The Patriots Don’t Lose To Teams Full Of Ratchets Like The “We Live” Gutterslugs Known As The Pittsburgh Steelers

Turtleboy was pretty nervous about the Steelers. Then we saw the Antonio Brown “We LIIIVEEE” Facebook Live video, and realized we can’t lose to a bunch of ratchets like this in Foxboro.

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Turtleboy’s playoff predictions were way off. The only divisional round game we picked correctly was the Patriots beating the Texans, and it was pretty much impossible for even the most butthurt Patriot haters to pick Houston in that game. Because making the AFC Championship is kind of just what we do at this point. But we totally whiffed on Seattle, Dallas, and Kansas City. We thought it was time for the Chiefs and the Boys to take that next step. But at the end of the day two of the most storied franchises pulled the upsets on the road (Packers and Steelers).

Whatever, I guess it was meant to be. There was no way in hell we could possibly lose to the Alex Smith Chiefs in Foxboro. The only team in the AFC that looked like they could present any sort of challenge this entire season was the Steelers. And here we are. Wouldn’t want it any other way.

Am I nervous about this game? Surprisingly yes. I don’t know why. There’s no reason to be nervous. Ben Roethlisberger is 6-3 all time vs. the Patriots, but it’s the fakest 6-3 possible. He beat us in 2004 as a rookie when his team went 15-1 in a meaningless regular season game. Who won the Super Bowl in 2004? Oh yea, we did. And we beat the Steelers by two touchdowns on the road in the 2004 AFC Championship when it actually counted.

We also beat Big Ben in 2005, 2007, 2010, 2013, 2015You might not remember a lot of those games because none of them were close or worth remembering. Just more wins for God’s preferred fanbase. We go a few years at a time without playing them because we win our division every single year, and they miss the playoffs A LOT. So when that happens we play their division winner the next year. Hard to have a rivalry with a team who isn’t good enough to have the honor of playing you most of the time.

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The only two other wins against the Patriots for Big Ben came in 2008, which doesn’t count because it was the Matt Cassell Patriots. The Steelers won the Super Bowl that year, but winning the Super Bowl in a year Tom Brady doesn’t play doesn’t really count as winning the Super Bowl. The only other win came in 2011 in Pittsburgh, another year in which we made the Super Bowl. This is why we lost:

Ben Roethlisberger picked apart the NFL’s worst defense and the Steelers rattled the nearly unflappable Brady in a 25-17 victory on Sunday, putting an end to the two-time MVP’s decade of dominance over the defending AFC champions.”

“NFL’s worst defense.” On Sunday Big Ben has to go against the NFL’s best defense. So basically he’s beaten the Matt Cassell Patriots, the worst Pats defense in history, and a meaningless regular season game in a season where they eventually lost to us in the AFC Championship.


So yea, Turtleboy has no reason to feel nervous about this team. But I king of love feeling nervous about this team. Makes the games so much more fun. I’m getting moist just thinking about Sunday. And honestly, if we lose to this team it will be the biggest disappointment of all time. If we lose in the Super Bowl to Aaron Rodgers I can accept that. It will suck, but the Packers are a wagon. The Steelers on the other hand are a sloppy bunch of ratchets, as was seen yesterday when star receiver Antonio Brown did a Facebook Live session in their locker room after their victory in KC:

Ya know why we win? Because we don’t do Facebook Live in the locker room after wins. Our players know better.

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Making the AFC Championship for the Steelers is obviously more than they ever could’ve imagined. Making the AFC Championship for the Patriots is business as usual.

I mean, look at these gutterslugs. First of all, I refuse to lose to a team who wins a game and yells the hoodrat war cry of, “We LIIIVVEEE” over and over again:

I refuse to lose to a team who just won a playoff game and everyone in the locker room is yelling, “let’s go get this money!!”

The Patriots don’t lose to teams like this.

We dont’ lose to teams where the head coach calls us “assholes” and says they’re gonna “beat their ass” in a game he’s going to be at a severe coaching disadvantage.

The Patriots don’t lose to teams whose assistant coach tells them to “be cool on social media” while one of them is ironically broadcasting the entire thing on Facebook Live:

The Patriots don’t lose to teams with players like #14 saying, “We still out here tryin to get it, you know I’m sayin, one more, we goin take care of business, we might feel it in Houston.”



I had no idea who #14 was because he’s irrelevant. The only one in that locker room who has any authority to talk shit is their kicker, Chris Boswell, because he scored all 18 of their points.


Turns out #14 is really good at talking shit. But playing football? Not so much. Sammie Coates finished the season without recording a catch in 9 of his last 11 games. So far in their two playoff games he has a grand total of zero catches, and Big Ben has targeted him exactly zero times. But please Sammie, tell me who “we” are going to take care of business when your job is to make sure the bench doesn’t fly into into Walpole.

Is it Sunday yet. Time to violate this team in every way possible. With or without their consent. Ask their quarterback, he knows a thing or two about what it feels like to be on the giving end of that. Now he’s gonna know what it feels like to be on the receiving end. Again.


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9 Comment(s)
  • Me1333
    January 16, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    They are not mature so it’s not a big shocker but the side way finger gun was..umm… not impressive. The guy holding the phone really likes himself a little too much.

  • January 16, 2017 at 5:04 pm

    GOOOOOO STEELERS!!!!!! YOU FUCKING LOSERS! And why are all patriots fans so racist? It doesn’t matter and you wont matter in come sunday! loooooooooool

    • Me1333
      January 16, 2017 at 6:08 pm

      1 poster makes an ignorant comment and this brings you to the conclusion all their fans are racist? I suspect critical thinking is not a skill you have mastered yet

      • Damn it!
        January 16, 2017 at 9:47 pm

        That shit stain has 7 up votes as of right now. I thought he/she was just trolling to give TB a bad rep, but instead fellow riders are encouraging it. Not good!

  • FatFingr Lou
    January 16, 2017 at 4:38 pm

    I’m not expecting Tomlin to turn into Coach Klein.

    I don’t believe he could read a playbook or write one.

    • FatFingr Lou
      January 16, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      Thinking about this game and situation for the Pat’s:

      *Disappointed players and coaches after the sloppy record pointspread covering playoff 18 pt win
      *Disappointed coaches after the hiring/promotion period
      *Angry Brady
      *Drive for 5
      *Roger may meekly skulk into the stadium and hide behind bulletproof glass
      *take the trash out and throw it off theTobin in a burlap bag

      I think the coaching staff has something special for the Steelers, and Steely McBeam is getting Lighthoused this weekend

  • Talisman
    January 16, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Lasts nights performance by the Steelers was reminiscent of my Saints. Drive the ball between the 20s and kick a shitload of FGs. Problem is, to win, either the defense better be on, or the opposing offense better fuck up a whole bunch, or both. The Chiefs had a bad night. They can bitch about the refs all they want, but the left tackle held on the conversion and they had their chance to stop em with a little under 2 to go.
    If the Steelers puke in the red zone more than twice in the AFCC, they WILL lose. I don’t see Brady and company playing like they did against the Texans. Looking forward to a good game, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a blowout for the Patriots. Which would be a fitting fuck you to Goodell.
    Good Luck all you NE fans.

  • Mediocrity
    January 16, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    Steelers play dirty. Their goal is to injure opposing players.

  • White Pride White Power
    January 16, 2017 at 3:17 pm


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