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Do you like paying $15 for the privilege of walking around smelling goat shit while having people try to sell you shit you don’t want or need? If so, then you’ll love the Big E!!!
A few years back Mrs. Turtleboy dragged me to this God-forsaken spectacle in West Springfield. It was easily in the Top 5 worst days of my life. I told her never again. First of all, she didn’t even like it. I know she didn’t. No one could possibly have fun at the Big E. But she wanted to go again this year because every time she goes on Facebook or Instagram she sees one of my jackass friends at the Big E with his wife and she says it’s “not fair.”
I reminded her how much last time we went sucked. I told her that all it was was a gigantic infomercial with fried dough. I pointed out that the traffic is worse than Gillette Stadium, and you have to pay some asshole $20 to park on their front lawn. I pointed out that we got stuck in traffic in Warren for an hour on the way home.
But none of that mattered because of this picture:
One of my goon friends at the Big E with the UMass basketball team. This picture completely fucked me over. Mrs. Turtleboy is easily the biggest female UMass basketball fan in the United States. You couple that with the fact that one of my boob friends got dragged there by his wife, and I was completely cornered. So I made a deal. I will go if I can actively build a blog the whole time. She agreed. And so our journey began.
The trip got off to a rocky start. iPhones are an amazing tool and I use the maps on there pretty much every time I leave Worcester. But every once in a while they fuck you over. I entered “Big E” into the phone, it gave me the pin, I hit the button for directions, and it gave me the route. So we started driving, and an hour later we were there!!!
WTF? The Big E has changed a lot since the last time I was there. Apparently it’s inside Agawam High School now? Damn you Siri!!!
So finally we got to the Big E and we had to turn back and head to Agawam because every fucking lot in West Springfield said this:
You know who was loving that? This fucking lady with the red flag:
Why? Because she bought this house in Agawam specifically for this three week period of the year when hundreds of thousands of morons flock to this shit show and she can make bank while people tear the shit out of her yard. All you need to know about these people is that they bought a house specifically so people could drive on it for an outrageous fee for three weeks in September. You have to give these peoples money. It’s the worst feeling.
Anyway as you start crossing the river back into West Springfield the first asshat I saw was some dude in a skirt:
Yup. It was gonna be a long, long day.
So you pay the $30 for this hot date, and what do you get for it? You get the privilege of walking around and seeing one fried dough stand
after another
after another
after another
It literally came to the point where we thought that we were walking in circles. But we weren’t. There just can never be enough fried dough at the Big E.
I’m not trying to hate on fried dough though. I fucking LOVE fried dough. It wasn’t just fried dough stands that were everywhere either. It was sausage
corn dogs
nacho cheese french fries
and of course what 90 degree day in late September would be compete without a healthy serving of cheese curds?
Pretty much everywhere you went you were walking into a giant sea of people who hate exercise and their miserable children who don’t think the Big E is very fun at all.
The Big E is just a giant cesspool of people shoving fried food down their gullets.
Oh yea, and the prices are like a double kick in the nads. Not only did you pay $30 for absolutely nothing except for the right to walk through a crowded orgy of smelly human beings, but you also have to pay $9 for a sausage. And a soda is $4. And guess what? No free refills!!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – any place that charges you for a refill of fountain soda is run by a the antichrist. Especially when your fountain machine is clearly home to a live hornet’s nest. Shit costs about five cents a fill. #FreeRefills.
So we decided to do the only thing in the Big E that was free and didn’t involve walking around with badasses who think it’s still the 1980’s
longtime boyfriends and girlfriends who are drinking hooch that they smuggled in while wearing jorts and a tank top that is partially ripped from their latest bar fight
America loving mother fuckers
and trouble makers like this
The only place that was both free and let me sit down and set up all my fanduel teams was this arena where some sort of horse show was going on. Thank God for the internet or else I would’ve had to invest myself into what was probably the most boring horse show I’ve ever seen. When I first saw that there were horses I was hoping that there’d be some sort of race, or maybe even jousting. That would’ve been sweet.
Instead it was just a bunch of spoiled 12 year old girls from Longmeadow trotting Daddy’s horses slowly around in circles.
Then they picked the winner
And the crowd goes wild!!!!
Once the horse show hooligans stopped kicking the shit out of each other and the police finally restored order, it was time to go back outside. So we walked around and had all these gypsies try to peddle whatever it was they were selling to us. Who doesn’t want Big E gold chains?
or a palm reading
or a “wonder knife”
or the “World’s best dog harness”
or Leon’s cowboy hats
not to be confused with Leon’s leather goods
or a state of the art vacuum
or new gutters
or motorcycle gear
or a spin art frisbee
or a “personality analysis”
and of course who wouldn’t wanna buy some magical sand?
Fun for all ages!!! Because lots of adults I know spend their free time playing with magical sand.
If you wanna cool down a bit and go inside for some shade there are plenty of infomercials for you to watch. Like, for instance, you can watch a presentation about glue
or another kind of glue
or pots and pans
or German pots and pans
and what man doesn’t need a foldable wooden picnic basket?
or some purple shit
or shoe cleaners
or a bed
or an air purifier
or Miracle Whisk
or some beef jerky
or Vitamix
And no trip to the Big E would be complete without someone trying to sell you a mop
I would estimate that one in three morons leaves the Big E with a new mop
and why wouldn’t they? They even let you test drive the mops as the crowd stares in silence and watches you mop.
The only thing more accessible than mops are hot tubs, spas, and pools. I was 90% sure we were gonna walk out of there with a new hot tub
And if you’re not impressed with all this shit you don’t need and certainly don’t wanna pay for, then you should check out the animal part of the Big E. First you will be greeted by a giant cow made out of butter
When we first walked in there was a competition going on about dog trivia. I swear to God – dog trivia. Everything you could possible wanna know from dog breeding to dog shit was fair game. All six New England states were represented in this contest which would answer the question that has bothered us for centuries – which state’s young women know the most about dogs?
the answer by the way, was Maine. Maine knows their dogs. As you can imagine the crowd went NUTS after the champion was crowned:
And the only people at the Big E that were having more fun than these dog expert girls gone wild, were the animals themselves.
Because what dog doesn’t wanna sit in a cage at the Big E for 12 hours a day in the 90 degree heat?
And I’m not sure exactly what was going on, but in the pen directly next to this poor dog there seemed to be some sort of exhibition of the Tuesday night crowd from Breens
After you’re done staring at dogs and Carney’s in a pen, you can move onto the really exotic animals. Like pigs
I have to admit, those pigs do look delicious. Almost as delicious as these spooning pigs
After that we moved on and got to stare at this sheep’s ass
And let me tell you, this horse was having a GREAT fucking time at the Big E
Almost as much fun as this llama who apparently had hay stuck to his face from the world famous Big E glue
If the animal kingdom isn’t your thing then you can always watch plants grow too
or you can read about how milk gets to the market
or find out which animal is in your fat ass weight class
Then finally we came to the grande finale – the New England state buildings!!! All six New England states were represented. Even New Hampshire, you ask? ESPECIALLY New Hampshire!!!
Basically these buildings are all giant circles that morons line up to file through and look at a bunch of shit they’re not gonna buy. They herd you in like cattle and try to get you to buy a bunch of shit that each state is famous for. Like in Rhode Island
Maine
and Vermont
Because what person doesn’t wanna walk around in a circle and look at a bunch of shit they would never take if they paid you to take it?
And don’t tell all those hippies who protest cops in Worcester, but the Massachusetts State Police are there too with their arsenal for democracy
Oh yea, and don’t tell the guy from the apple orchard blog about this sign
Hey, that sign’s not very funny at all!!!! That’s so insulting to women. Not all women shop!! And they’re certainly not dangerous!! I’m gonna post on Facebook and write a letter to the Big E to demand that they take down that gender discriminatory sign IMMEDIATELY!!
Oh yea, and I’ve got bad news ladies. If you wanna take a Big Dump at the Big E, you’re gonna have to wait in a Big Ass line:
Luckily Mrs. Turtleboy doesn’t do THAT.
Finally, what trip to the Big E would be complete without bumper to bumper traffic the entire way back to Worcester??
In conclusion, the Big E is the biggest waste of time and money that has ever existed on earth. Never, ever go there unless you like mops and livestock.
239 Comment(s)
This is an old blog, but I’m just seeing it now.
When I lived in MA, we would go to the Big E every year. We’d find a cheap place to park and walk 5 extra minutes. We’d bring our own soda and water so we didn’t have to waste our money on that stuff. We rarely purchased food from the vendors – though we ALWAYS shared a fried dough. Looked forward instead to eating in the State Houses – incredible and reasonably priced lobstah rolls in Maine, delicious ice cream from? (I can’t remember). Maple from VT. Boiled burgers from RI. Plus you could learn so much about each state and buy things that state was famous for.
Loved the crafts area too. Handmade stuff being sold by the artists. Every year I purchased handmade jewelry from one artist from MA and another from FL. People complimented me so often, I started buying Christmas presents!
And I’ve purchased some things from the Home Show (as seen on tv) that have been really useful.
My late husband loved the hand tooled leather and wooden crafts.
Yes, there is much to bemoan. Yes, there is a disgusting display of humanity there. Yes, there are overpriced vendors and charlatans galore.
Nonetheless, you can have a good time.
Yeah, 1988 ended in…. well…. 1988. Big E is an outdated concept. And just like all outdated concepts (fast food, fairs and carnivals, new england beach towns, etc.) they attract the morons and bottom feeders hoping for some semblance of joy in what’s left of what once epitomized America’s fascination with wholesome amusement.
Next time end the day on a high note, and take rt.20 home and stop at all the tittie bars.
Big E sure brings out the emotions of the basic Masshole. You all need to get out more.
1.) The Big E has been a disgrace and consumerism trap since the late 90’s
2.) The last time I attended was in 2006-with then girlfriend, my mom and step dad.
All four of us were dismayed by
–astronomical prices on everything
—the predominance of boat, jacuzzi and infomercial products
—the complete absence of 80%+ of choice and uniqueness for tents and booths( I used to buy a variety of rock band t-shirts and other rarities)
—-the same dirty and rotting carnival rides (including the banana slide)
—–missing beer battered Apple ring stand with a multi tiered staging( workers at the top peeled apples with antique corer/peelers, then rolled apples down wooden half pipes to the workers below)
——barrels of full size pickles….GONE
——–2 or 3 companies running the food trucks, so it was 10 of the same corn dog trucks, 10 of fried dough,etc.
Same prices for each truck, so it clearly treated attendees like they were dumb and couldn’t figure it out.
This was not the case in 1995
———no more free samples in the State buildings. All samples are overpriced and insulting in portion
I searched high and low for free shows and even a fraction of the choice offered in the 90’s, yet each time I was reminded how the Big E turned into a consumerism trap–devoid of character, genuineness and anything but an exploitation on foolish people that convince themselves otherwise.
The record attendance is only a reminder that everything worthwhile in New England is long gone, so people flock to the Big E out of desperation. The fact it would gain an attendance increase that high when it has much less to offer….
To each their own but if you can’t find one thing to enjoy yourself with at the big e then you are just outright lame and no fun. There is something there for everyone. Maybe you shouldn’t have gone on the weekend when it is clearly packed! I am photographed in one of your pictures. Instead of moping around like a “Debbie downer” and spending all your time worrying about which picture to take next, you may have actually enjoyed yourself a little! If you go with a sh*t attitude, then that’s what you will get out of it! I’m just saying 😉
You clearly don’t have kids. There are lots of rides for little ones and they have a blast there. Without kids, going there to drink and people watch is worth the cost.
Hell yeah “A”, every year with a Be Hoppy in my hand. Kid has fun, and the people watching is world class.
Hilarious
Clam Cakes in the RI house. Baked Potato and Lobster Roll in the ME house. Maple Sugar Candy in the VT house. The Big Yellow Slide. Rides and Games. White Hut stand. Fantastic people watching. After a day at the Big E you’ve had fun, eaten your fill, and you feel really good about yourself. You note as you leave that you are better looking and in better shape than 99% of the people attending. I go every year! This blog made me very hungry and just acts like an advertisement for the Big E! Nice marketing turtle dick.
I never knew anyone could have such a bad time surrounded by fried food…..i guess the fact that the Big E is a 4H fair did not dawn on the blogger. where the judging and competition of animals, and animal related themes occures as kind of a center peice of the whole thing. I also don’t remember a sign out side the fair that says there is going to be healthy food inside. although, if your pissed that had to explore the wonderful word of american excess by using your own two feet, then you probably should not have gone there in the first place. tell your “rock” NO i don’t like it, i would rather be masturbating to the images of celery and bean sprouts. Next time the wifey gets the itch to drag you along to the Big E, don’t go. please for the sake of the people trying to enjoy a day away from work, enjoying a little fried food and the site of some adorable farm creatures. just stay home.
In the Midwest, we call this a “state fair,” but they balance it out with a shit country music concert, which is invariably plowed into by a tornado.
I’ve worked the Mississippi Valley Fair every single year since 2009, and I pray so hard for that tornado. In that time period my ears have been raped by the likes of Lady Antebellum, Darius Rucker, and Montgomery Gentry. Dude, fuck hope…
Hey… I like Lady Antebellum…
Rucker was at the Big E as well.
I live right near the big e and I don’t totally mind it besides the parking and traffic aspect, I tend to go frequently every year I suppose, but holy shit this is so funny and quite accurate.
Wow,
Just when I thought I had met every low life scumbag, then someone like you comes along.
Your disgusting commentary on the Big E, a vulgar and filth ridden account about a sociopath visiting one of the largest true fairs in the country. However I notice that the Big E attracted a huge attendance record of 1,498,605 just this year. So lets compare some numbers.
Almost 1.5 million people like the Big E so much that they went to the Big E, in just a few days.
Your blog on Facebook, that runs daily since 12/ 2013 has amassed an amazing 3,000 ‘Likes’
So 1.5 million people like the Big E, just over a course of a few days. Your total fan base in a year, is equal to the amount of people that enter the Big E in 12 minutes.
Well,, I’m sure the Big E considers you a huge threat. Your blog managed to reach about the number of people who were taking a dump in the toilet over the course of about 8 minutes.
From your tone, vulgarity and self centered egomaniacal waste of words, I picture you to be a 40 year old unemployed guy, who is missing 3 or more teeth, never worked a day in your life, takes a shower semi-annually and still lives in your mothers basement. I bet your mommy still does your laundry for you.
Then to my shock, I see you are married. To a woman you describe as “a rock”. I agree, a rock is probably the best you could do. I cannot imagine any real, intelligent, self confident woman putting up with a wasted amount of protoplasm as you. You are the reason birth control was meant to prevent. But you slipped through. My only thought is that your mommy drank too much, or did to many drugs, or was recovering from your father beating her, that resulted in her passing the products of conception that became you.
Now on your attack, you personally photographed many people. You spewed vulgar self righteous comments about everything that is wrong about the Big E that day. You posted about 20 photos of all the things wrong, and how upsetting it was for you. But you really wasted so much time. If you really wanted to photo document the worst thing at the Big E, could have been done by posting just one ‘Selfie’ .
I notice, while you attack all others, you hide. No photo of you. Never mention your real name. You hide, so you can proclaim this theology of ego oriented opinions, but never say what or who you are. You, my friend hide. So you can ridicule others, but not you. You are a coward.
Then you went on, you attacked more. You posted and ridiculed people using their actual names, and emails of anyone who criticized you. You copied their facebook photos. You posted real names, intimidating people from posting any criticism of the gospel according to you. Again, hiding.
Why?
Your posting of real names, actual photos, and your filth ridden comments are unforgivable, unjust, libelous, slander. You attack others, you violate them, you intimidate them; but you hide. Do you still have a blankie to hold when you are scared?
I can say this to you. I am a USMC that fought for your rite to free speech. I did my time for this country. Did you?
In my service to my country, my only regret is that I protected your rite. You are the poster child of a disgusting arrogant leach on America. I’m willing to bet you are on some ‘entitlement’ program, so you sit back in mommies basement, and never amount to anything your whole life.
Take those posts that identify persons, names, and facebook photos down. Now.
I will protect their rites. Those rites that you have so intentionally and purposely violated.
Take these down now.
You cannot hide forever.
I am a man who has deep respect for my fellow citizens. I have never said anything like this before. I hope, with all my thoughts, that you get treated as you treat others. I hope pain and suffering comes to you, and your family. I hope you watch, as your family suffers the pain of illness or injury. You are a disgusting leach. May your life be void of happiness, may you only feel pain, until such time that you change your values; and treat others, as you wish to be treated.
Coward.
Wow..I think you took this a little too personally.
You must really like The Big E!
I appreciate you serving Thomas, but what in the world does you being a marine have anything to do with the Big E or the content of this blog?
Also, you said you fought for our “rite” to free speech…Are you saying then that as long as you don’t like the free speech that is being displayed, then you have the right to demand it be removed? That sounds like an awfully dangerous setup.
you gotta fite. for your rite. to paaaaaaahrty.
Sounds less like support for free speech and more like a desire for state sponsored censorship. Well sorry Mussolini, this is America. You may think you’re protecting “their rites,” but you’re actually a petulant child who’s hitched his wagon to the wrong horse.
And honestly, anyone who throws being a Marine in your face was probably a fucking POG. Seriously, how many NAMs did you get for sitting at a desk and getting an officer coffee? Because a guy who was actually in the shit, who actually fought and saw his buddies die in some third world hell hole would not be acting the way you are. Staring death in the face has a way of humbling people.
As one serviceman to another, you’re doing the opposite of fighting for free speech right now. Using your service to try and elevate your argument isn’t going to work as well. This entire post is fucking crazy and I hope you use your GI bill to educate yourself a little bit more, at least in English. Thanks.
Thank you!! I have been saying this about the “Big E”xtraordinary suffering for years now . I have thankfully managed to stay away for 8 years and counting, this blog makes me feel less alone.
My favorite part of your article is your trip back to Worcester. Sorry but us folks from western mass don’t need central massholes like you visiting our peaceful area. Keep up trying to impress Boston with your hatred of the countryside of our beautiful state. News: they don’t like your kind either.
Ps. Stop disrespecting the beautiful creature the turtle your nickname should be turd instead because your a piece of sh$&
The Big E. The E stands for ennui…meaning a feeling of utter weariness and discontent; boredom.
Thanks for the pictures and commentary.
I live a mile from the big e. If you live in the surrounding towns. It is a social thing. Yes, it does bring out the trailer trash and southern style folks….but it’s been happening for many many years…which started out as an agricultural thing back in the day when we didn’t get all our shit at walmart. As far as parking….we have to put up with everybody’s crap and all this traffic for 3 weeks practically and the only thing that lets us do that is perhaps the vision of making some extra cash during that time. Not that I stand to make any money from parking, but myself, trying to get to work every morning and get home is a fiasco. Just last week I had to drive to Connecticut to get home like WTF? yes it’s cheesy but they do have some really neat things there. It’s a great way to support your community and a lot of vendors believe it or not are local. since last year and this year had record attendance your opinion lacks credibility in the fact that figures don’t lie. While I do agree on some of your points, and did have quite a chuckle with your writing, your insults to those who have to put up with people like you who drive blindly, obviously since if you just follow the traffic you never would have ended up at the high school. yes, the Big E is a big inconvenience and pain in the ass for me to go anywhere…no one is forcing you to buy anything and I haven’t had hard core people chasing me down. Let’s just say I detest going to buy a new car and I would go to the Big E over buying a new vehicle any day.
Ya gotta admit, the baby pigs are kinda cute, but not worth the hassle or admission price. The two guys with the “Trou” and “ble” shirts would have made more of an impact if they were holding hands the whole time. Of course, then they wold have been beat up by the 70’s guy in the Laconia shirt and the guy in the American flag shirt.
LMAO. The only thing you forgot to mention was the crowd of people surrounding the egg hatchery vying for the perfect view of an egg…rocking slightly.
Hilarious
I have never been to the Big E and always thought I was missing out on something the way people talk about it. Oh boy was I wrong!!! Thanks for making sure I never waste my time. And to those who are “offended” by you – get a life. Seriously.
Ha! Ha! I loved everything about this post!!! So true!!!
If you go to the big e and cant find any fun in it maybe you dont have much of a personality. Lighten up go on a ride, watch the pig races and bet on a pig, milk a goat, eat crazy fried things, take a silly picture in the big chair. Learn how to make good times wherever you are, cause the big e is fun as fuck lol.
LOL. Yeah Turtle Boy…milk a goat.
Sir, when I saw your name replying to a bunch of posts I was expecting an asshole Ravens fan. But you’re a clever fellow.
Then don’t go, but please your opinion of this historic event means nothing to anyone who enjoys it… Talking out your *ss!!!
chuckle! ….you should stay home and cuddle your iPhone next time you miserable putz…. 🙂
LOL UMass basketball. I saw a pic someone posted of some of those guys at the Connecticut exhibit taking pics with the Uconn National Championship trophies. That’s as close as they will get to one in their time there. Big E does suck though, so A+ for rest of your rant.
i love the Big E. I have always loved the Big E, but I grew up in an agricultural environment so maybe it is more interesting to me. Here are a few things I don’t like about the Big E. I don’t like fighting traffic, especially knowing there are so many people in that traffic who, like yourself don’t know where they are going and don’t want to be there in the first place. I don’t like the $15 admission price they charge me just to walk around, but I go at night, after five and get in for $5.00 which also allows me to escape the blazing sun. I don’t like the beer booths filled with men who don’t want to be there but go to get drunk and watch the game instead of spend time with their family. That’s what bars are for.
I love the animal exhibits, the boys and girls who are there are typically voag kids who love what they do and this is a perfect platform to showcase it. I come from a cow town so the smell of goat shit smells like home to me. I don’t particularly like the “petting zoo” but it’s a cool place for kids to see and learn about animals they may never get to see in person. I personally appreciate that much more in a zoo setting though. Animals don’t always like being touched and being fed pellets all day and night for two weeks can make them sick I’d imagine.
My son participated in the parade this year with his high school marching band. That was pretty cool for me, for him too.
I’m a big fan of window shopping so I love all of the merchant stuff. Quincey Market used to be one of my favorite summer destinations every year too. If you can, try to avoid that place. Expensive parking and a lot of walking, merchants, and street performers. At the Big E there is a guy who makes chain saw sculptures that I would absolutely love to own but they’re expensive so I just go once a year to admire the artwork he creates.
A few years back I got to see Brett Michaels play in a rain storm. It’s one of my favorite memories. I was one person in a sea of people who, despite less than comfortable accommodations, became one with the herd and had a great time. I’m like that though, I can have fun in some of the weirdest places. We had an old fashioned photo taken and it sits on my wall to remind me of the good time I had.
I watched a guy peddling his wares for over an hour. Who knew frying pans could be so interesting? I wanted one of those too but alas, too expensive. I did however buy some amazing car wax! I’m telling you, I’ve never had such fun detailing my jeep. I also bought some Cabot cheese from the Vermont building, because I love it. I know I know, you can buy it at the grocery store, but for some reason it tastes better from the Big E. I also bought a delicious bottle of wine from one of the Vendors on the New England wine trail to go with it.
I love the alpaca building with all of its furry knitted creations. I bought myself some of the warmest mittens there. I also got a pair of slippers. There was a jewelry stand that my boss loves so I got her a nice neckace as a thank you gift for being a good boss. She goes every year as well.
One of my favorite exhibits is the quilts. I’ve tried to make a quilt before and failed miserably. It takes a lot of talent to make a quilt and some of them are so exquisitely intricate. I’ll try again someday when I get a sewing machine.
My favorite booth is the beef jerkey booth. He has a lot of good spice rubs, hot sauces and venison jerkey that is out of this world. I go there a lot. They’re open when the fairgrounds has other stuff going on like car shows.
A few years back my dad bought an incense burner that looks like a log cabin. It smells like burning cedar. When he passed away I kept it and I love it so much.
I bought a really cool leash for my dog there. It’s kind of stretchy so if she gets excited and pulls, she has a little bit of elasticity to keep her from yanking her head around. I bought her a doggy hooded sweatshirt too. She loves it when it gets cold out.
I absolutely love going into the spa hangars the Big E has. The smell of chlorine and the humidity inside is delicious. I will own one someday… when my house is payed off.
I like to round my day off at the Big E over in the Midway. Rides and games and blinking lights have always made the end of the summer air a little sweeter to me. The perfect end to the heat of summer in my opinion.
It’s hard for me to imagine anyone could spend an entire day there and not find one thing they like about it because there is so much to see and do. It’s an event, like any event there are things that aren’t fun but to me the good outweighs the bad.
I think it was your wife’s unfortunate mistake to invite you, knowing you wouldn’t like it. If my husband didn’t want to go, I’d find a friend who did and would love it as much as I do. I’m sorry you had such a bad time and I can only hope that it’s because it’s not your thing and not because you’ve lost your childhood whimsy.
Wow this comment is unbelievably long. I guess every rose DOES have its thorn.
I love the Big E, I go every year. That being said this article was pretty much spot on and freaking hilarious. For everything I love about the Big E, there is everything you listed here. For the people whining about this, get your 350lb disgusting body of your freaking rascal scooter, put down your turkey leg and foot long dick on a stick– err corn dog (that my tax money likely paid for via your disability payment or EBT), and grow a freaking sense of humor (and then go to the doctor and get your cholesterol checked).
On an unrelated note, does anyone else find it disturbing that one of the most corrupt states in the country is outfitting their state police with armored military vehicles? Just saying. (Yes, I live in MA, and no, the state police have no business with military equipment).
The Boston Marathon seems like a pretty good excuse as to why the state police should have them
Turtleboy must have had a blast on the rides, and getting suckered into paying to play impossible games with stupid prizes. Not a single photo or complaint in regards to either of those. If you’re going to have a blog bashing nearly every part of the fair, you should at least be thorough. Rides and games are a big part of any fair.
It’s NOT a skirt, it’s a kilt. Kilts rule ass hat!
I can’t believe that people get upset over this post! Clearly it’s meant to be funny. If you don’t find it funny, you are taking things way too seriously. There is much truth to this. I have never been because I can’t even imagine going to something like this, it’s just not me but how can people be mad at the guy for writing a hilarious article with some truth to it, most of it is actually fact. Lighten up and laugh.
If you have never been, then how can you possibly say its true?
I think it’s the fact that he’s bashing the big e…instead of just making fun of it…he’s hating on it. There’s a difference.
LMAO…You are an idiot…in fact THE idiot. Why did you stay for so long? Why did you see so much? Obviously, you are just some bored dope that enjoys keeping your wife happy because you have no backbone to just say no….BUT it is quite obvious you do know how to swear, so congratulations to the Worcester school system for pumping out such intelligent people like you.
I have made my living at shows like this for many years and I appreciate and value and respect the people that attend. The parents and families that go and appreciate the entertainment, exhibits, learning experiences and energy the crowds bring. It is sad that you are so unhappy and judgmental of others for enjoying themselves. Why waste so much money on parking, admission and food if you hate every aspect of it? It is also my experience that people like you…the people that whine and moan and complain about everything are the same people that engage MOST in the things they hate…it is evident from your idiotic comments regarding fried dough that you love it and most likely both plenty of it! You would never brag or even comment about all the good stuff you bought from the vendors there…but why wouldn’t you…you had negative comments about everything and did it all anyway…so how much stuff did you buy and take home?
It is usually the people that hate most about their OWN lives, that they try to deflect and hate on others for!
Vince here for the SHAMWOW. Take it easy
Hey buddy why didn’t you just not go? If you know the fair sucks, in which most of them do then don’t go. I hate fairs and parades mostly because they attract morons and people who like rocking clown shoes. It’s like those conventions they have at bayside where they hawk you all the crap in the state and you can never find anything you’d wanna buy. I guess that’s one way to spend you’re weekend. If you wanna blow money real quick there is a horse track in revere called Suffolk downs. Better then walking around with sweaty people.
Good luck
I used to work as a vendor at the Big E. I think my experience was very different from yours. I would wake up, grab a coffee, and apples. My first stop was Karen, an Asian elephant. That is where the apples went. Then on to the spot where I would spend the next 12 hrs dealing with disgruntled folks like you. Occasionally there would be a something positive. One person actually came back after seeing my presentation a year before with a laminated article referencing my product for me as a gift. My buddies ex wife comes in with the kids on the second Saturday, every year, and I always break my pitch to stop and hug them. In the years that I worked there, I have met so many amazing personalities that it is worth it to deal with the traffic, lodging, etc. Hey, it’s hectic, chaotic even, but let me know when you can find a job where your coworker weighs in a 4,000 lbs and sifts through your pockets looking for apples. I will take that over a “regular” job any day.
Karen is actually a African elephant and weighs closer to 6,000 lbs.
Really? Are you seriously fact checking the ethnicity and weight of an elephant?
“My first stop was Karen, an Asian elephant”
That’s a sentence I never want to hear in an adult movie.
Don’t you think its going to be funny when you are subpoenaed with a law suit for slander, and battery. Unlawful use of peoples images. Not by one person but like a group of lawyers. Like the big e lawyers, lawyers from all the major million dollar business’s you insulted. Not to mention all the poor penny crunchin patrons that will be involved in. A class action lawsuit
Finally, took this long for a lawsuit statement. Going on three days of comments now?
OK, James Sokolove. Calm down. There’s not going to be a lawsuit, because saying things were boring, stupid, and overpriced aren’t slanderous.
I love how the comments defending the fair have a bunch of up votes, and those bashing the fair and/or defending TB’s take have a bunch of down votes. It’s almost like an army of butt hurt mop/glue/spa vendors summoned up a posse to defend their meal tickets.
These comments are A+. The same people telling you not to come if you’re going to complain are reading your blog and commenting.
and you’re doing the same thing
But I would wager they enjoy the blog.
HA you’re a moron for spending your time taking pictures of vendors and complaining about it on a blog. grow up and do something successful with your life. ☺️ I was one of the vendors and let me say I made a lot of business at the big e, so stop bashing and do something productive.
I’m sure you fleeced a lot of suckers with your wonder mops.
Wahh wahh wahh! My name is nobody and I love to complain about situations I put myself into. Wahhhhh! I hate food! I hate animals! I hate heat! I hate driving places I choose to go to! I hate when I have to drive home instead of walk! $15 is so much money! Why do people like family and friends?? Family and friends are so stupidddd! Especially when you have to see them on a sunny summer day without a cloud in the sky!! Wahh!! What did I do to deserve this?? I hate that I have 5 functioning senses! Wahh!! I hate smelling bad things!! Eww goat shit!! I like smelling good things though! But ewww fried dough smells so baddd!! Wahhhh first world problems are terrible!! Why can’t I have third world problemssss?? Wahhhhhh shuttle me back to Worcester where I can relax among the abandoned mills and railroadssss. Wahhhh I asked for dietttt. My life is ruineddddd. Grow up you hick who does hick things but loves making fun of hick things because then it means you’re not really a hick especially because you hate smelling goat poop that you walked over to smell with your two legs that work and your nose that smells. Man. You’ve got it bad. Like top 3 people who have it worst in this world. Top 3 for sure.
If you could just never talk again, that would be great.
Hahaha you still own an iPhone! What a “MORON!”
So, I doubt I could sit here and convince anyone who dislikes the Big E if you already have this predisposition for it to have a sudden epiphany and love it. A lot of my friends also don’t enjoy it and I get it. I go by myself all the time. Though, as a long time fan of it I’d like to throw in my opinion. This year I went 6 times and actually decided against a pass as I don’t go on weekends anymore. So, weekdays after 5pm I paid 36 dollars total in entry tickets. I don’t pay to park as I just go ahead and park around one of the plazas near Big Y which I think the extra 5 minute walk to gate nine is worth 10-15 per day in savings which is about what I spend on food. In total I spent a little under 160 for 6 Big E trips and was stuck in traffic only once on Springfield day (rookie mistake). As a local though, I know the best routes to take and dont need to be funneled in through the Pike. I actually used to sneak in every year up until I was 25 until my willingness to be risky at anything diminished (very easy to sneak in if you know the spots). There are GREAT food spots especially in the state buildings. I was a little bummed that the Horseradish Bacon and pepperjack grilled cheese was gone as well as the lox bagels from the Mass building. I found a couple great substitutes though. I love sneaking in my whiskey, picking up an apple cider slush from VT (large for $3) which goes great with said whiskey. I could go on with my favorite foods (Not normal faire foods) or things I love to check out but It would get kinda long. Basically, I think there’s a right and wrong way to do a BigE trip just as there is a right and wrong way to do a beach trip. A beach trip can be fucking miserable if you don’t prep properly (Or if you are already predisposed to have a miserable time than forget it). I’d recommend that if you ever go again, try to go with a local who knows the in’s and outs.
My problem is I understand your humor. Great stuff. I see that in doing what you do, you provoke people into reading and commenting. Something I’ve never been able to do on my own blog even though I write humor as well……not as cutting edge as yours, but still relevant with regard to current events, Seems like readers enjoy commenting on stuff that tend to piss them off more than what makes them laugh. Go figure.
The Big E has been around for years….. I am one of your “Morons” that tries to go each year. I guess you were a “Moron” for a day also!! I do think that comment/name is a little harsh on your part, but to each his own. You know the old saying “it takes one to know one”! My opinion is the Big E has it’s ups and downs. Yes, I think it is expensive, not so much the Admission but the Initial cost of what the Merchants are trying to sell. Hey! they are trying to sell their products! Do you think they enjoy talking to Moron’s (as you put it) all day? I will admit I am guilty of buying one of the Mops they sell, the Smart Living Steam Mop. I brought one about 3 years ago and I absolutely love it. I found the Mops again this year and upgraded to their new improved (Handle) Mop, and I absolutely love that also. Many of my friends have borrowed my first Mop and they absolutely love it…..so not all is bad! You have to love Animals to enjoy them…..so apparently you are not an “animal lover”…too bad, your missing out! You complain about the smells….again, apparently you are not a “Farm” person, so you’re a “City Folk”, again to each his own! Too bad, you don’t appreciate our Eastern States, which, by the way, is what the Big E was called years ago, “The Eastern States Exposition”! I’ll bet you visit those States as a Tourist though? It’s nice to see what these States are famous for.all in one place. I do enjoy the Buildings, yes they are crowded…”hell” I had to rent my husband a Scooter for the day as he is undergoing Chemo therapy every 21 days, it was very hard for him to maneuver a Scooter around those buildings, a little more room in the aisles and direction arrows might work, but other than that, it’s OK. He brought himself a Dell Lemonade (famous only in RI) in case you didn’t know…and working with a very after Chemo sensitive stomach it settled his stomach right out! He also was able to get himself a hard to find Vietnam War Veteran Hat, of which he fought for our country along with many others that attended the Big E… “Morons” as you say we all are! One last comment I don’t know where the hell you parked but we only paid $10.00 (close to entrances) for Parking, so who’ the Moron now? And, it’s not our problem that you had to head towards Worcester, MA to go home! As for the Eating at the Big E and those prices, again, who’s the fool that pays those prices, next time pack a Picnic Lunch, no one is forcing you to dig into your Pockets to indulge! So, all in all, you have a right to your comments, I don’t think the “Name Calling” is necessary! I just want to say “you with your Negative Attitude, keep it to yourself and do yourself and us Morons a favor and stay home next year!
Yeehaw Dirty Genevieve
So, the blog going to King Richard’s Faire any time soon?
What were you expecting? It’s just an overrated state(s) fair. Surprise, there are trashy people in New England too… and the shit stinks. Imagine what the fairs are like in Texas, or South Carolina, or New Jersey… God I hope they don’t have a state fair in New Jersey.
Buck up. The Northeast isn’t free of trash; we just do a better job of hiding/ignoring it.
They have a state fair in New Jersey. I smell a road trip next year, just to see if it’s possible for New Jersey to smell worse than it already does.
Whine, whine, whine. Geez. No one forced you to go
I have been going to the big e my entire life…not to spend outrageous money on things I don’t need. 24 years ago I met and fell in love with my husband at the big e ….every year we go back for our anniversary. Nothing much ever changes but it is still where we fell in love….
Turtle boy….I feel sorry for you…you are an angry man I don’t know what happened to you but you need to find god in your life…and love…. I will pray for your soul
Beyond hilarious how angry some of the comments are on here. Look, I’m all for traditions and enjoying certain things because of the nostalgia, but walking around in deadly hot weather for hours just to eat deep fried unhealthy crap on a stick and slurp $4.00 dollar sodas while New England’s finest examples of inbreeding stagger around with their fanny packs and fading Ed Hardy shirts on is time well spent somewhere else.
Please due those of us who love the Big E and Stay the fuck home and don’t come back.
Do.
Do those of you a favor.
You’re calling other people morons? You went on one of the busiest days at the worst possible time. Of course there was traffic and crowds. You blindly followed your GPS and STILL didn’t even end up at the right place on the first try. You paid $20 to park, LMAO. You, sir, are the moron.
I moved to the West Coast 7 years ago, probably haven’t been to the BigE in 10. This blog made me realize I’m not the only person who walked around that dumpster fire wondering, “Why am I here?”
Most awesome blog about the Big E ever. I was starting to worry no one would ever soeak the truth in public and I was a bad person for desperately trying to change the subject any time my kids brought it up: “HEY LOOK KIDS, A UNICORN, MADE OF CANDY!!!”
The morons there are almost as bad as those morons who make up stupid nicknames for themselves like “Snakeman”, “Hawk” or “The Hawk”, or “Turtleboy” for example. Its easy to hate on everything in life. It means you never have to strive to participate in society. A “hater” can sit in his basement playing video games, blogging hate and criticizm about anything outside his dingy ass basement, while building an undefeatable fantasy sports team without ever having to participate in life! Now, I’m not saying one should participate in life. I think if a person is a miserable prick he shouldn’t have to justify it to anyone – its his miserable existence to live. I just feel bad for the woman upstairs who doesn’t know what she doesn’t know, which is that her miserable prick is not the catch of a lifetime she thinks he is because she doesn’t know any better. Its just an unfortunate scenario for that certainly wonderful lady is all.
Now, I will admit, there is a lot of animal smells, snakeoil salesmen, and fried dough at the Big E. A lot. But, so isn’t there at every fair, carnival, and sporting event we as humans attend. Whats the difference between The Big E and Fenway Park? There’s an overabundance of of fried food at both, both smell like piss, but at Fenway, the snakeoil salesmen don’t wait for you to come to their booth like at the Big E, they actually stalk you at your seat, walking up and down the aisles with their fake Boston accent, handing off your food to all of your row-mates’ hands before it gets to you. Hands most of which were just in that piss stank bathroom without being washed. But do we conplain about this? No! Because its Fenway Park and despite the monotony of sitting under the scorching sun through 7 1/2 innings of boring ass baseball with no commentary from Don and Rem-Dog (nickname) its a tradition, a New England institution which makes us all go outside, forces us to talk to other humans, socialize, experience life and, well, keeps us from Breaking Bad. While I respect your opinion to hate shit, I say just the same, get a life man. “Shit” ain’t that bad. Especially if your taking it all in from the confines of a brand new hot tub!
1) We here at Turtleboy Sports are on record for hating everything about Fenway Park. We’ve written countless blogs about it.
2) The difference between Fenway and the Big E, is that at Fenway you get something for your money. The best players in the world perform in front of you and the results matter. You get literally nothing at the Big E except for the right to buy more shit.
Pretty sure he was just using Fenway as an example of all sports venues. You spend probably more money there on less SHIT ($9 16 oz Bud Light ring a bell? after your $60+ ticket). And I am a sports fan and have been to several events, but you can’t deny if you went there and took random pictures as you have above, you wouldn’t find the same level of MORONIC class as at the Big E in those photos… ie. a bunch of overweight, drunk, sports team tattooed people who pray to Jeter, Manning, Lebron, etc, men, who are doing no more SHIT than an every day person who is good at their job and getting over-payed for it. Oh, and don’t forget the $50 t-shirt, $75 sweatshirt, and $13 keychain before you leave the stadium.
Included with admission price:
concerts….(if you like who’s playing for “free”)…there’s petting zoos….the circus….car shows….parades….seeing the Clydesdales….horse shows…dog shows….pig races….this year was “The grizzly experience”…looking at animals…learning about them….watching the baby chicks hatch….walking through Storrowtown…learning about “back in the day”….alot of stuff many people enjoy. Maybe YOU don’t enjoy that stuff..but plenty of people do. Doesn’t mean The Big E sucks!!
…..we can pig out on different foods…try something new each year….start xmas shopping….it’s a good time!! And a family tradition for us since I was little. I look fwd to it every year.
Also…you can get discounted tickets ahead of time…and if you park at gate 9…which is almost always NOT full…its $10.
Oh…and the traffic….both days I went…I hit zero trafgic
This is great.
Nice attempt at copying Barstool Sports. I can probably describe the kid who wrote this article. 30 years old, white, trying to make it out of Worcester (id rather live on the big e grounds), has a deskjob and a lot of free time to spend writing about a fair. It’s funny how you went to the big e with the intent to write this blog and took about 3000 pictures. Hard to enjoy something when your snapping pics the whole time. At least you didn’t take any selfies so we didn’t have to see your zit face.
The only thing missing is a selfie. Great article. Thank you for sparing me the hassle of going.
For some reason as a kid I loved going to the Big E. Or maybe I was *told* I loved going to the big E. I remember begging my parents to buy little trinkets like balsa wood planes, or matchbox cars, or once we took ‘old fashioned’ photos. It was magical.
Then I went back as an adult. Hmm .. either things REALLY changed, or I wasn’t remembering the whole picture.
For years, I owned a retail store on the MA line. For the six weeks or so the fair was open, I had hardly any business .. not because people were *going* to the fair, but because traffic in the entire greater Springfield area was forced to kowtow to the big E traffic.
Sept was always my crappiest sales month of the year.
Leon’s hats Leon’s leather have the same web address on their banner. while i appreciate the gist of this article stating “not to be confused with Leon’s leathers” when it is clearly the same outfit makes it look like you’re just not paying attention.
Oh my God my brain hurts so much from reading this fucking comment
You sound mad they wouldn’t accept your ent card?
What’s an ent card?
Ah, failed attempt at a welfare joke. Lolz.
You forgot the generators and the diesel fumes
That was one of the best things I have ever read….Luckily I didn’t have to go this year! 😉
By the way, I can get in free and park for free, and I still don’t go anymore….
Well the ticket price is a bit high but the infenstructure to keep the grounds as clean as they are takes man hrs along with insurances fuel power as runs high if it was so unliked their would not be as many for attendance. I have been to many fairs worked at my local fair volunteer and paid for years.
Anybody who actually likes the Big E is to stupid to realize how bad they’re being taken advantage of….they were taken there as a kid..just like i was..but not all your local traditions are good ones…don’t be afraid to decipher which are good and which aren’t. Everyone that loves the BIG E also loves the Cape i’m sure..hey lets all rush down to this small area where it takes literally forever to get anywhere and way overpay for everything. New England has some wonderful time honored traditions that i’ve gotten to enjoy with my family. .but also I’m educated so i can form my own opinions about which are the enjoyable ones and which ones aren’t. If you wanna overpay to smell rednecks and cattle ass…well its your god given right as an American to do so…but i myself gave up about 5yrs ago at the Spencer fair with almost the exact same experience. And it just further proof once you get west of Worcester the likelihood of inbreeding becomes a very mucha reality. Although my girl and i did keep ourselves entertained with a game fanny packs vs. Mullets..the final tally 8 to 3 mullets. However people wearing a Jeff Gordon jersey were the clear winner of the day..
A lot of people just don’t find it a hardship to go to a fair one day out of 365.
Do you think you’re special for thinking this? I’m actually from western mass and know its a horrible place. Hasn’t changed for years.
One one bitter fucking person ….. Do us all a favor and stay the fuck out of Western Mass. Hope your car overheated on your way home !!!
“You’re”
This is my *favorite* response to comments that have an excessive amount of exclamation points. It always applies.
*you’re
*You’re
You know what else is a big giant infomercial? Turtle boy sport’s website.the ads are ridiculous I’m done with this blog because of them.
Good Shit!!!
So true. Yet I get robbed every year by that place…
Ah, how I do miss the Big E. The California State Fair just doesn’t even measure up. That kind of stuff is most definitely not for people like you. I’m sorry that your wife made you go. Personally, I enjoy people watching. I have made all of those observations that you made. I get a kick out of it.
I like the E but your comments are funny and mostly true. LOL
Personally, most of the language you use really makes you seem like the moron here. The Big E is a wonderful experience that 1,481,917 people attended in 2013. Now to generalize that all of those people are morons who love smelling goat shit, makes you sound uneducated. My friend and I attended this year, brought in our own booze, paid $5 for parking, $15 to get in, and $8 each on food.. if you can’t afford that for all that they offer, I don’t know what you do for fun for much less (sports events I would imagine, which, hell those are *cheaper* aren’t they? and full of class as well). We spent 3 hours there. If you would open your eyes, the Big E is more than about the food/smells, and more about the agriculture, New England lifestyle, and a lot of local vendors (but you probably close off to that because you focus on the negative). Take the time to learn WHY they have all of this stuff here, but you probably won’t. If YOU don’t like it DON’T attend. If you were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t want you to be there with me anyway because it would probably be MISERABLE. There are all different types of people in the world, and honestly, if they were ALL like *you*.. I wouldn’t want to live here.
Local vendors, like leather/t-shirt/hat manufacturers from Florida?
Another brilliant person behind the computer screen.
No. Florida would not be termed as “local”.
Hahaha.. loved it
Haha you hate the big e so much… But you managed to stop and take a picture of everything…I dont know how you can be so miserable there. You can always not go, and as for assholes like me who park cars on our yards. Hey FUCKER I will see you next year and your still gonna have to park on my yard!!! I love robbing shitbirds like you of your money. Lmao
And the money you make is probably just enough to cover the cost of resodding said lawn after those cars tear it to Hell.
What an article. Whoever wrote this must have a really bitter life. It’s hard to believe anyone would spend this much time and effort documenting an experience they hated. But thats just the world we live in I guess. The Big E is a good time, only a few weeks a year. sure its overpriced but its just a stupid fair. I dont see why you would get your panties in a bunch over it. You should try to live more optimistically instead of going total bitch mode and writing an article disparaging people you’ve never met. You sound like a judgmental cocksucker.
“Whoever wrote this must have a really bitter life. It’s hard to believe anyone would spend this much time and effort documenting an experience they hated.”
It’s not really that hard to believe because that’s how humor works, stupid. If he loved the big E, would it have been anywhere near as funny as it is? See, that’s how humor is done. If you don’t believe me, just ask Jim Norton, Greg Gutfeld, or Adam Carolla. Their books are full of humor like this and they don’t have any problems moving units to say the very least.
I love Jim Norton. Possibly my favorite joke of his…
“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover? That’s why books have them, stupid! And if there’s a girl on the cover sucking a cock – it’s porn. And if the girl’s sixteen and the cock is black – it’s GREAT porn!”
For those of you who fail to understand how humor works, neither I, nor Mr. Norton are endorsing child pornography. It’s an absurd statement meant to elicit shock and laughter through an emotional response. I should not need to include a disclaimer, but the 200+ responses to this blog entry seem to prove otherwise.
The fucking llama and glue comment sent me over the edge. I grew up in Springfield and now live in South Boston, we went last year and had a blast. We find if we skip a year it helps make it fun. Also, you didn’t go on the rides?? Granted, most look like they are going to fall apart as your riding them, but shit, driving through Springfield at night is more dangerous than fair rides!! One hint to save your sanity if you do go…first enter through Agawam, park at Dave’s Soda & Pet Food City, $5.00 last year. Easy walk to the back gate. Second, go in the afternoon and leave when they close! Not nearly as much traffic or people! We went last year on a Saturday, got there around 1pm stayed until closing and drove back to Boston like nobodies business!!
You made my day. 🙂
This was hilarious!!
Ok. This was somewhat humorous given that the Big E is filled with individuals from all walks of life – to each his own. However, for all of those folks complaining about one person’s opinion – wow, get a life. I’m sure you all piss and moan about your crappy lives, boring, whiney spouses and useless kids. So get over it. Go outside and get some fresh air (that doesn’t smell like goat shit).
I love your snarky humor about the Big E. My daughter was in one of the pics at the Dog Bowl. Maine won that round but New Hampshire won overall. How do I know? Because New Hampshire always wins. Why does it smell really bad at the Big E? It always does. It has become know as the agricultural fair to buy anything double deep fried and fill yourself beyond gluttony. I’m glad I was able to get in free.
I actually was going to Six Flags New England on Sunday, 9/21/2003, getting stuck a traffic jam on the South End Bridge going across the river… needless to say all the cars were going to the right onto Route 5 while we whisked past them on our way into Agawam. Loved your photos and descriptions here, what a waste of time and money… like some lame-ass carnival without any of the thrill rides! Anyways my grandparents live in Longmeadow, they say they “know the back way in” to the Big-E. In any case I don’t really care I was probably there in like 1991 or some time very early in my existence. Never care to go back!
You’re a moron with obviously way too much time on your hands. You knew you hated the Big E yet you went anyway, only so you could bitch and moan about the experience you knew you were in for? Get a life bud.
Not really sure why everyone is so worked up, it’s just a guys opinion. He’s entitled to have one. I’m from West Springfield and agree with most of this blog. It’s an alright time but certainly not anything to write home about. Most of the appeal is not in the actual booths and things that are present at the Big E but driven by nostalgia which is a perfectly fine reason to enjoy something. No need to freak out and curse, if you love it so much, write a blog about how great it is.
I would like to be informed on who wrote and took photos for this article seeing that one of the peopke in the article was not informed they werw being photographed and it is a terrible degrading photo of them this is absolutely rediculous to have people as stuoid as you posting such terrible pictures the woman eating a corndog do see nt know shes being ohotgraphed as you can tell because hes hiding his phone behind a water bottle is my step mother and she is a wondeful pwrson. If i posted a photo of your wife mother or sister shoving a corn dog down their throte im surw you would have akot to say
Ha holy shit this is internet gold
LOL! Hilarious!
Stay home next year. Your the kind of trash that ruins the Big E. It used to be a fun place and still is if all the trashy tourist like yourself stop coming and ruining it. Get a life and stay in your hole in the dumpster of Worcester.
*You’re*
I was really hoping for a pic and a snark on the egg hatchery.
So funny you mention that. We wanted to but there were too many morons in front so we couldn’t even get up there. Exciting stuff at the Big E!!
Great job of lampooning, unfortunately too many readers lack the reasoning to understand the concept.
My wife from PA came to CT about 10 years ago and wanted to go. I warned her about everything you posted about and she insisted on going. She will never go again. The post couldn’t be more spot on. It has to be the trashiest place in all of New England. I laughed reading this and it was a friendly reminder to never go back or expose my children to it.
Stay at home u dumb ass your the moron that drove all the way from Worcester just to go to the Big E and have all stupid ass comments about the place yes it’s crowed that’s the fair !
Your comment has Big E written all over it. You are exactly the type of person I like to avoid.
you need to get that sand out of your gaping vagina and learn to enjoy things. i don’t like the big e by any means but when i do go with a friend or two i can still enjoy myself. Jesus and i thought I was a miserable fuck. you, sir, are light years ahead of me.
“Jesus and i thought I was a miserable fuck.”
Let me get this straight: You talked to Jesus, and agreed that you yourself was in fact a miserable fuck?
I loved you in “Deliverance”
Holy fucking crybaby bitch!
Stop being such a fucking pussy let your balls drop and grow the fuck up. I haven’t seen that much whinning in my 19month old son
Nice job replying to your own comment, genius. Next time let your one and a half year old (and that’s how old he is, you pretentious fuckstick) do the typing. It’ll probably be more coherent and better spelled.
BWAHAHAHA. My favorite comment ever. I just saw this article. I was NEVER one of those mom’s that would say “my daughter is 13 months”, and I also like to point out when people are being fucksticks.
I’d like to buy a comma, Pat.
All I can say is awesome. I’ve been at least once a year since I was 10. Yes I do go for specific things. But when you think about what you’re getting for how much you spend is it worth it? Everyone saying he’s a BigE noob, but when you step back and look at the big picture, this is what the big e is. I personally go there for the people watching and a maple cream cone. But a every year prices go up, and for what? Yes there are some free things to do but does little tommy and Samantha want to watch bears and horses all day? Chances are they don’t. They want games, they wants every toy they see, face painted, etc. You’re getting so angry at one persons opinion. Its exactly what a blog is_ an OPINION. Chill out and just laugh at it!
Thank you when my son asked why we couldn’t go to the Big E , instead of answering him why I just handed him your blog! So another Thank you and a save from dealing with all the above and Cape Cod Bridge Traffic! This will be printed out for my answer next year too!
If your son is old enough to read and understand this blog maybe you should let him go himself. But you can stay home. Id rather not have one more tourist coming into my city that is a hateful b****
The Big E wasn’t rated top 5 in the country for nothing
I dunno what you are complaining about price for. it is 15$ , and you can find parking spots for 5$ if you walk a little way and don’t park at the ones directly in front of the fair . Most likely you are not traveling alone, so I think 5$ is OK to split with someone.
also you forgot to mention that after 5pm during the week it is only 6$ to go, so if you live close by this is a deal.
also they have tons of craft beers, and 7$ for a 20 oz is a great price! opa opa tent, is where it’s at. not to mention you can walk around with your beer, you are not restricted to one section.
also try the loaded mac n cheese in the NH building it is amazingly delicious!
Did you guys hear that? You can walk around with your beer! We’ve come a long way from wooden teeth and indentured servants!
Lol…I can’t stop laughing…
See this is what I am talking about. We’re losing good funny posters because of assholes like Fiesty that came on here three fucking months ago and fuck everything up and chased all of the the good people out.
There were some funny fucks on here not too long ago. All gone thanks to you Fiesty you asshole.
Every year my gf tries to make me go. Almost every year I weasel my way out of it. It’s too expensive, too crowded and people act like dumb cattle when they’re there. Standing around chewing with no idea what’s going on around them. Just standing there right in everyone’s way while 1000 people are trying to get around them. God help you if they rent one of those red wagons to tote their 4 kids around in.
Since your wife doesn’t do THAT, I will tell you that inside the women’s bathrooms are I guess what you would call bathroom attendants, which look to me like homeless people who stationed themselves inside the bathroom with a basket to collect tip money from the bathroom users. Yes, you heard correct. There are women inside the women’s bathrooms at the Big E collecting tips so women can do THAT thing that your wife doesn’t do.
This is a very ignorant post filled with biased “facts”. The shit you complain about is literally so irrelevant. “It’s crowded” Well, I guess I’m never going to go to New York City again! “The traffic is bad” I guess I can’t go to ANY city again. You just seem to me like a miserable person who’s goal in life is to make everything else miserable. Also, you mentioned below about you purposefully leaving out the free shows that they offer because “none of them are real”? What does that even mean? Of course they are real, you literally walk up to the stage and see whatever is going on! Sure, some of the bigger names cost a few dollars but most shows on both stages are completely free (just look at a brochure). Also, each vendor is a free agent separate from the corporate Big E, they just rent the space. Don’t blame the entire fair for a few vendors’ idiocy.
Moral of the story to anyone who actually thinks this will sway their opinion on the fair: If you go into something with the sole purpose of making a freaking blog about how awful it is going to be, you’re going to have a bad time. Find cheap parking, go into the park after 5pm for only $6, don’t spend a ton if you don’t want to, find some good food (there’s A LOT of it), see a concert/parade/circus for free, and enjoy yourself. Also try to avoid people like this person here who enjoy taking pictures of you and posting them to the internet.
You pay your monies, and you take your chances. There are ways around the traffic and parking, go during the week instead. People watching at it’s best. Lotsa crafts and exhibits. Adjust your attitude, and you can have a fun day.
I know the dude in the skirt.. hahahaha
This is ridiculous.. I love the Big E. I love going to the state buildings and buying things, going to Midway and hitting the Ferris wheel, going through the Better Living Center and just walking around seeing all the stands, of which are interesting and creative and things I would buy. And if you don’t like seeing people shove greasy, fried food down their gullets, you shouldn’t go to carnivals, fairs, festivals or this exposition. A key attraction is their crazy fried food.
You are a complete moron. Maybe you should lock yourself in a closet do you don’t have to experience life. Just because you are a dumb ass city slicker asshole doesn’t mean the rest of the population is as miserable as you. I’m sorry for your wife and I hope to god you never have children
God, Im sorry I kept scrolling down and read this belligerent comment..
You are HILARIOUS. You said everything I’ve ever wanted to Say about the damn Big E. I live pretty much next door so it ruins my life every year… I haven’t been since I was 12 and every year I pretend I’m going, but by the time we are walking out the door, we change our minds. We know we are going there to either spend hundreds of dollars, or be bored. Thanks for this blog… I am glad I’m not the only one who thinks its a waste of time and everyone who goes is a moron.
Alexandra I wonder if you realize you just called your parents or who ever you went with morons for bringing you when you was 12. I’d take it the close proximity has no yard to charge for parking. You’ve also stated you pretend to be a moron before whoever we are helps you make it to their senses.
Im sure you love those tax dollars that it brings in tho
There’s no Tax Dollars. The Big E doesn’t pay the town any taxes.
It’s sort of funny, a lot of the negatives you describe are the reasons I go back every once in awhile…. to laugh. Spot on with the fried food stuff. I grew up in W. Springfield so I went every year and it was pretty fun as a kid, especially growing up pre-internet in a boring ass suburb. As an adult though? Yeah, there’s too much crap, but again, it’s fun to laugh at.
That said, the state houses are rad, and have the best food. Granted the line for the Maine baked potatoes is always waaay too long, which always makes me think WHO THE FUCK WAITS AN HOUR FOR A GODDAMN BAKED POTATO!?? (I never have). Oh, and Storrowton Village is (ok, or was?) pretty cool with the colonial stuff.
But if you really want to see the Big E at it’s worst, goto one of the country music concerts there. I did (hey, I like some country) and ungh, I couldn’t drink enough overpriced beer to wipe the crowd out of memory.
The little lobster rolls and chowder line in the Massachusetts House is also baffling long.
I always get a baked potato, never waited an hour in my time going there. It’s all in what time you go to it. I always go in the morning. It’s lovely and still is by 1pm. But even arriving at 4 or 5, I’ve never hit ridiculous traffic or full lots near the entrance.
Based on the sounds of your review I am guessing that Mrs Turtleboy looks a lot like that woman sucking down a corndog when she gives it up once a year. You live in fucking Worcester stop acting like you’re too good to enjoy what hundreds of thousands of people treat as a fun diversion once a year. And yeah, we see all the stupid shit and ugly people too, but we’re not so afraid that we are one of them that we need to demonize them, we just laugh and enjoy the entertainment.
But if you’re laughing at them then in a way you are sort of demonizing them. Am I missing something here?
While I will admit you have some valid points, you missed what the Big E is…it’s a fair. Throughout the history of fairs they have always followed the same model…lots of people, “entertainment”, unhealthy food and people selling other people stuff. So all in all you are simply complaining that the Big E is doing a good job of being what it is supposed to be…a fair.
That 90% on spa…..must have dropped no sooner than the price hit the ear.
Disappointment to the ms.turtle not seeing her animal friends free combined with the dragging weight of concrete. Depressing!
I have worked as a vendor there for a few years. (I don’t own any booths, just work where I can). So I have been on the grounds for 17 days 12 hours a day for a few seasons. I have had to talk to countless “morons” and try to sell them “shit” as you put it. In many regards you hit on some the parts of the Big E that do suck. I have to admit laughing out loud at a few sections.
Traffic is always a bitch on the weekends. But during the week? … not so much. Parking drops to 5 dollars even near the gates during the week and at slow times. There are probably a dozen ways to get to the Big E. Proper use of that Iphone would show you were the traffic is thick and where to reroute.
Fair food is just greasy and unhealthy. But there are some good eats there too. “Burgundy Cafe” in the Young Building has French Meat Pie that was featured on the news and is very well received. The 1 lbs homemade meatball is right next to it at Frigo’s, who also offer fresh mozzarella vegetarian grinders. There is White Hut burger which has been serving up yummy fried onion burgers to West Springfield since 1939. Also is the International Food Plaza where the Hofbrauhaus is serving Authentic German foods. There are home made pastries from Serratos (one of the best italian bakeries in the area) they also have fresh espresso and cappuccino. There is the famous Big-Eclair, New Hampshire Kettle Corn which is a yummy Gluten-Free treat, Smoked Salmon from the Maine Building, and who can complain about fresh Micro-Brews on tap in the Vermont building. If you haven’t had a maple cone with a dark beer, you haven’t lived. There really is more than that, I just don’t feel like writing a blog here too so I will leave it at that.
Now I have also met and dealt with many, many, morons. It is scary, just how many are out there. But, I have also met some great people and also made valuable friends by working this show each year.
I also can agree that many items for sale are “gimmicky” or “As seen on TV” type crap. Hey some people like that shit. But there are some other nuggets in the mix too that really do deliver on what they promise. Some things you just can’t get anywhere else but in a Big fair type setting like artwork and personalized items. Last year I discovered Fire Cider(located usually at the MA building), and found it to be a remedy for my wife’s IBS. Worth every penny in spades times ten. (Actually its cheaper at the fair then in retail health store settings). Also picked up some of the good german glue in the Young Building and fixed my car antennae with it. The cold January I was clearing snow off my car and snapped the antennae clear off. Applied the glue and its still on my car today. (After 9 months and easily over 6k miles).
Both my anniversary and birthday fall in September so inevitably I am working the show. Every year my wife and I go to Scotty’s Photo’s and our picture taken and get a magnet to go on our fridge. It is really cool to look and see those memories on my fridge. To remember that time in our lives. I have enjoyed some Big E moments that have made this “Waste of time and money” a treasured experience in my life. I am sure I am not alone on that.
live well. laugh often. love much
I hadn’t seen the fire cider stuff in past years. Quite the taste.
Just look down at your feet. If the ‘Country Fair’ is being held on pavement, you’ve been snookered. Go to the Franklin County Fair or any of the hill town fairs next time, before they disappear completely.
The fact that your wife MADE you attend the Big E is more than enough than I needed to know about you and your lame blog. Don’t like it, grow a pair and stay home next time.
Peter, bringing the sledgehammer down!
Sound like a Big E noob to me. Yup.
Wow, how adorable. A redneck that knows the word “noob”
you also shouldnt be taken pics of under age children with out there parents consent its against the law !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not when you are in a public seeing, like a carnival.
I dont care. Where u are u take pics of kids that arent urs then complain about them if. It was pics of my kids i would be contacting the police
Actually its not!! Lol as long as you are out in public taking pictures its perfectly legal,.and as long as they aren’t home and are fully dressed its perfectly legal.. That’s like going to a park taking pics of your kids an uploading them on FB that would mean the world would get sued every time someone took a pic of their kid study your laws dumb ass
Why would u even wanna go to a park amd take pics of some kid u dont even know somethings wrong in ur like a couple screws loose if u do shit like that sicko
I’d love for you to name the law that we have violated. Let me know when you find it!!
Ok, as someone who has been going to the Big E their entire life, let me fill you in on a few things…
1) Go after 5pm and it’s only $6.
2) If you don’t wanna buy shit, guess what? Don’t stand there and listen to the salespersons’ speeches. Easy enough, it seems. No one is forcing you.
3) It originated as an agricultural fair. Do you really expect not to see any farm animals?
4) I don’t know where the hell you’re parking that it’s $20, but it’s the wrong place.
5) Calm your shit and enjoy the greasy, delicious food and fair atmosphere. Go watch the circus or something and stop being so miserable.
6) Go down the big yellow slide because, I don’t care who you are, that will always be fun.
The Big E is a damn good time for people that don’t look for only the negatives. Don’t hate it just because you, clearly, don’t know anything about it.
very well said
what about all the old buildings where u go there to learn about the old town and how they lived back then and the free things and the fun of being there with ur family or friends !!!!! there is so much more then what u put in here u just took everything and turned it into a negative cuz u dont like it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there was so much there to learn about yes they had tons of the same food items but that is part of the whole experiences of going there !!!!! and alot of the people selling things there you cant find those things in stores yes they might of had alot of things u also do see in stores but u go there for the things u cant find around ur town or state each building might have been selling things but also each building had something to teach u about that state or something !!!! then u taking pics of people who dont know u did and then using only that pic cuz they r eating and might be big weight wise but u dont know if thats all they had to eat all day or if they have a problem with there body that makes it hard for them to lose wait i think this blog is crap and should be taken down if u dont like it then dont go !!!!!!!!!!!! simple as that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kristin I think with more exclamation points your point would have been better received
thanks
She doesn’t get it.
ya i do but what u say isnt gonna bother me so i said thank u
PARTY??
I’ve been hearing about this fair for the last 14 years but never made the trip out. This year, not knowing what it was, I thought about potentially taking the family to see what the hubbub was all about. After reading this I feel like I owe you the $60 I would have spent, and the loss of a day ($376.56). Unfortunately I’m not going to do that. Instead, tomorrow I will tell 3 new people about your blog. Think of it as an investment.
Hahahahaliarious! Thank you! I don’t need to go there now!
Craft freaking beer?! You don’t even have to leave Worcester. You can get a whole growler full of Wormtown right here.
A man cannot live on Blonde Cougar along.
Don’t worry, Be Hoopy!
And Blonde Cougars are delicious fun
*alone
Did you purposely leave out the things that are free to frame your story? I haven’t been in a while but isn’t there a circus, animal shoes (I think usually seals or bears?) and motorcycle/car stunt shows included in the price of a ticket?
If you just missed these (instead of excluding them) it makes you kinda seem like a Big E noob
Free music performances as well.
I purposely left out all those things you listed because none of them are real. But yea, you showed me who’s boss with your vivid imagination!
I witnessed the bears myself, best 5 minutes of the worst day of the past year
I was surprised to see Eddie Money playing there. My 80s Pandora station was happy to hear it.
Joey chit wood left the big E years ago..they needed room for the new stage for BIG acts…….
All of those things left years ago. There are some free music performances but none you really want to go see, those you have to pay for. I was thrilled to hear ZZ Top was going to play this year until a last minute cancelation. Listen, the bottom line about the Big E is the place isn’t what it used to be. Where as your points are valid, I don’t feel as you went in a mood willing to enjoy ANY part of the experience. As far as miserable children go, mine had a good time. There are some fried products you don’t get any other time of the year so yes they are a treat for a very hard working active family. The rides, though you pay for them are pretty reasonably priced. My children were quite tuckered out for the ride home. We didn’t focus on entirely eating the fried shit but did indulge with the fried veggies, cheese curds, the best Gyros you’ll find anywhere and smoked turkey leg. All in all with only $10 parking (not over the bridge, noob) a family of 4 had a blast for only $100. The glue in the second picture truly is the best shit you’ll find, I buy more every year. Beds, I have wanted a new bed for a long time but never make it to the Sleep Number store to look into it, guess what was at the Big E? Sleep Number. My new bed will be delivered tomorrow. I find it surprising that being from Worchester you can complain about anywhere. I have been all over this continent and Worchester is truly the worst place I have even been. If god were to give the world an enema, he would stick it in Worchester. Again, most points were accurate I would only hope if you ever try this again that you take the time to find some good in the trip.
You should have tried one of the many various craft beers and maybe you would have been able to relax enough to get the tampon out of your ass and enjoy the weather. And yeah, you left out the rides.
The various beers are one of the highlights.
Craft beer? You mean like Keystone?
Hardly.
Craft beer? Yea you’re def not turtle riding material. There were rides there that you can find at the mount Carmel Italian festival. They are not included in the $15 admission.
So, did you even get to see the UMass basketball team??
WTF TURTLEBOY!!!!! CHINNER HEAVEN!
The traffic jams there are a result of everyone just blindly following GPS. Was back on the Pike in 10 minutes after just going a half mile down the road and crossing a different bridge. My biggest complaint is the lack of direction from police to limit those traffic jams.
The one thing Turtleboy hates more than anything in the world is a cover charge. Add to that paying for parking and I would bet you weren’t in a very good mood before you even walked in.
What about the rides?
I have never been to the Big E and it looks like I’m not missing much! Corn dogs, fried dough and magical play sand sound so enticing…throw in a velvet painting of Elvis singing in a white jumpsuit and I might have to check it out next year…NOT!
You should do a fucking county fair tour.
I went there for a field trip in… I want to say junior high. It was the longest, most boring fucking day of my childhood. The only reason it was at all bearable was that I was out of school for a day.
Sounds like a Mr. Eddy field trip.
Loved Mr. Eddy
I didn’t have Mr. Eddy at any point, but it’s entirely possible he was along for some of the field trips.
Honestly this is going to bug me until I remember what grade I was in. It had to be middle or high school, since we were allowed to go off on our own.
8th grade Forest Grove. The Big E and Old Sturbridge village are the most basic central mass field trips.
Totally basic, and yet I’ve never been to OSV.
I feel like I was fucked as bad as you were just from reading this. Don’t get me wrong! I loved it. I laughed, and cried. Mostly cried cause it brought back memories. I think I got PTSD from reading this. Which i didn’t get from 3 tour in Iraq and Afghanistan. Fuck i feel like i need to shower in jack daniels !!!!
I was kinda feeling like I’ve been missing out since I’ve never been. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
Come on Turtleboy. Inquiring minds want to know: what percentage of Big E attendees would the NIH and CDC consider “morbidly obese”?
Probably around 40%. Not nearly as many as Disney, but still a lot.
*obeast