Bristol and Bret invited two of the organizers of the upcoming straight pride parade, former congressional candidate John Hugo and local bald dude Samson Racioppi, for a discussion about their event. I was not initially a part of this because I wanted to watch with turtle riders instead. However, I couldn’t deal with their bullshit after 30 minutes and barged onto the show to have my say with these clowns. Watch, or just read my analysis below the video. I apologize for the audio coming out of Bristol’s fupa computer.

My thoughts going into this were simple – if they’re trolling liberals and social justice warriors, I respect that. I troll SJWs for a living. I figured this was what they were doing.

But after watching them talk for half an hour I realized that they actually believe that they’re oppressed because they’re straight. Let me be clear here – neither gay people or straight people are oppressed in our society. The only people who are oppressed are monogamous people, AND the Bagel Guy.

They’re the only people who are denied access to GREAT things because of who they are. If you’re a straight guy getting tons of chicks, I totally agree that you should be proud of that. But in no way, shape, or form are you a victim. And that’s what these guys were trying to pretend tonight – that they are victimized because of their heterosexuality. In the words of Bret Killoran tonight, “A lot of people like pussy, you ain’t special mother fucker.” – Bret Killoran

Need that on a t-shirt.

For that reason the first question I wanted to ask them was how often do they get laid? Because if you’re not getting laid at least 3 times a week then you have nothing to be proud of. Hugo told me that he got laid twice a day. Who’s gonna argue with that data?

Not me.

Then at the end we had to figure out who gets laid the most on an average week. They thought this question was beneath them.

“This has devolved into a conversation that we’re not a part of.”

But they’re literally running a parade that celebrates heterosexual sex, so I’m just playing on the field they laid out for us. Bret said he gets it 2.5 times, so I asked them a simple question – can you beat that? Because if you’re not getting laid more than Bret you have nothing to be proud of. They left after that because the trolls running the straight pride parade found this to be beneath them.

And that’s what really disappointed me about this – they couldn’t admit they’re trolling. For crying out loud, the name of their group is Super Happy Fun America. The guy leading the parade is freaking MILO! The gayest person on the planet. That’s the definition of trolling.

But they just had to whine about how they’re oppressed because Samson’s friend has a 12 year old daughter who said she’s pansexual and nonbinary. He cited FBI stats against straight people.

When I asked him simple questions he couldn’t answer he’d ramble on with this sort of stuff:

“You have two combat veterans here who went to war because our values were under attack….”

Oh fuck off with that bullshit. You didn’t go to war because our heterosexual values are under attack. Osama bin Laden didn’t look at America and tell his merry band of terrorists, “Those guys get way too much pussy, and there isn’t nearly enough dude on dude ass-play. Let’s fly four planes into their major buildings.”

They just couldn’t stop.

“Do you know what it’s like to defend this country and then come home and have people attack you on the streets?”

You weren’t attacked on the streets because hot women give you chub though!! That’s the whole point!! No one wants to hurt you because you’re straight. Again:

“A lot of people like pussy, you ain’t special mother fucker.” – Bret Killoran

These guys have adopted all of the behavior from the left that we mock. Frauds.

This isn’t a straight pride parade, it’s is a conservative pride parade. I wish they’d just admit that, because guess what? That’s actually a legitimate cause. You live in a state where people of your political ideology are a distinct minority. It takes balls to be openly conservative in Massachusetts. You know you’re gonna be labeled as a Nazi, a bigot, a sexist, and blah, blah, blah. I can respect that.

But a mob of gay dudes isn’t going to smear you because you like women. You’ll never have to come out of the closet and crush your mother’s dreams of what she envisioned your wedding to be. Gay people, just by being themselves, inevitably have to do this at some point. So having pride season will always be a good because it encourages people to not be ashamed to admit how they were made. They’re not fighting oppression anymore, but it has a purpose. Celebrating pride of your heterosexuality if you’re not getting laid 4-5 times has no purpose.

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