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The New Bedford Bukkake Poundcake is the gift that keeps on giving this week. On Monday we first discovered her sorcery when she was passed out on the ground at a public park in the middle of a mid-day bender……WITH HER KIDS!!

Then she started planning Internet lawsuits with other ratchets, before finally ending the week yesterday by airing her most recent breakup publicly when she threw her trash in the ocean:

According to her this was a “spiritual metaphore”

She clearly does not know what a metaphor is, kind of like how she doesn’t know what a showersphor either.

No Mary, this is not a spiritual metaphor. This is you using your latest bad breakup as an excuse to throw your trash in the ocean. Look what she threw….

A God damn tissue box. If one of the longest lasting memories of your relationship is an empty box of ghetto jizzrags, you’re officially going through a New Bedford breakup.

She also threw her fine plastic jewelry

No longer functioning car freshener

The remnants of a CVS brand balloon

A Christmas card

A ring that that she remarkably did not pawn for crack yet

And of course the poor, poor Teddy Bear her ex-bf won from a carny at the Brockton Fair…

You wanna talk about metaphors? This Teddy Bear lying face down in salt water is the greatest metaphor for New Bedford I’ve ever seen.

I’d honestly rather be floating aimlessly in the ocean for eternity rather than living in the New Bedford Bukkake Poundcake’s slugpump den.

And God knows what her partner in grime was throwing in there too….

Sure, she could’ve just BURNED this stuff instead of polluting the ocean, but that wouldn’t be a spiritual metaphore. A New Bedford relationship isn’t officially over until you’ve endangered aqua marine wildlife. Everyone knows that.

She has a message for anyone who has a problem with her litterbug tendencies….

I pray to the Fall River Gods that Uncle Turtleboy reads that glorious sentence in the ALL CAPS VOICE tonight on Live.

Ironically she posted this right before becoming Captain Planet’s new arch-nemesis:

“We break up, our business.” – Woman who celebrated her ugly breakup by pulling a BP and broadcasting it on Facebook.

Is this the end of the world? No. I got news for you people – whales take shits in there. Think about that for a minute. Big whale dumps. Everywhere. So ultimately what she did was small potatoes. But it’s more the fact that she’s so stupid that she thought that this was OK to do that makes it so ratchet. Clearly the New Bedford Bukkake Poundcake is aiming for a high seed in next year’s ratchet madness tournament.