Turtleboy Investigates

Thots And Shares Galore For New Hampshire Nurse Who Deleted Viral Post About Being Punched In The Grocery Store After Being Blamed For Coronavirus Outbreak


Thanks to coronavirus the people are gonna need Turtleboy more than ever to get them through this quarantine. And I anticipate no shortage of material being sent to our inbox over the next few weeks. Here’s an interesting post from a nurse in New Hampshire that went viral before being taken down this morning.

So let me get this straight. This woman is a nurse who just worked a 60 hour week on the front lines of the virus. God bless her for that. Then the poor lady went to Stop & Shop for a “simple, fast, and easy” dinner….in the produce aisle. She was wearing her scrubs which made a rabid cheesehog decide that she was patient zero. This cheesehog then blamed her for spreading the disease and cold clocked her in the produce aisle.


Then instead of calling the cops she did the new 911 – posted about it on Facebook for thots and shares. Nearly 8,000 by the time she took it down this morning.

And she’s not even mad at this person because the woman was “just protecting herself” from coronavirus by punching her in the eye.

What store was it at? Mystery.

Did she alert the authorities or do anything besides post about it on Facebook? Mystery.

I’m not saying this is a Jussie Smollett, because I wanna think the best of this woman. She’s a nurse and she’s doing a lot more to fight this disease than I am. But if I was assaulted at a grocery store for wearing scrubs I definitely would call the fuzz and it would take all of five minutes to have the woman identified and arrested. No normal person would ever get punched in the face at the grocery store after getting blamed for causing an epidemic, and just shrug it off like the cheesehog’s actions are completely understandable.

But someone wrote it on Facebook so it must be true.

I messaged and friend requested Amy and she took her page down within 15 minutes after that. Look who else was on the case:

Mitch is Bristol’s coffee bitch. As you can see, they’re so unoriginal that their plan moving forward is to literally just write the same exact kind of stories that Turtleboy did on their shitty website that no one will ever read. This is the same guy who was whining in Discord about me never acknowledging him like he was some important cog in the Turtleboy system who actually mattered.

Yea dude, I never mentioned you because you’re completely irrelevant. You’re also a hack who bites off of other people’s work and I’d never bring on someone with such little talent. Hope that clears things up.

“We just wanted to rebuild on our own. And by that I mean, use Turtleboy to build up a following on our Facebook page, then use that page to direct people to our new channel. That’s what building on your own looks like right?”

Sounds about as legit as getting punched in the grocery store for wearing scrubs.


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43 Comment(s)
  • DD
    March 28, 2020 at 8:22 am

    Nurses need to stop the goddamn hero complex and playing the victim all the damn time. A true hero doesn’t call themselves a hero. I work in a hospital, on the cleaning crew. I have cleaned up after several coronavirus patients. A lot (not all) of these arrogant snotty bitch nurses still treat us like the shit we clean up. They won’t give us the time of day just walk around with their noses in the air. If we didn’t clean up after infected or potentially infected patients the virus would spread through that place like wildfire. Your job is important but so is ours. Get your heads out of your asses!

  • Gilbert Grape
    March 21, 2020 at 8:21 pm

    I don’t buy this story for one second. I don’t care if SHE called the cops or not, she claims she was punched in the face inside a grocery store and NOT ONE witness??? I mean, how many of us would watch an adult punch another adult and not say or do something??? I know I wouldn’t!! I’d be calling the cops myself! She doesn’t even need to press charges. If I saw it happen, that’s grounds for the cops to arrest. That said, I am SICK TO DEATH of RN’s tooting their own horns. I have MANY friends in their field. Quite a few are so self centered that they feel the need to announce to the world “I am the front line of defense”…. Okay??? you point??? You don’t see cops, firefighters, or EMT’s claiming this. I don’t see military (well, not as many) personnel doing it. Also….60 hours???? Big deal!! I work 60 hours a week regularly on overnights. You don’t see me crying. And I’m a single dad!!

    I think what’s more likely is (if she actually does work in that field) that she was assaulted by a patient. I just don’t see someone walking up to a nurse in a grocery store and punching them. In fact, I’d assume just the opposite would happen. Everyone I know is thankful for hospital staff. I don’t see anyone bashing anyone in the medical field. Lastly, I’ve never met a nurse that would take a punch in the face from a alert and oriented patient, let alone someone in a store. “She’s just scared”….. hahaha!! yeah, and I’m sure when someone steals your car you’re just like “Oh, I get it, they just needed a car”……lol

  • Real RN
    March 19, 2020 at 7:21 pm

    Except no one with that name has a nursing license in NH or MA

  • The shiner is real but the story is false.
    March 18, 2020 at 1:36 am

    She got that from Tyreese, a custodian at the hospital.
    It seems that she was cleaning Ty’s pipes in a linen closet, started getting a sore jaw and dragged those black n decker pecker wrecker chompers on his tool like a scrapper stripping copper cable and he reacted by giving her a quick shot to the eye.

  • Katy
    March 17, 2020 at 4:04 pm

    Fake fake fake

  • lebaron92
    March 17, 2020 at 2:27 pm

    Perfect example of Female Privilege: Just go around punching people for no good reason and be able to get away with it.

  • Stewie G
    March 16, 2020 at 8:15 pm

    Poor tooth to gum ratio

  • Benjamin Buford Blue
    March 16, 2020 at 7:36 pm

    Nice mouf ma’am

  • Captain Trips
    Florence Nightingale
    March 16, 2020 at 6:52 pm

    I’m a nurse and I’d love these people to take a swing at me, if this story is true. I’d hit them back so hard that it would take a team of surgeons 12 operations to reconstruct their face.

    • Sgt. Hulka
      March 16, 2020 at 8:24 pm

      Lighten up, Francis.

  • don
    March 16, 2020 at 5:31 pm

    holy crap look at the gums on her. i thought jaws was coming at me at first.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      March 16, 2020 at 6:49 pm

      Do you they take gum donations? She could eradicate dentures worldwide!

  • Nelson Riddle
    March 16, 2020 at 4:56 pm

    She is an impresario playing the “rusty trombone”. Thoughts and prayers and thank you for your service.

  • Gropey Baker
    March 16, 2020 at 3:45 pm

    I have an alibi, just ask my dad.

  • Frank Rizzo
    March 16, 2020 at 3:32 pm

    impressive set of upper gums

  • Back Door Man
    March 16, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Nope. I don’t believe her. But I would punch her brown eye.

  • DudeRanchStripClub
    March 16, 2020 at 2:31 pm

    Just gonna say this: Before you criticize the website of someone else make sure you don’t run one that gives my browser ass cancer. Otherwise, weird content, bro.

  • Put Your Hand in This Hole, Griffin
    March 16, 2020 at 2:24 pm

    Oh god, I really hope there’s a hungry horse back there.

  • Nature Boy
    March 16, 2020 at 2:10 pm

    I’m calling Kayfabe here. A goody two shoes gets randomly smashed in the face at a Shaw’s and just walks away? And not a single employee or bystander called the Police? Impossible, would not happen.

    • Boons Gonna Start Major Looting
      March 16, 2020 at 4:11 pm

      Would in a filthy nsgger hood

  • Mandatedreporter
    March 16, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    I knew it. Your “story” about the nurse is smaller than your bitchfest about Kate.
    Grow a pair.
    Whine, Kate, whine, Kate, Whine, Kate.
    I know you’ll never see it, you’ve gone beyond help.
    You’re sick, deluded, psychopathic.
    What does Elsa say when you watch movies with your little girl?
    LET IT GO!

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      March 16, 2020 at 2:38 pm

      To be fair, the bitchfest was about Moist Mister Mitch.

  • Rich T. Duke
    March 16, 2020 at 1:54 pm

    Hate all you want but their website is clean and contains no threats unlike your cancer site. I predict the eclipse you fear will be here soon.

    You can’t even write a blog about a gummy nurse without crying about Kate. This is sea salt. And quite desperate reach for some drama views. She owns your turtle brain obviously

    • Dick GoZinya
      March 16, 2020 at 2:54 pm

      What is the website Rich?

    March 16, 2020 at 1:31 pm

    are you sure she is a nurse? if she is a CNA, she might be the epidemic after all.

  • Ron Jeremy's Son
    March 16, 2020 at 1:17 pm

    Would. I have a special cream to heal that shiner. I can only apply it a few times a day.

  • Maggie the Cat
    March 16, 2020 at 12:35 pm

    The “average” American today is truly not very bright intellectually. Many of the comments on Turtleboy attest to this.

    • WeRFucked
      March 16, 2020 at 1:08 pm

      Those of us with a sense of humor find the comments amusing.

      Come on. Look just below your comment…
      Ike Turner “I told the bitch to bring home Popeye’s”
      Get it? That shits funny.

      • DudeRanchStripClub
        March 16, 2020 at 2:29 pm

        The Ike Turner comment is so funny it makes me mad I didn’t think of it first.

  • Ike Turner
    March 16, 2020 at 12:15 pm

    I told the bitch to bring home Popeye’s

    • Tina Turner
      March 16, 2020 at 3:43 pm

      What’s love got to do with it

  • Titilating Stories By Bristol Creme
    March 16, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    I write original stories and want to hear from nurses who have been slapped hard in the pussy because they are thought to have coronavirus.

  • Nostradamus
    March 16, 2020 at 12:10 pm

    The world is not coming to an end

  • Lol
    March 16, 2020 at 12:03 pm

    Can’t decide which part of this story is more exciting: the half about how some lady did a who-gives-a-shit on Facebook, or the half where the same old screenshots from Turtleboy’s fight with randos showed up.

    Can’t wait for the weekend when I can watch Uncle Turtleboy literally sit in his basement and read this post back to me!!!

  • You know that's right
    March 16, 2020 at 11:57 am

    She needs cum. STAT! Her face says ‘I do butt stuff’.

  • Joe Curtatone, Somervilles savior
    March 16, 2020 at 11:56 am

    With gums like that, a punch to the teeth would have been an improvement.

  • Big foot of Jefferson
    March 16, 2020 at 11:52 am

    Lmao this went from a nurse making up a story . To being about turtleboy an his “oh poor me” work situation. should change the title from turtle to. Chronicles of a privileged white guy who kinda hates the system an kinda loves it.

  • Anita Morecock
    March 16, 2020 at 11:41 am

    Looks like makeup to me.

  • Wilbur
    March 16, 2020 at 11:39 am

    With gums like that don’t punch her. Feed her an apple. From your palm don’t let your fingers get in the way…

  • Hindu Love God
    March 16, 2020 at 11:37 am

    Cow urine people, drink cow urine. A billion Indians can’t be wrong.

  • Cus D’Amato
    March 16, 2020 at 11:35 am

    Wouldn’t it have been a left hook???? How is a right hook going to give her a black right eye??

  • randiguy2006
    Jesus H. Christ
    March 16, 2020 at 11:34 am

    Dude, the world is coming to an end and you’re in a teenage online girl fight over someone else doing a gossip blog like yours.

    Get some perspective.

    • Four Fox Sake
      March 16, 2020 at 4:30 pm

      No the world isn’t fucking ending because of the virus. It’s been slowly ending for decades/centuries. What else can we do but stay in and call out evildoers? Relax.

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