Hoodrat Heroes

The Entire Town Of Colrain Has Declared War On Turtleboy

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We’ve made a lot of notable enemies over the years at Turtleboy Sports. St. Bonaventure University, Buffalo, the Circljerk, and people who like the Big E are some of the more notable foes. Now you can add the entire town of Colrain, MA to that list


Because apparently our blog about the nudnik who was arrested for driving drunk all over the Mohawk Trail on his rims, has rubbed Colrainians the wrong way:

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So much Colrain butthurt. Newsflash – Turtleboy Sports reports facts only. This is what Colrain you see when you drive around Colrain:





It’s a dumpy looking town. That’s a scientific fact. Embrace it and own it. To make matters worse there isn’t a Walmart for 30 miles because Franklin County has so many hippies who hate capitalism and are obsessed with protecting random animal’s breeding grounds.


It’s only a town of 1,500 people, but as you can see, Colrain blowback is nevertheless quite a sight. Anyway, it got us thinking. There’s 350 other towns and cities that are not Worcester in this state, and we’d like to start profiling them. The more random the better. Fox 25 News does a Zip Trip, where they pick a town in Massachusetts to visit and they show you around town. Here’s our idea:

  • Turtle riders nominate their town for a Turtleboy zip trip.
  • Turtleboy staff takes a bone ride out to check out your town and 5-10 other surrounding towns.
  • We take pictures and rank them in order from nicest to crappiest.

We’ll go to Rhode Island, Connecticut and parts of New Hampshire too. Leave a comment on here or on Facebook, or email us, or send us a message on Facebook if you think your town should be the next Colrain.

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We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

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Want to have your business advert seen by over 1.2 million people per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.





45 Comment(s)
  • January 4, 2016 at 8:49 pm

    Holyoke, Turner’s falls, millers falls and Northampton…

  • K. McGuire
    January 4, 2016 at 12:54 am

    I live in Franklin County and am originally from Worcester County. It’s unfortunate that Colrain is getting this insult, because it is not a bad place to live. A few photos of some run down houses and one fire damaged place do not describe the entire town. I rate it higher than Worcester, that’s for sure. If you want to do articles about the worst places to live in Massachusetts, you should, for the sake of accuracy, stick to the urban trash pits.

    • JLo
      January 9, 2016 at 8:40 pm

      You can only make so many blogs about Worcester before turning your sights to the outlying trash pits.

  • The Loki
    January 3, 2016 at 11:03 am

    Peru Mass 😀 I think it’s got a population of 12.

    • Stupidisasstupiddoes
      January 3, 2016 at 11:44 am

      That’s a place? Dafuk!?

  • billy crafts
    January 2, 2016 at 11:51 pm

    i think it a good place you don’t have all that bullshit like in town i have a sister brother in law nephew and his family liveing there they seen to like it verry well opions are like butholes everybody got one

    • Nanny
      January 3, 2016 at 10:31 am

      Do they speak English?

  • Nanny
    January 2, 2016 at 8:04 pm

    Never heard of that town before now. And I’ve spent 30 years of my life here. Who GAF what they have to say? Sure, let ’em grouse, but this only helps these from the hinterlands.

    • Wabbitt
      January 5, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      Nearly 36 years a slave (to living in Worcester County) and I’d never heard of Colrain before TB called it a dump.

  • unfollowing this crap!
    January 2, 2016 at 7:07 pm

    I see nothing wrong with the pictures except for the one house that burned and hasn’t been fixed or torn down yet. Turtle boy is obviously out to piss people off. I too grew up in and love Colrain but Turtle boy doesn’t deserve any satisfaction! He should be ignore because he clearly doesn’t have a clue about anything and only writes trash!

  • Dikinmouth
    January 2, 2016 at 6:01 pm

    Butt hurt is not covered by Obama care

  • A Guy
    January 2, 2016 at 2:50 pm

    Looks like the butthurt continues in the comments section

  • facts
    January 2, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    population of colrain: less than 2,000.
    turtleboy’s followers on facebook alone: over 20,000.

  • BlackandWhite
    January 2, 2016 at 9:39 am

    Every down has some houses that need to be condemned.
    It’s just that some towns have a lot more than others.

    Maybe the Town of Colrain needs to start a GoFundMe page.

  • bill e bob
    January 2, 2016 at 9:35 am

    Orange… we are surrounded by Warwick wendell new salem erving and athol!

  • Dirty Ham
    January 2, 2016 at 8:50 am

    Go to Framingham!

  • JoeCitizen
    January 2, 2016 at 8:28 am

    Go to Grafton MA.

  • Jafreese
    January 2, 2016 at 7:39 am

    Instead of just pictures you need to make a drive-through video with this soundtrack: http://youtu.be/1WqazleR3FE

  • Squirtleboy
    January 2, 2016 at 3:35 am

    Bunch of hicks. Also never heard of it before the article.

    • colrain
      January 2, 2016 at 5:27 pm


  • You don't want to know
    January 2, 2016 at 1:22 am

    Turtle boy I dare you to come to Colrain and make your visit known .let’s see how stupid you are!

  • Kerri Bishop
    January 2, 2016 at 12:31 am

    I love the “you don’t know his/her story” comment people. You know what? I know the story that was written by the police in their report of the events and the newspaper etc. If you don’t want people judging you for being a f-up, don’t get arrested and have articles written about your stupidity! Its simple… ridicule is the consequence of your drunk, ridiculous actions… get over it!

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    January 2, 2016 at 12:16 am

    Of course my first inclination is to nominate Sterling, but you have profiled it this year in the towns you’d consider moving to.
    But if you really want to profile an odd town, go with Barre… specifically South Barre, all the run down old mill houses… VERY interesting mix you’ll find up there

  • Techy911
    January 1, 2016 at 10:46 pm

    I have lived in MA most of my 25 years and I have NEVER heard of this town…. And by the looks of it, it’s no wonder why.

    I can almost hear the banjos playing through those pictures!

  • Ndhx
    January 1, 2016 at 9:29 pm

    I want a detailed expose on Spencer. Place is absolutely depressing, so many abandoned buildings. It’s like a meteor hit the place in the 50s and it never recovered.

  • Phoebe
    January 1, 2016 at 9:01 pm

    Come to Milford, MA!

  • Guidos Rule
    January 1, 2016 at 8:56 pm

    Johnston, RI

  • Deb Mc
    January 1, 2016 at 8:32 pm

    I nominate Spencer, if you have the nads.

  • Gronkmonster
    January 1, 2016 at 8:20 pm

    Do they all have to go to the public library to post on the internet LOL You better hope they all dont load up in a rusty f250 and come to the big city to hunt you down after you insulted a town no one knew about


    • Jennifer Chapin
      January 1, 2016 at 11:21 pm

      First of all I grew up in Colrain and just cuz some ass took pictures of a few houses that looked run down doesn’t make it a dump of a town one of those houses a family lost everything to a fire so don’t judge what u don’t know! And second we may come from a very small town but while u r on line talking shit like a little teenager we r all at work pulling 12 hour shifts so pull ur ignorant head out of ur ass and don’t judge a town on bullshit hear say!

      • Colranian
        January 2, 2016 at 4:50 am

        That burned house in the center of town, yeah that was my house you amphibious piece of shit! It burned on thanksgiving in 2009. You only post the facts my ass, there is in fact a Walmart in Franklin county. That’s some redneck shit to complain about, no Walmart are you for real? Coltain started a nation wide tradition back in the late 1800’s in which the first American flag was raised over a schoolhouse..pretty sure every school in the country does that now. You say dumpy hillbillys, I say trendsetters. Hills!

        • Nanny
          January 2, 2016 at 8:08 pm

          Erm, turtles are reptiles, not amphibians. Stay in school.

          • @this fag
            January 3, 2016 at 4:04 am

            I didn’t say amphibian… I said amphibious, you know, “water dwelling”

        • Wabbitt
          January 5, 2016 at 4:34 pm

          It caught faux years ago and it still hasn’t been torn down? Yeah – THAT doesn’t scream derelict shithole or anything.

      • Wabbitt
        January 5, 2016 at 4:32 pm

        Well if you’re all working twelve hour days, I can see why nobody in town has tome for yard upkeep.

  • Rick Jagger
    January 1, 2016 at 8:20 pm


  • Brendan Rys
    January 1, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    You gotta go to Winchendon – Place is magical.

    • JayC
      January 2, 2016 at 6:41 pm

      Ahh, good old Winchentucky.

  • Maggie Butrym
    January 1, 2016 at 7:38 pm

    Barre MA

    January 1, 2016 at 7:14 pm


  • Chris From Georgia
    January 1, 2016 at 6:39 pm

    The article you wrote was funny but I can understand why the residents are pissed. It would be like me wrting about what a dump Worcester is by comparing to where I live down here in Georgia!

    • GoneWest
      January 1, 2016 at 11:55 pm

      Chris that’s all you ever do on here

    • BobnMic
      January 2, 2016 at 12:22 am

      Well then don’t.

  • Spankster
    January 1, 2016 at 6:31 pm

    For a town that has never heard or cared about the T. B. There seems to be a lot of these yokels who commented about it

  • Ryan
    January 1, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    Do Rutland, MA next.. pretty boring town imo tht I’ve had the pleasure of growing up in.

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