All-Star Criminals WTF

This Juggalo Velocirapist Gives Kitchen Tattoos To Underage Girls & Has A History Of Being A Child Predator

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This Juggalo Velocirapist Gives Kitchen Tattoos To Underage Girls & Has A History Of Being A Child Predator


This armpit leech is a combination of everything wrong with the world:

Shitty kitchen tattoo “artist” giving teenagers permanent reminders of their bad upbringing and poor choices? Check.

Adult Juggalo painting his face and posting pics with his fat man-gunt hanging out? Check

Arrest record, history of child sexual assault and being an overall waste of oxygen? Check, check and check.

This is Martin De Los Santos and he’s your typical everlasting job-stopper from Nashua, NH.

Recently Martin was arrested after inviting two teenage girls to his house to get tattooed and sexually assaulting one of them.

Florida, Georgia, Kansas and NH? It’s like this chode is a cross country traveler but only frequents places with low income guidelines that smell like urinal cakes and burnt hair.


Faygofuckyourself Martin.

Listen, if you’re a 41 year old man with an eyebrow piercing that’s red flag #1 in my book. Combine that with a neck tattoo, wifebeater and a picture mean-mugging with wads of 20’s and I’m immediately going to assume your fingerprints show up in the local PD database. It’s just hoodrat science.

Also, please don’t get tattoos from a guy chillin in Iron Man pajama pants. It wont end well.

Unless you enjoy flaunting body art that looks like a squid spunked all over your chest:

Or you spell “Irish” with a “G”:

The worst part of it all is that there are MULTIPLE other families that showed up in the comments section under his most recent arrest who ALSO have similar assault claims against Martin.


“Yea, I’m really starting to love being single”

Trashua, NH translation: “I invite young teenagers to my kitchen to get gross tattoos and unwanted sexual advances because I’m a skeevy child-diddler”

Honestly, the only thing WORSE than a bootleg tattoo that he could give someone permanently is a baby. Oh wait… He’s already done that. A bunch of times.

These families that have previous claims against Martin need to push the PD and courts to look into them further and take each allegation seriously. This guy is clearly a danger to any child he comes into contact with and shouldn’t be allowed the opportunity to hurt anyone else, especially his own children.

Martin is looking at 7 years of jail time for each felony charge. We’ll keep you updated.

In the meantime if you see this guy on the streets feel free to spit in his face and tell him Turtleboy sent you.



20 Comment(s)
  • Only God can judge me
    October 8, 2020 at 4:19 am

    I happen to know the real side to the story because i know the girl and her friend and half of that shit never happened. The moms just mad that she found out her little daugthers not so innocent. There just twisting shit around to insigate and talk shit. He didnt force her to do anything she didnt want to happen. And if he did something that bad why did he only get 30 days in jail? She even told me that her mom made her talk to the cops. She didnt want to. So before you talk shit a out someone, know your facts first.

  • Kanacke Hasser
    January 3, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    So, according to his stupid gang signs, he watches the “CW”. Stuff his fat ass into a cannon and fire him back at the Dominican Republic.

    Better yet, shoot him at any other child molesting vermin that attempt to crawl into the country.

    Next issue.

  • August 31, 2017 at 3:03 am

    Hello there! Quick question that’s entirely off topic. Do you know how to make
    your site mobile friendly? My website looks weird when viewing from my apple iphone.
    I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might
    be able to correct this problem. If you have any recommendations, please share.
    Appreciate it!

    • August 31, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Try opening in a different browser. Chrome, explorer, etc. Its all different. Hope that helps!

      • Snarf
        January 3, 2018 at 4:59 pm

        Good God don’t use Chrome on Android on this site; it’s unreadable with all the redirect pop up ads (yer phone has malware. Install our malware in 30 seconds to stop uber damage). The bottom one is annoying as well. Use Firefox.

  • The Rant Queen
    August 8, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    So fucking disgusting. It’s ppl like him who make me doubt there’s a God, or that He actually gives a fuck about his “children”. Can we PLEASE castrate these fucks?

    Also, Turtleboy, you’ve got ads taken up a good portion of your page, it’s turned reading your blogs into a guessing game. Can something be done about this?

  • Shaggy 2 Dope
    August 8, 2017 at 2:11 pm

    No issues, just a few minor one’s. Could transmit HIV, AIDS, Hepatitis B & C. Infections are always fun, especially the ink type too. Juggalos rock, see ya at the next gathering. Loved Riddle Box, the best !

  • Mizarable
    August 8, 2017 at 1:19 pm

    Even juggalos don’t want to want to be affiliated with pieces of shit like this. Bruh, don’t even try to call us family.

  • CocktailSauce
    August 8, 2017 at 12:04 pm

    Can you imagine the kind of life you’d be living were you so successful at accumulating so many (what, maybe $400) bucks in twenties you had to impress the world with a picture to prove it? Jeepers, he must have a shot load in his 401K, or 403B, or 457H…
    And these assholes are allowed to vote…..

  • G-Cup
    August 8, 2017 at 11:31 am

    I would like to recommend that turtle boy write more blogs about juggalos & juggalettes. Always a great read. Maybe even send your intern turtle to the gathering of the juggalos next year for commentary and video

  • They call me Ponch
    August 7, 2017 at 9:53 pm

    Send him to the new Detroit Penal Colony…….

    *Remember, a portion of your taxes pays for derelicts like this to exist and proliferate.

    Ed Markey and Elizabeth Warren can suck it.

  • Elizabeth Warren
    August 7, 2017 at 6:29 pm

    A truck rolled over in Quincy killing one teen injuring other teens. Long odds but are any of them the posse from the pier, it would make remarkable follow up story.

  • Stunt Penis
    August 7, 2017 at 6:12 pm

    We we continue to allow these lowlifes to roam the streets is beyond me. The are a menace to a civilized society, and we should simply liquidate them. If it wasn’t for the fact he’s probably loaded with Hep-C and numerous other incurable viral agents, I’d recommend he be dissembled for spare parts for other, law-abiding, productive members of society.

    As Obammy used to say “Elections have consequences”. This is what you get when you continue to elect liberals into office, who appoint “feel good”, softer-than-an-80-year-old-with-erectile-dysfunction judges to lifetime appointments to the bench.

    This country is so fucked its unbelievable.

  • Dick Dover
    August 7, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    Gypsy traveler. %

    • Dick Dover
      August 7, 2017 at 6:02 pm


  • Abraham Lincoln
    August 7, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    He is an artist, art is not to be judged. If you don’t like his tattoos then don’t get one and since when has love been a crime.

    …. hold on… his name is what… De Los Santos… Deport his Ass!!!

  • August 7, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    I don’t see why you are all getting your panties up in a twist. When Lincoln was president, the age of consent in most of the states was 10.

    • Phong
      August 7, 2017 at 5:54 pm

      People wiped their asses with corncobs back then. No thanks.

      • Bill Clinton
        August 7, 2017 at 5:57 pm

        Bet that wasn’t the only thing they did with corncobs… ha ha aha

    • Suck & Fuck
      January 3, 2018 at 4:52 pm

      Most of these little 14 yr old ratchets are already sucking cock & getting fucked, so as long as it’s consensual what matter does it make how old the person fucking them is?

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