In the least surprising turn of events ever the “Cash me ousside, how bow dah” chick has released a rap video:

What the hell did I just watch? How is that even a rap video if she didn’t rap? It’s just her sittong on car lip syncing a terrible Missy Elliot rip-off while she throws hundred dollar bills in the air and plays on her i-Phone.

I guess that’s the kind of video production you get when you hire “White Trash Tyler” to direct your music video.

The best part was at the end when they randomly show a poodle taking a shit in the bushes.

Because…..why not?

I’m not even mad at this girl. I hope she’s capitalizing off her 15 minutes of fame and riding it as long as possible. Because ultimately if she wants to make money in the future she’s gonna have to know how to ride things for at least 15 minutes.

Two months ago Danielle Peskowivz was a 13 year old trashbag, failing her way through middle school, whose life goal was to make it onto 16 And Pregnant. Now she’s a 13 year old trashbag failing her way through middle school, but she’s selling t-shirts and making rap videos because she became famous for being an Internet meme.

This is how capitalism works. It’s not fair sometimes, but capitalism isn’t about fairness. It’s about jumping on opportunities and being ingenuitive. We teach kids in schools that they need to work hard, get good grades, and get into a good college. Bullshit. You have to figure out what you’re best at and find a way to use that in order to build an audience, generate revenue, and pay your bills. And Danielle Peskowicz is really, really good at being ratchet in a country where you can make a lot of money by becoming ratchet famous. Just ask every single useless slugpump on the Jersey Shore, Honey Boo-Boo, Flava-flave’s ho competition, Dance Moms, or pretty much 99% of reality TV shows.

My only question is this – how old will she be when she finally decides to do porn? Because it’s not a matter of if, but when. So will she sign with Brazzers the moment she turns 18? Or will she keep pursuing the rap game for a little bit and hold off until she’s 21? That’s the only question that is unknown at this point.

Anyway, this girl is obviously a gutterslug, but I’m kind of tired of Mom getting a free ride. This girl is 13. She has no rights. She can’t do anything that Mom doesn’t let her. She is not emancipated. Mom has the power to say no rap videos, no t-shirts, no more Dr. Phil. But Mom is obviously using her for financial gain, and is pretty bad at parenting to begin with. The girl sleeps in her freaking bed, and they get into fight fights on the regular. In other words, it’s a Webster love story that’s turned out to be pretty profitable for both parties.

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