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Today was the Boston Marathon and we wanted to rant real quick about some dooshnozzle named Derek Murphy, who apparently gets off on finding people who didn’t meet the Boston Marathon qualifying standards but ran anyway:
Runnersworld – With its 119-year history and tough qualifying standards, the Boston Marathon has become one of America’s most prized race experiences, and gaining entry is more difficult every year. Facing these challenging standards, some skirt the rules to snag a coveted bib. Derek Murphy, a 45-year-old business analyst in Cincinnati started a blog about race cheating, and last summer with three colleagues began pursuing their ambitious project to figure out how many people got into Boston by breaking race rules. Their first step was to cull the entire list of finishers into a smaller group of likely suspects.
Murphy and his team then began methodically examining available information about each of those runners. First they searched Boston Marathon results to confirm the runner’s time in 2015, and to see if he or she had run the race in previous years. They then looked at MarathonFoto.com to view the runner’s photos from the race. From there, they scouted race-results aggregation websites like Athlinks and MarathonGuide.com. Those led them to more races and more photos.
After seven months, Murphy is deft at spotting suspicious results. When his wife and two children are asleep, he turns on ESPN, settles into his recliner, and opens his laptop. On the screen, he scans a spreadsheet with the data of the participants his algorithm flagged.“This is the rare time that I get to myself,” Murphy said. “This is when I unwind.”
(Derek Murphy is the guy on the left)
I wanna punch this guy in the face. First of all he’s from Ohio. Why he cares about Boston Marathon qualifying times is beyond me. But he apparently catches people all the time. Sometimes they cut the course in a qualifying race, but the most common form of cheating is “bib swapping,” in which you just get someone faster than you to run the qualifying race using your name. Then you use the bib. This is how this asshole Derek Murphy catches you. You run significantly slower than your qualifying time.
This Turtleboy likes to run, but I’ll never even come close to being able to qualify for Boston. Because the standards can only be met by like, 0.1% of the population. In past years I ran bandit by just running without a number, but I can’t do that anymore because the Timon and Jafar the terrorists fucked up that sweet deal for everyone. Thousands of bandits used to run every year and all of them are local folks who just aren’t good enough to meet these prestigious qualifying times. Now that they can’t run anymore it’s a bunch of carpetbaggers tying up traffic in our state.
So like, what’s the point of this? Because this quote makes it sound like he’s waiting for his wife to go to bed so he can lube up and pleasure himself while he catches these “cheaters”:
“This is the rare time that I get to myself,” Murphy said. “This is when I unwind.”
I understand that these “cheaters” take away from other people who want to enter the race but haven’t met the standards. So a simple solution to this is to lower the standards for Massachusetts residents. I’ve been saying this for years. This race is part of our heritage as massholes. This is our day. It should be easier for us to qualify than it should be for some ultra-marathoner from North Carolina who gets to train through the non-existent winters with ease.
Here’s one of the “bad guys” that he caught:
In another case, Murphy started to investigate Gia Alvarez, a popular blogger, after a tipster emailed saying Alvarez gave her 2015 Boston Marathon bib to another runner. Alvarez used the time the other runner ran at Boston in 2015 to register for this year’s race. The BAA has since disqualified Alvarez—and banned her from future events.
“I really am sorry,” Alvarez told Runner’s World. “I am not trying to make excuses for what I did.” She said she became pregnant between registering for Boston 2015 and the actual race.
So let me get this straight. This woman qualified for Boston in 2015, registered, and got a bib. Then she got knocked up and gave her bib to another runner so it didn’t go to waste. Now because of this asshat she is banned for life? Wow, what a nice guy. Going after pregnant women from his basement in Ohio.
This is Gia Alvarez:
As you can see, she is a prim looking star gazer. The same type of woman who has been rejecting a loser like Derek Murphy his entire life. That’s all this about for him. Getting back at the hot girl who wanted nothing to do with him.
The bottom line is that anyone who is willing to stand in Hopkinton and run 26.2 consecutive miles to Boston deserves a tip of the cap. But instead we have dooshnozzle McGee fondling himself to your race results. Couldn’t wish worse things upon this dingleberry.
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