himself with this spot. Then with the signal, the play clock resets all the way back to 25 with 8 seconds left on the play clock when the Patriots would have been about or already been out of time to snap the ball.”

There have been multiple occurrences of clock malfunctions already this NFL season but the argument that protects the Patriots is the Giants called a timeout right before the kick, therefore by rule the play clock was reset to 25 seconds because the ball wasn’t set again. The rule states you have a guaranteed 25 second minimum of the full 40 of play clock after the ball is set, which it was following the timeout.

Translation – the clock operator fucked up and Ryan Allen told him to fix it. He gets 25 seconds from the moment the ball is placed in a position to be hiked. He didn’t get 25 seconds so he asked for it and received it. Mystery solved!!!

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Bob Kravitz created this monster. He convinced the world that the Patriots really do cheat every game. It’s the reason Big Ben was whining about headphones not working, and the reason the Jets were sweeping the visitor’s locker room at Gillette for bugging devices. Because we own every single ounce of real estate in their brains. God created Bob Kravitz to be the devil. God created Tom Brady to be the savior. And God placed all of us in New England because we are his chosen people, we are Brady’s apostles, we deserve this amazing football team that we have been blessed with, and Tom Brady and Steven Gostkowski will deliver us from evil.

Amen.

 

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Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

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3 Comment(s)
  • Steven Stover
    November 18, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    I’d like to kick the faggot in the raisins.

  • Jake from StateFarm
    November 18, 2015 at 9:35 am

    This irrelevant person is clearly “full of himself” …… laughing at those pics & poses

  • Steve
    November 17, 2015 at 10:47 pm

    If you really want to bitch about the clock look at the fact that it was stuck on 2:10 for several seconds.

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