The Patriots Should Have To Play Tim Tebow Against Buffalo For The Sake Of Humanity

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Hey Michael Irvin, better shine your Belichick trophies:


We’ll have more groundbreaking analysis of the Patriots emasculating 27-0 win against the Texans tomorrow. But there was just no way the Patriots were supposed to win this game tonight. Roger Goodell wanted us to lose. He tried his best. His Nazi-esque suspension of Tom Brady was overturned by a federal judge, and he wasted millions of dollars appealing it to more judges, who simply decided that he could do whatever he wants to Brady because Nazis have dictatorial powers. But he obviously underestimated Bill Belichick, Josh McDaniels, and the Patriots defense.


The Texans are a team that couldn’t beat us when we had Tom Brady playing. Few teams can. But if this undefeated team can’t beat us without our first two quarterbacks, starting middle linebacker, and a hobbled Rob Gronkowski, then what hope is their for the rest of the NFL? Why even play the rest of the year? We just beat a really good team by 27 points with Jacoby freaking Brissett at quarterback. Because apparently you can put anyone in at quarterback and once they are blessed with Belichick they become superstars.


And the worst part is that the winless Buffalo Bills and their abortion of a coach are next.  There is only one way Roger Goodell can possibly make this a game that would even resemble a fair fight:


Tebow. He might be a reject who can’t throw, but it’s the only fair thing to do. But even then, I still think Belichick could win with him. Hell, Belichick could even win with this guy:


Johnny Rookie Bitch. Get him out of rehab and throw a jersey on him. He’ll be in the Hall of Fame by next Thursday. Belichick is just that good. If Belichick was President there would be no such thing as ISIS. If Belichick was emperor of Japan they would’ve won World War 2. If Belichick had dictatorial powers then Harambe would still be alive.

Anyway, clearly we are blessed by God. I know some people probably think that we’re kidding when we say that. But it’s very, very real. This is what happens when you study hard, eat your vegetables, and brush your teeth. You grow up to be Patriots fans.

P.S. What’s the point of even bringing Brady and Gronk back before the AFC Championship game? Let these guys go undefeated and the veterans will take it from there. Life is beautiful when you’re a Patriots fan.


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11 Comment(s)
  • Mike
    September 23, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    i heard big Papi is going to QB the next game

  • Brian Northboro
    September 23, 2016 at 3:37 pm

    Brissett is probably out for next week as he needs surgery on a torn ligament in his throwing hand, thumb I believe…

  • Sal Monella
    September 23, 2016 at 3:12 pm

    I’m out in Las Vegas. Visited several bars (duh!) last night when the game started, lost of hate filled rage against the Pats. By the start of the 3rd quarter many of the TV’s had already switched channels as the no one was left to watch the game! Very few Pats fans around the Linq area.

    When Tom comes back he’s coming back mad. Real mad. Really, really mad. He will have a bullseye on his back and if he can stay healthy he will bring us another trophy but this one should be shoved up Goodell’s ass.

  • Phantom
    September 23, 2016 at 11:25 am

    The Texan’s color rush consisted of a deep brown stain in their white pants.

  • Cis white male
    September 23, 2016 at 10:21 am

    Gronkowski will be placed in a cryogenic freezing chamber and suspended in the stratosphere. Then come day of the Super Bowl he will rocket-land into the end zone late in the 4th quarter. He will quickly thaw out and emerge with two robotic arms, just in time to catch the winning touchdown. The ensuing spike will be so legendary that it will be felt by the Chinese as a small earth quake. People will speak of this touchdown for centuries.

  • GoneWest
    September 23, 2016 at 10:15 am

    He’s with the Mets now, but don’t think that he’s not just a phone call away.

  • Tudor turtle
    September 23, 2016 at 9:02 am

    Thank you Mo Lewis.

  • Pennsrant
    September 23, 2016 at 7:28 am

    Yeah, but if these QBs keep winning for the Pats, won’t they be offered a lot of money from some other team?
    Will we be able to afford to keep them?

    • Go Pats
      September 23, 2016 at 8:25 am

      Jimmy is gone for sure. It’s just a matter of how many 1st and 2nd rounders we can get for him. Brissett still has a way to go before free agency. Also, running quarterbacks don’t have longevity in the NFL.

  • Obama Hates Sutton People
    September 23, 2016 at 5:53 am

    Much to the chagrin of my friends, I’ve been saying for over 5 years Tom Brady is not the best QB evahhhh. He has been blessed with the best coach evahhhh and best teammates (Dillon, Bruschi, Ty Law, Harrison, Gronk, Troy Brown, Faulk, the list can go on).

    But what about all of his Superbowl wins? Tom can kiss the hands of Butler, after Butler saved Tom’s ass (after throwing red zone interceptions) to win it.

    Now everyone realizes that this isn’t Brady’s team or Gronk’s team…….it is…..and always will be…….Billy Belichick’s team.

  • Pat's Fan
    September 23, 2016 at 5:26 am

    Great game.

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