By J-Dub

Given what has happened lately in the “Woo” with our unabashed success of getting the City Council to audit the Mosaic Cultural Center, as is to be expected in Barack Obama’s America, the charges of racism of are flying higher than Pablo Sandoval’s weight.  The fact that when the “hippies” call TurtleBoy “racist” they are also calling me – TBS’s resident black contributor – a “racist” as well, it’s easy to see how this can get confusing.

I’m black, but I’m part of the TurtleBoy revolution.  But according to the twisted rules of the New American Left, I can’t be a “racist” because I’m black.  The lefties answer to this is that I don’t exist, but the last time I checked, I still had to get up in the morning, go to work and pay my bills. Seems like if I were an invention of TurtleBoy Sports, I would at least get a pass on my Comcast bill. But those muthas certainly know I exist; they expect their money out of me every month.  In other words, I obviously exist, and yet I can’t be a “racist” even though I am very much a part of a “racist” movement.  I’m confused as hell by that, and I’m sure it can’t be any better for any other non-racist Turtle riders.

That’s why in today’s installment of “Learn With J-Dub,” I’m offering everybody a simple test to tell if you are a real racist or not.  However, it is only fair to warn you, there is some required reading before you can take this assessment.

If you remember a pathetically sappy movie of nearly five years ago called “The Blind Side,” you will know that tale is centered on a rich white family who takes in a poor black kid and as the story goes, becomes the driving force behind his becoming an NFL player. As a black man in Barack Obama’s America, the main question I had about that movie was, was her ass real; none of that Kardashian “Fix-a-Flat” ass-lift stuff happening.  If so, she should be very proud.  I’m sure we can all agree that flick firmly launched the dye-jobbed and superiorly gluteally-globed Sandra Bullock firmly into “MILF” territory.

“Hey?! Where Sandra Bullock at?”

Sadly, the unity ends there. The bottom line is white people loved that movie, and black people hated it, and the reasons aren’t plainly apparent because the current narrative on racism in American is completely convoluted.  Given what is happening in Worcester, and across America for that matter, people are finding it harder and harder to know if in fact they are actually a “racist.”  That’s why you need to read the article I wrote on Dubsism about this movie back in the day, and apply it to what is happening today.  You have to read the piece…otherwise the questions won’t make sense.

Here’s how it works.  After you’ve answered all the questions, score the test as follows:

• For every time you chose answer “A,” give yourself 3 points
• For every time you chose answer “B,” give yourself 1 point
• For every time you chose answer “C,” give yourself 0 points

Add up your scores.  If your total number of points is 9 or higher, congratulations, Adolf…you are a racist.  8 or lower, and you’re not.  It’s that simple.