Mainstream Media Fails

The Turtlegram’s Cartoonist Doesn’t Know Where Oxford Is, Even Though His Business Is In Oxford

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The Turtlegram published this story the other day, about a bizarre fake kidnapping scam. Basically a girl at UConn gets a phone call from Queens and the people on the other end told her that her brother hit their grandma and instead of calling the cops they’re holding him hostage. They tell her she has to wire them $1,000 to a bank account in Puerto Rico or he’s dead. The Dad, who happened to be in Adams, MA, gets the same phone call, except they tell him that his daughter has been abducted. When the girl can’t wire them the full $1,000 because she needs to go to her bank to do that, they Google Chase Bank and find the closest one in Oxford. Except there isn’t really a Chase Bank in Oxford, so when the girl gets there they tell her to go to CVS and buy $280 worth of cell phone minutes so the kidnappers can recharge their phone. Then somehow the Honey Farms in Oxford called up the campus police at UConn and said they had the girl there crying, but when the State Cops got there she wouldn’t talk to them because she thought she had the kidnappers on the phone.

If this story seems confusing and makes little sense to you, then try reading the Turtlegram’s version of itIt might be the most poorly written article of all time. But even worse than that is the map that came along with the article:

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Anyone figure out what’s wrong with this map? Oh yea, Oxford is like, 30 miles from where they have it on this map. That red dot is either in Bellingham or Franklin, which is a complete different county.

For the record, this is where Oxford is:

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The best part is that the guy who drew this map is named Don Landgren Jr. So we Googled his name, and guess where his business is located out of?

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Yup. Oxford!! Can’t make this stuff up people!! This is an actual publication masquerading itself as a real newspaper. And businesses are dumb enough to pay them money to advertise on their site. We truly feel bad for Rotmans and all the other chumps who spend thousands of dollars a month to be seen by your grandparents and have their businesses associated with such hilarious incompetence.



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9 Comment(s)
  • mainitx
    January 24, 2017 at 11:14 pm

    Dude, that’s like where Bellingham is. What a dope!

  • John Galt
    March 26, 2016 at 8:41 pm

    I tried to follow that article this morning. It was written at a 2nd grade level, complete w ADD. Absolute novice work.

  • juror seven
    March 26, 2016 at 6:38 pm

    Where’s the piece about the guilty verdict for Peyton Bissell for child pornography? Four years in the slammer and more than likely getting slammed regularly. Add Peyton to the turtleboy graveyard.

  • Reddog
    March 26, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    Why did centerfolds close anyway?

    • BobnMic
      March 27, 2016 at 12:40 am

      Seriously, bummer!

  • KarmaPolice
    March 26, 2016 at 4:21 pm

    The copy desk should have caught that. Oh, wait, it’s The Telegram.

  • Jafreese
    March 26, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    I haven’t set foot in Oxford since Centerfolds closed

  • Boss Tweed
    March 26, 2016 at 4:00 pm

    Langrens cartoons are AWFUL, just plain AWFUL. The T & G pays someone for this crap.

    • Koko's Bills
      March 27, 2016 at 11:30 am

      True. But his cartoons are far superior to EVERYTHING else in that “paper”, especially the two One-Note columnists.

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