Sports

There’s No Way This Tampa Bay Lightning Fan Skipped Prom To Watch The Bruins Lose

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The Boston Bruins season has come and gone. Everyone’s all fired up and saying Claude Julien and Peter Chiarelli should be shitcanned. They’re half right.

I’d love for someone to explain to me how you justify keeping Chiarelli on board. Seriously, what the fuck did he do in the offseason besides set this team up for failure? Isn’t it the job of the General Manager to make the team better? All he’s done since the Bruins won the Cup in 2011 was give out contract extensions to every third and fourth line schmuck on the roster. Meanwhile he dealt Tyler Seguin and Johnny Boychuk for a bag of poo, and let Jarome Iginla, a 30-goal scorer on a team that can’t put the puck in the net, walk away for nothing.

That’s how the 2014 season began for the Boston Bruins. They basically told the fans to go fuck themselves because they could, because they won a cup four years ago.

This isn’t Claude’s fault though. I, like many Bruins fans thought this guy needed to be fired years ago. Then 2011 happened. It’s kind of insane that if the Bruins lost Game 7, which went into overtime, against Montreal in the first round of that year’s playoffs, Claude would be long forgotten by now. Instead he’s the guy that won a cup and brought them back to the finals in 2013.

Does Claude’s minutes distribution make any sense? Nope. Did his choices for shooters in the countless shootout losses defy logic? Yup. But what was he supposed to do with this old, broken down, overpaid lineup of mediocrity?

Oh well, at least we have the Celtics. And at least we have real fans, unlike this schmuck from Tampa Bay that the Lighting’s Twitter account posted yesterday:

Translation – going to watch a hockey game is less embarrassing than going to the prom alone. No one would ever consider going to the prom with a goober who wears his hate like that. You are literally the only high school kid in the entire state of Florida who gives a shit about hockey, or any other event that isn’t college football, gator wrestling, or NASCAR.

Your obsession with a team that the rest of your peers are oblivious to has left you out of conversations and social circles. But you cling to the fact that you do in fact follow the hockey team who plays in your metropolitan area. This has made every female you’ve ever attempted to converse with look at her cell phone out of boredom. This why no one likes you. This is why you take strange joy in watching the Penguins (a team full of assholes) make the playoffs over the Bruins. This is why you’re not going to the prom.

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7 Comment(s)
  • Mahande
    April 13, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    Articles as poorly written as this don’t even belong on a blog let alone on a pretend sports site with more malware advertisements on it than a seedy porn site. Your team lost and instead of sucking it up and writing a coherent sports article about why they lost and what they need to do to fix it, you blame the coach which put you deep into the playoffs last year and won the Stanley Cup in 2011, and then attack a kid with a great sign who probably gets more ass than you because he doesn’t still live in his mothers basement. Try having a bit of humility and sportsmanship in your next article because from what you wrote above, its obvious why you haven’t been discovered and hired by ESPN yet. Oh and….. Go Bolts…. bitch!

    • RJ
      April 14, 2015 at 7:46 am

      I’m sorry you couldn’t go to prom

  • MadamHedi
    April 13, 2015 at 9:57 am

    He couldn’t go, his boyfriend was working at Burger King that night.

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    April 12, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    And I turned down a three way with Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone. It was just too weird for me that the Pope was going to film it for Brazzers.

  • JR
    April 12, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    Awwwww…isn’t he cute. Can we get a re-do on this dork’s picture when his baseball team ends up in Montreal and his hockey team ends up in Quebec City? How do you say “going solo to the prom” in French?

  • RJ
    April 12, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    This kid passed up going to prom like I passed up having sex with that supermodel while riding a unicorn in outer space.

  • O the humanities
    April 12, 2015 at 7:26 pm

    O contraire! There are WAY bigger liar/douchenozzles on earth! In fact, some of yhem work for the WPS!

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