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All I gotta say about that epic Steelers-Bengals game is that it just reaffirms how lucky we all are to be Patriots fans. We might lose games from time to time, but we will never, ever, ever lose like the Bengals lost tonight. Cincinnati looked like dog shit the entire game before coming back and taking the league with 2 minutes to go, 16-15. Everything that happened from this point on was so Cincinnati it hurts.
First there was this abortion of a 2 point conversion attempt:
After that Big Ben was out of the game and the master of disaster known as Landry Jones came in and threw what should have been a game clinching interception on his first play from scrimmage. World famous moron Vontaze Burfict then took the intercepted ball and for whatever reason ran the other way directly into the tunnel, because…….Cincinnati:
There was 1:30 left in the game, the Bengals now had the ball at the Steelers 25 yard line (easily in field goal range) and the Steelers had all their timeouts. All the Bengals had to do was run the ball three straight times, force the Steelers to use their timeouts, kick a field goal, and then force the magically healed Big Ben (must’ve called up Peyton’s HGH guy when Landry was in) to drive the length of the field with no timeouts in the rain. AKA game over.
But because it’s the Bengals, this had to happen:
Still, Pittsburgh had the ball on the 10 yard line and realistically had 55 yards to gain to get in field goal range. They came up about 10 short, but luckily the Bengals decided to just give them 30 more yards for free. First there was this savage, completely un-Patriot like hit by Burstick:
The play was done. The ball was too high for Brown to catch. The defense did their job. But meatheads gotta meathead. It’s what they do. And when you’re playing for a coach who won’t cut you if you’re five minutes late in the middle of a snowstorm, you’re not afraid to make a stupid play like that to cost your team the game. Still would’ve been a field goal from at least 49 yards out. No easy chip shot.
Luckily for the Steelers, this is the Bengals and it is their job to make sure you win games you had no business winning. The Bengals gave the officials their space while they tried to sort things out and help Brown get off the field. LOL, just kidding. Bill Belichick doesn’t coach the Bengals which means the players started acting like butthurt savages:
Basically Marvin Lewis decided to act like the Mayor of Baltimore and give his players room to destroy. This would never, ever, ever happen to the Patriots. Ever.
Then out of nowhere former strip club legend Adam Jones decided to get into a fight with Steelers “coach” Joey Porter:
Hey here’s a question – why the hell is Joey Porter on the field? Isn’t this the same buttnut who wouldn’t go to the White House because he didn’t like President Bush? He’s a coach now? Good thing Mike Tomlin let him go on the field in the middle of one of the most heated games we’ve seen in a long time so that he could jaw at the savages from Cinci.
This penalty of course gave the Steelers fifteen more yards and set up a 34 yard field goal that was so easy Josh Scobee could’ve hit it. Obviously Chris Boswell nailed it. Then this happened:
I’d say I feel your pain girl. I’d say I know the feeling. But I’m a Patriots fan. I have absolutely no idea what that feels like and I never will.
The bottom line is that all this night did for me was reaffirm that the winner of the Patriots-Chiefs game is going to the Super Bowl. More than likely the Steelers will win next week in Denver. Meanwhile the Chiefs look like the only team in this conference who can give us a game. Too bad their coach is a joke too. I don’t know what the final score will be next week, but I’ll guarantee you this – we won’t ever have to sit through what Bengals fans just sat through at the end of that game. I don’t blame anyone from Cincinnati who wants to convert to being a Patriots fan from this point forward. Please, come join us. The more the merrier. We are a blessed people and we save souls for a living.
P.S. Your teachers who told you that Wikipedia isn’t a reliable source of information were all lying to you. Nothing has ever been more accurate than Vontaze Berstick’s Wikipedia page:
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