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Earlier this week, just as everyone was settling down from the excitement of the cross dressing bus driver scandal, Rhode Island was again rocked by another Earth-shattering story.

On January 9, councilwoman Rosanne Nadeau decided it would be a good idea to get into a pissing match with a bunch of people in the comments section of a free local newspaper. The exchange, between a bunch of naniburgers with nothing else to do and butthurt town officials who clearly have too much time on their hands is comedy gold.

By the way, there is no way Rosanne Nadeau is not secretly from Woonsocket. If you’ve been, you know what I mean. If not, go there someday and you’ll understand.

Apparently, she said something during her comment section battle about Council members taking bribes. The other council members were none to pleased about this. She clarified that she was referring to gifts, specifically chocolate covered strawberries, and said maybe bribe wasn’t the right word to use.

In most places, that would be the end of the story. But this is Rhode Island, so of course the logical thing to do is put it on the agenda for the next Town Council meeting and debate it for four hours. As usual, the local media was only too happy to turn it into the story of the century.

That’s where the real fun began. In the heat of the discussion, Town Council Vice President Paul Zwolenski accused Nadeau of taking “the largest box of chocolates.” Nadeau fired back that it was actually Zwolenski who took the largest box as he declared “I deserve this!” Zwolenski then tried to force Nadeau to step down and the council took a vote on it. The council voted 3-2 in favor, but this wasn’t enough for the measure to pass. Which of course is the best outcome, because now these two poopsmooches have to keep working with each other. Next time there’s a box of chocolates in Town hall, blood might be spilled.

My question is in a state with such a proud history of corruption, can’t we do better than this? I mean seriously, the best corruption scandal we can muster is a mysterious box of chocolate covered strawberries that town councilors fight each other over. Rhode Island has such a proud history of corruption. Buddy Cianci beat a guy with a frickin fireplace log while he was mayor of providence in the 80’s and went to jail in 2002 for running the mafia out of city hall. We’ve had a state Supreme Court justice get caught meeting with his mob buddies at a shady hotel. We had a governor go to jail for taking bribes in the 90’s, and our Speaker of the House was arrested just last year for bribery and wire fraud. These three stooges from the North Providence city council went to jail in 2011 for trying to extort bribes:

All that history, and squabbling over a box of chocolates is the best North Smithfield can muster. I’m disappointed.

P.S. Notice the use of naniburger and poopsmooch in this blog. Rhode Island Turtleboy listens to the people.

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