Here’s how you can alleviate some of your white guilt for the holidays!

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Hey friends – do I have a holiday gift idea for you (besides all the TBS merch). Do you have someone in your life overwhelmed with white guilt? Someone who’s always looking for a way to assuage that guilt? Well, there’s a new subscription service called ‘Safety Pin Box‘ that wants to help those folks out.

This ‘service’ was started by the two chicks who commandeered the microphone at a Bernie Sanders rally in Seattle –

I know pretty shocking – with the intent to “not only financially support Black femme freedom fighters, but also complete measurable tasks in the fight against white supremacy.”

Ok – well this sounds fantastic. Let’s take a look at the different subscription levels.

First, for $100 per month you can get the Safety Pin Box – which includes ‘A physical “safety pin” box shipped to you with guided ally tasks for the month. Tasks will vary in scope from individual to group assignments, and task categories include data collection, personal development, influencing your networks, and showing radical compassion. You also get some exclusive items like calls to action and membership to the online ‘Pin List’.

Next, for $50 per month you get the Pin Pal’s Box –This box is a partnership box between two white people ($50 monthly subscription fee per person). This box focuses on collaboration and includes: Physical “safety pin” box shipped to one address with guided two-person tasks for the month. Plus the same exclusive items from above EXCEPT the really cool ‘Pin List’

Then, for $25 per month you get the ‘E-Ally Box’ – This box is an electronic form of solidarity and includes: One emailed online task per month. These will be mass tasks shared with other e-allies that month and will be marked by their own special hashtag. This also includes the same items as the Pin Pa’s Box.

And finally, there’s the ‘Revenge Box’ for $50 – this is our current single use box. Send this box to a Trump supporter, bigot, or white supremacist of our choice. You can include your name or send it anonymously, and the box includes: A small box sent to the person of your choosing stating that a donation to an important cause has been made in their name. The box includes an encouragement to recipients to “see what their donation helps support” and a link to a website that features highlights of the current movement for Black lives and stories of Black excellence.

You may be thinking – these are all so wonderful and I have plenty of friends who could benefit from this service – BUT some of them are lazy – what kind of tasks will they be asked to do? Well, because of my deep love for all you Turtleriders I bit the bullet and signed up for their mailing list so I could get a sample task – and what a task it is.

A 4 week exercise in ‘Power Mapping (My) Sphere of Influence’.

• Week 1 – I will be researching Power Mapping – seems like a good first step because I have no idea what it means.
• Week 2 – I need to Power Map my personal life – this should be easy – I’m married – I have zero power.
• Week 3 – I need to Power Map my community – I know we have a Mayor and City Council – so I think I just need to draw an Org Chart.
• Week 4 – Shifting the Tides of Power – apparently I need to help elect a Black Mayor or overthrow the current Mayor and install a Black one – not sure the level of revolution we’re dealing with.

There’s also a hashtag you can use to share and discuss your progress online – #PinBoxMapping – check it out – it’s not exactly trending.

The other half of this service is funding Black women and femmes to continue their work. The application to be considered for funding is surprisingly simple – just a name, website and list the work you’ve done to further the cause.

Of course, no revolution can be complete without merchandise – check these out:

I’m shocked that any of these shirts are allowed to come in white.

There are a number of FAQ’s on the website. Here’s my favorite (emphasis added):

I want to support, but I don’t think I can afford a subscription.

Safety Pin Box offers three different subscription levels (Safety Pin, Pin Pals, and E-Ally) in an effort to be accessible to as many people as possible. We encourage you to think about what you could cut back on or additional work you could take on to make the $100/$50/$25 fee a regular part of your reparations giving.

If a monthly subscription fee isn’t feasible, you can also give a one-time donation on our donation page.

And regardless of whether you support Safety Pin Box financially or not, spreading the word is an important way to support this project. Share Safety Pin Box on all of your social media networks and promote all of our #safetypinbox challenges. Even if you can’t subscribe, you can tweet or share our page on Facebook and that really makes a difference. Also, be sure to invite all your friends to like our page on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. Even consider sending an email to your friends or making an announcement at your church or book club.

These small actions help support Safety Pin Box and translate into real money for Black women freedom fighters.

HAHAHHAHHAHA!! Well, there you go folks. Increase your Ramen intake and pick up some Uber shifts – there are reparations to be paid.

As ridiculous as the subscription service is you have to give the founders credit for coming up with a way to monetize white guilt. I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before every snowflake in the greater Amherst area is using Mommy and Daddy’s credit card to sign up.

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