Turtleboy Investigates

Tinder Tunaflap Tornado Falsely Also Accused A Holliston Murder Victim’s Brother Who She Met In A Mental Health Hospital Of Choking And Trying To Kill Her In May


Yesterday we published a blog about Jessica DePatie, AKA the Tinder Tunaflap Tornado, after she got dumped by a gun she might on Tinder, stalked him like a lunatic, pretended to be pregnant, threatened to kill herself if he didn’t call her back, faked her own death, pretended to a Hopkinton cop, her father, and a radio executive, and harassed the guy who dumped her and his boss relentlessly all day on Thanksgiving.

As soon as the blog was published I got an email from the Tunaflap Tornado as I figured I would, filled with the same sort of lies she told the guy who now has a restraining order out against her. Except this time she pretended that they were together for four months and he kicked the shit out of her.

Now she’s blaming the victim’s mother, and claim to have “evidence” that all this occurred, but she’s not going to show me the evidence because it will interfere with the imaginary trial against her victim.

Oh, and she got her states fucked up too. Yesterday it was Colorado she was running off to, not Wyoming. But I guess all rectangles look alike to her.

She then sent this message using a burner phone to her victim’s boss.

Notice how she mentions an “ex” hitting her there too? Well a couple observant turtle riders noticed a name from her ramblings on Snapchat – Lars.

Lars is the guy she pretends is her ex boyfriend and whom she claims attacked her in those messages. His real name is Lars Bergstrom, an 18 year old kid from Holliston who was arrested in May for allegedly choking and threatening his girlfriend.

Lars met the Tunaflap Tornado in “detox” according to the Metrowest Daily News, but in reality it was a mental health hospital. Ya see, Lars’ older sister Olivia was murdered by her boyfriend in February of 2018. It was all over the news.

He’s obviously fucked up from it, and now he’s being punished again because he had the misfortune of meeting this psychopath there. And just like with the DJ she’s now stalking, she pretended he was her boyfriend (she’s 6-7 years older than him), and made up baseless lies about him attacking her.

A Holliston man hit his girlfriend in the head with a candlestick, choked her with a phone charger and threatened to shoot her, a prosecutor said Monday in Framingham District Court. Police arrested Lars D. Bergstrom, 18, on Saturday, charging him with the incident that occurred last Wednesday, prosecutor Mikela Almeida said during Bergstrom’s arraignment. On Saturday, around 7:22 p.m., police went to Bergrstom’s 447 Marshall St., home for a disturbance. Once there, Bergstrom’s girlfriend said he had beaten her earlier in the week, police said. According to a police report, Bergstrom became enraged when the woman asked him for $60 he owed her.

“He hit her multiple times with different objects,” said Almeida. “He grabbed a phone charger and strangled her with it.”

According to the report, one of the items Bergstrom hit the woman with was a candlestick. She said she saw “colors” after being hit in the head and could not say what the other items were. She said when he was choking her, she scratched his face. Bergstrom told the woman since she was in his house “he had a right” to shoot her. The woman told police she knew Bergstrom had a gun and he kept in his car, police wrote in the report. The woman has bruises on both of her cheeks and injuries to her neck, police wrote in the report, and also found a realistic looking BB gun in Bergstrom’s bedroom.

Police arrested Bergstrom and charged him with strangulation, domestic assault and battery, domestic assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and domestic assault with a dangerous weapon. Almeida asked Judge Jennifer Stark to hold Bergstrom on $1,000 bail, but Bergstrom’s lawyer, Christopher Shannon, said the allegations are all a lie.

“He adamantly denies the facts as alleged in the police report,” said Shannon. “He denies they were ever even dating.”

Shannon said Bergstrom met the woman, who is 23, about a year ago when they were both in rehab. The woman has contacted Bergstrom repeatedly, but he has no interest in her.

Holy fucking shit. This is almost the same exact story she’s now making up about the DJ. A guy wants nothing to do with her, she pretends they were a couple, she stalks him, then calls the cops on him and covers herself in bruises to make it look real. It took place IN HIS HOUSE!! She mentions the gun because he probably told her that if she attacked him he’d defend himself. She knows that all the cops needed to hear were the words, “detox,” “gun,” “boyfriend,” and “money,” and their minds were already made up.

Oh yea, and HE CALLED THE COPS!! Why would a guilty man call the cops to his own house? When cops go to a domestic dispute it’s always he said-she said, and without indisputable proof they’re always gonna believe she said. Especially when the dude has substance abuse problems.

And did I mention the alleged incident took place “earlier in the week?” How convenient. Gives her plenty of time to hurt herself and blame him for the bruises. This is a woman who told the DJ who dumped her that she cut her own leg, took a bunch of pills, and intended on framing him for it.

He is still being charged with four felonies for this, and there is no doubt in my mind that this woman will take the stand and lie. I GUARANTEE none of this happened. But because the kid wears flat brimmed hats and was once in a mental health facility, and because she’s a Northeastern grad who comes from a good family, she will manipulate any judge or jury.

This is scary shit. I’ve called the Holliston Police Department today to speak to an officer about it. Perhaps I’m missing something, but it seems like there is NO DOUBT that she’s making this up. If all they have is her word, then they have nothing, because she’s a batshit insane lunatic who makes up lies about guys who won’t date her like it’s going out of style.

ADA Mikela Almeida is new to the job too.

She’s trying to make a name for herself by going after a guy she thinks is a woman abuser, because she’s prosecuting law in Middlesex County, which has a long and documented history of not prosecuting violent offenders like Jared Remy who go on to murder their spouses.

This is the most obvious free muh boi situation in the history of free muh boi. I’ve contacted Lars’ attorney Christopher Shannon but haven’t heard back yet. Hopefully that changes shortly. Stay tuned for updates on this one.

P.S. A lot of people criticized us for writing this story because this chick is crazy and they felt bad for her. Do you still feel that way now? She’s not some innocent person who’s only dragging herself down. She’s a manipulative evil twat who’s actively trying to ruin the lives of many others. She should be in jail and forced to undergo mental health evaluation.



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63 Comment(s)
  • WeRFucked
    December 6, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    I don’t care. I would. She’s hot.

  • Randolph Scott
    December 5, 2019 at 11:45 pm

    I would just like to put the tip of my tongue up her asshole

  • Ljs
    December 4, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    If you have ever been on the receiving end of crazy like this, you get a restraining order asap and abide by your end of it. Having blogs written and such only fuels crazy and creates more drama. I dont care what happens either way, but I was just saying I’d like to see who this supposed victim is before I can decide if hes really a victim, because he seems to be egging it on. So get a life you gender neutral loser, finn. Get some real friends you have been posting in these comments nonstop for years.

    • True Reality Speaks
      Lowered Expectations
      December 4, 2019 at 5:49 pm

      Finn has only been around a few months. He’s a noob and bandwagoner, and is just a teenager (Finn Hunter). Most of us long-timers ignore him. He’s just another irrelevant pissant with an overinflated ego looking for attention. The blog has picked up a lot of followers like him since they started posting articles about Fakebook ratchets and other people the bloggers need to look down on.

      • Real_Finn
        December 4, 2019 at 7:22 pm

        Lowered IQ,

        “Finn has only been around a few months.”

        I’ve been here for years. Dummy.

        “He’s a noob and bandwagoner, and is just a teenager (Finn Hunter).”

        What makes you think I’m a teenager? Or a dude?

        “Most of us long-timers ignore him.”

        Yet, here you are talking about me. bwahahahaha.

        “He’s just another irrelevant pissant with an overinflated ego looking for attention.”

        Again, who says I’m a “he”?

        “The blog has picked up a lot of followers like him since they started posting articles about Fakebook.”

        I don’t own a Facebook account. I’m guessing you heard me on one of the podcasts and got your feelz hurt. Toodles, dirtbag!

        Get Fucked,

      • Finn Fan
        December 4, 2019 at 7:30 pm

        I have been here years too. I never ever heard of “lowered expectations “. i heard of Finn though. lol. This has to be JJ or WeRFucked. both of them go after Finn rabidly. GTFO

      • Finn is good people
        December 4, 2019 at 8:52 pm

        Finn has been here for a long time. So it seems like it must be you who is new here. Any doubts go back to some articles posted in 2017 and I’m sure you will see Comments from Finn. I love when people try to put someone else down or make them look stupid and it comes back on them.

  • Quasi Moto
    December 4, 2019 at 2:19 pm

    A good ass fucking might help her out
    I’m free this Friday

  • Now what
    December 4, 2019 at 2:08 pm

    Gurrrl, Jack is not worth it. He’s short. You need to read up on eugenics. When you have a baby, the father should be at least 6’2″, intelligent (he left his ‘likes’ wide open. likes turtleboy TWICE!), high earner etc etc. guuuurl, you can do better but first you need to put that crazy back in the box!!

    • Jack is too good for Jess
      December 4, 2019 at 9:03 pm

      Are you serious!!! Jack is hot. Jess is dog shit on the bottom of your shoe that you just can’t get rid of no matter how many times you try, there is always still a little stuck. You think she is too good for him. That’s hysterical for real. She wasn’t even good enough for a kid in mental hospital. Jack actually has a chance at life. Jess not so much. I bet Jack wishes he went home and took care of himself. Now he is living a nightmare.

      • WeRFucked
        December 6, 2019 at 12:20 pm

        Jack is married you dimtwat.

  • Ljs
    December 4, 2019 at 9:48 am

    Yes, this girl is a bit nutty– BUT, this guy jack obviously loves it. Once u ghost some crazy bitch, you dont lure them back in for more drama by contacting turtleboy. This shows that this jack guy is probably just as tapped. Contacting turtleboy about this just opened up another can of bullshit for him, and he had to know what would happen when he did it. Therefore, I think we need to do a little digging on jack as well because I’m sure hes a ratchet jackpot as well. And no, I dont know these ppl. Lol.

    • Real_Finn
      December 4, 2019 at 1:13 pm

      Nice try Jessica.

      Get Fucked,

  • Johnny Lawrence
    December 4, 2019 at 8:28 am

    Just post the noodz already!

  • Everybody's
    December 4, 2019 at 7:26 am

    Sunshine day.

  • hartf811
    December 4, 2019 at 7:00 am

    Electrified train surfing in Brooklyn or saying hello to this chick? If you can look by the herpes lips and the greasy unwashed appearance an smell it would be a toss up.
    Somebody on the imaginary flight back from Jackson Hole has the adjoining seat.

  • A
    December 4, 2019 at 6:21 am

    ATTENTION: turtle boy refuses to post the videos that show that Jack kenney is lying and that Jess is innocent of everything she is being accused of in the article. These are a bunch of fake ass white boys that cant get laid and have found this as their outlet. Go jack off or something so you’re not bitter anymore.

    • B
      December 4, 2019 at 7:14 am

      Listen woman are suppose to respect themselves and not bang everyone and anyone on tinder. Also, it’s not only up to a man to worry about pregnancy. There are plenty of ways to prevent pregnancy. Jess needs serious mental help. Nobody cares to see what Jack did to her because it’s all a pattern and all he did was bang her and be done. Like most dudes on tinder do. It’s a fuck site for Christ sake! She lies to try and trap a man, cause after anyone spends five minutes with this clam they are all set. Remember Lars the 18 yr old little boy, taught her well. Even he didn’t want this thing. That says enough for me

      • B
        December 4, 2019 at 7:45 am

        One more thing, you say these are white boys who can’t get laid. Funny isn’t this article all because one did get laid and ended up with a crazy bitch clinging to his balls, and beat feet the first chance he got. LMFAO!!!

  • JD
    December 4, 2019 at 4:17 am

    Jack will be arrested tomorrow when I file the police report. I went to wyoming and then colorado. Sue me for traveling right? I expect the article to be taken down immediately. Screenshots have been taken of everything. The police have been contacted. This is going to end up being a big deal now that you brought lars into it. Shut it down before I have to.

    • Call me?
      December 4, 2019 at 10:09 am

      I’ll help you take care of that baby shame to let him/her grow up without a father

    • Oh you poor dumb girl
      December 4, 2019 at 5:47 pm

      Jess you can’t shut turtleboy down. You don’t even know how to keep your legs shut.

  • JD
    December 4, 2019 at 4:12 am

    Not me. None of it. Jack sent the texts from burner phones or his friends. His friend called me 2 hours ago to tell me he helped alter the voices in the voicemail. I have videos of jack saying “I understand why your ex beat the shit out of you”. I have videos of him saying I love you too early and me throwing up after bc I thought it was funny. Jack is mentally insane and unfit for society. So is his mother who left me 3 voicemails about killing myself “in Jack’s name” that have been shown to the police. Leave me alone now you went too far. Leave lars alone.

    • Jess is a pig
      December 4, 2019 at 7:19 am

      Girl shut you cock sucker and get to a dr for that fucked up brain of yours. If you got something you want to say, go on the live show. Otherwise, go take your valtrex

    • Real_Finn
      December 4, 2019 at 1:22 pm


      I cannot stand bitches like you.

      “Leave me alone now you went too far. ”

      Kettle meet black.

      Who went too far?

      Eat a bag of dicks.

      Get Fucked,

    • Keep your dick out of crazy
      December 4, 2019 at 6:12 pm

      Jessica, Lars maybe 18 but he is still just a kid. Your almost 25. He just turned 18 so you are almost 7 years older. Your obsessed with him too. While being in a mental hospital your focus should of been on getting help. Instead you decided to drop your pants for a 18yr old patient who was there for issues of there own. Nobody respects a woman who doesn’t respect herself. You brought Lars into this, he taught you well remember. What does a 18 year old teach a 24 year old? Your a sick girl. Jack stuffed you the first night you went out. Because that’s what tinder is known for. Let’s not pretend you don’t know that. And the reason your doing this is because every guy does the same thing to you. Learn to respect yourself and not spread your legs for every guy you meet and you might find one who will actually stick around. That’s if they don’t google you. You weren’t beat like a dog as you claim. Your that girl who hits herself and calls the police to say that someone else did. You self harm for attention. But what I don’t understand is what makes you think anyone is gonna buy your bullshit, you have a track record of doing shit like this. Willing to bet your not friends with any man you have slept with or dated before. Your friend wanted someone else to go to concert with the two of you and you lost it. Jealous much? This is why your life is going the way it is.

  • Alex
    December 4, 2019 at 4:08 am

    You have refused evidence that has shown contrary to what you have posted. How can you call yourself a news organization if you dont cover the facts. Lol jess has supplied videos you dumbasses

  • Alex
    December 4, 2019 at 4:04 am

    DJ Jack Kenney

    David Buono SMP DJ medford ma

    Every article published is a lie. Jess was mercilessly beat up. This is insane. Stop glorifying domestic assault. She never sent those texts they are sent from multiple phones from DJ boy and his little boss.

    • Real_Finn
      December 4, 2019 at 1:19 pm


      You are insane.

      “Jess was mercilessly beat up. This is insane. Stop glorifying domestic assault. She never sent those texts they are sent from multiple phones from DJ boy and his little boss.”

      I wishing you *were* mercilessly beat up – then maybe you would understand that falsely accusing a person of assault is not a good idea.

      You sent all the texts and all the voice mails (or was that his boss too?). You’re a bat-shit crazy twat.

      Get Fucked,

  • Jail house attorney
    December 4, 2019 at 1:00 am

    If this goes to trial she has to testify.
    First question from the defense attorney
    1)how did you meet My client? In a mental institute

  • Inspector Clouseau
    December 4, 2019 at 12:14 am

    I got One question. How or where does this 26 yo Cunt get her money? Daddy. Bullshit job at college. SSI Disability (crazy check) or a real 9 to 5 job (not)…if you want the answer to a problem. Follow the money

  • AngryWhiteDad
    December 3, 2019 at 11:10 pm

    I don’t give a fuck how crazy she is, she’s smoking hot.

    I wouldn’t hesitate at the opportunity to blow some clouds with this girl and drop my daddy juice in her raw dog.

  • Jack Mehoffer
    December 3, 2019 at 9:52 pm

    I’m sure you are really concerned but even the worst public defender can figure this out and now it looks like you are picking on a deranged young girl. Not a good look but at least you have spic tormentor commenting. You can do better.

  • ChipChipperson
    December 3, 2019 at 9:32 pm

    After I was raped the police told me to go to Wyoming too. But it was only because they didn’t want any faggots in their town. Can’t blame them I suppose.

  • Real_Finn
    December 3, 2019 at 8:41 pm

    “I cut up my leg and am bleeding out … and I took every pill I had.”


    I’m guessing you didn’t cut your femoral artery, but if you did (fingers crossed) – it takes about 4 minutes to bleed out.

    You must have the shittiest pills if you’re still around. You took a bottle of Flintstone vitamins and apple cider pills, didn’t you?. Admittedly, I used to eat the Flintstone ones like candy, because they *are* candy.

    Get Fucked,

    • Judge dread
      December 3, 2019 at 11:32 pm

      Hey Finn,

      Don’t knock those apple cider pills (ACP); they will get u mad lifted- esp when ur an “educated” basic meth head white chick.


  • Gone Girl
    December 3, 2019 at 7:45 pm

    Oh look, here’s Lyra,back from the dead. It’s a miracle. Oh Lyra troublesome as ever.

  • Spic Tormentor
    December 3, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    Jess is the type of chick who you can just toss it in the butt without asking. She’s usually crying anyway so it doesn’t matter.

  • Spic Tormentor
    December 3, 2019 at 7:19 pm

    Mental health institutions are a great place to pick up trim. Right behind abortion and methadone clinics obviously.

    • Judge dread
      December 4, 2019 at 1:16 pm

      That is one of the funniest comments I’ve read all week. I’m going to tell my single guy friends go to the abortion clinics, hang out outside, flip some coins, and chase the poontang right after the fetus (stem cell) harvesting process is complete.

      Extra points if they roll in with a utility van with a tinted half moon window on the backside.

  • Startled Pancake
    December 3, 2019 at 6:41 pm

    Mikela Almeida is pretty hawt.

    She’d let me do dirty stuff to her.

    • ChrisInShrewsbury
      December 3, 2019 at 7:32 pm

      What better qualifications for ADA than “Hip Hop Choreography” and a Law Degree from Roger Williams….. Meanwhile there’s a shit ton of *actual* bad guys running around Middlesex County.

      Nice work Mikela…….

      • Startled Pancake
        December 3, 2019 at 9:05 pm

        Of course hip-hop choreography. Cause she’s, you know, Black.

        What are you, a racist or a dance snob? A racist dance snob?

  • Judge dread
    December 3, 2019 at 6:18 pm

    I gave her a chance in the last post i wrote.

    Now the private jet is waiting on the tarmac and she needs to be exported to North Korea for organ harvesting. As if u can get anything useful out of this meth head anorexic chicken legged 80 pound flesh sack whore. But the North Koreans will take her anyway, if not for harvesting just for experimental medical tests.

    Hey you, “I wanna have a baby but no one will make me pregnant” why don’t u just shut the fuck up, go back to rehab for your crystal meth problem, and after like a week or two people will forget you even exist.

    You’re just pissed off you can’t find a guy dumb enough on your slut fuck apps to make you a pregger cuz you want the dad payout and the welfare. I know what ur up to you and I don’t even have to participate in your chicken shit reality dimension. Fuck you. Someone call a wellness check on this cunt to put here off the internet for a while.

  • Clarke Lennon
    December 3, 2019 at 5:55 pm

    And yet here you are.

  • Colonel mustard with the candlestick
    December 3, 2019 at 5:32 pm

    She’s mixing in CLUE boardgame outcomes in with her faux victim stories now. This bitch is literally playing games. Every text from her is word vomit I can’t get through. She’s a raving lunatic.

  • Rembrandt's Dog
    December 3, 2019 at 5:31 pm

    Mikel is hawt. Would.

    • Jefe
      December 3, 2019 at 9:05 pm

      Yea, you would until you heard her start squaking about social justice and all the cancel culture bullshit. These liberal snatches are all the same . . . insufferable

      • Rembrandt's Dog
        December 4, 2019 at 7:30 am

        This dog would be long gone before Mikela even caught her breath. No one wants to hear a third rate set-aside hack pontificate tired SJW lines.

  • Adam Schiff.
    December 3, 2019 at 5:21 pm

    More than a few errors in this, but most egregious was you forgot the redact “Jack” from the second text from her.

    • Poor Jack
      December 3, 2019 at 6:18 pm

      Who cares? It’s really not that big of a deal. They didn’t need to cover the name at all to begin with. How many men are there named Jack? I’m sure there are plenty, so they didn’t give away his true identity. Really bothers you though. You made a similar comment yesterday. I would think it would be more disturbing how insane this woman is, that’s just me though. Lmao

      • Startled Pancake
        December 3, 2019 at 6:44 pm

        Jack Sparrow?

        I’m fairly certain you forgot a “captain” at the front of that.

        • george costanza
          That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow
          December 3, 2019 at 7:43 pm

          aaaargh! mes ears were burning. we on the pearl have no use for a bony scalliwag such as her, off to the brothels of port royal with her.

      • Daniel LaRusso
        December 4, 2019 at 5:27 am

        I actually made the comment yesterday not the guy above.

        It actually is a big deal because whether or not they “had to”, they chose to and clearly screwed up.

        The point is, it is sloppy. if the person was to have their name blocked out to protect their identity; this would be a disaster. Sure, you can argue that if it was more telling than just “Jack” they would be more careful but that is weak seeing as though the opening sentagraph read in part “ after she got dumped by a gun she might on Tinder…..”

        It is not that it “bothers” me as much as it is helpful advice for TB when they complain they are not taken seriously as a media outlet.

        These crazy broads are a dime a dozen so it’s not all that disturbing. Certainly not as disturbing as the seizure I had reading the title. Nor as disturbing as the part about the ADA being “new on the job”. (That is the equivalent of saying, “Turtleboy is new to reporting news so I will stick to the Globe”.). ADA’s, especially those “new on the job” get assigned cases, they do not pick and choose nor do they make the decision on what is prosecuted.

        This is simply constructive criticism. I am a fan of TB but we won’t always agree. I am not one of those pigeons that automatically rallies behind each blog then downvotes any comment that isn’t 100% supportive of the blog.

        Christ, I will edit the blogs. Problem solved.

        • DudeRanchStripClub
          December 5, 2019 at 11:48 am

          You are spot on. I am constantly face palming spelling and grammar errors. Every single time this blog complains about not being taken seriously I reflect on these moments.

  • Mom
    December 3, 2019 at 5:20 pm

    I would love to hear the messages I left. Did she provide them? .
    No seriously. I really wish she would stop.

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Sprinkle Pig
    December 3, 2019 at 5:03 pm

    There’s zero doubt there will be a boiling rabbit on the stove in someone’s house real house. I’m sure 50% of the people reading this have no clue what I’m talking about because that movie was out way before must of you were born. Quite possibly the scariest movie for men at that time

    • Grammar Queers
      December 3, 2019 at 5:22 pm

      Nah Sprinkle everyone knows the movie you’re talking about but nobody cares because you’re a movie referencing homo.
      I have a question, what’s with all the dick bags constantly complaining about the spelling and grammar at this site?
      This is Turtleboy and you’re reading stories about Tunaflap tornadoes and Glooblesloppil cunts. It isn’t exactly grandmas Readers Digest. Get a life you bitchy spelling bee try hards.

      • Sgt Hulka
        December 3, 2019 at 5:41 pm

      • Daniel LaRusso
        December 4, 2019 at 5:42 am

        Apparently YOU care because you took the time to respond mister “I know that movie reference” homo.

        What is it with dickbags constantly trying to use terms In the comments like “Tunaflap tornadoes and Glooblesloppil cunts”? It isn’t exactly a blogging tryout.

        Get a life you unoriginal name calling, tough-talking, I want to talk like Turtleboy hardooooooooooo.

        • Startled Pancake
          December 4, 2019 at 9:50 pm

          Man, you really are a cumstain on a shithouse wall.

          I picture you wearing an M & M’s jacket or a Spongebob Squarepants windbreaker trolling for ass in a public park.

  • Confused
    December 3, 2019 at 4:39 pm

    I thought she was dead…no? That’s what her “father” said…

    • mrme
      December 3, 2019 at 5:13 pm

      Nahh…she is closer to “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti …FFFFFFFF”

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