Toddler-Voiced Tale About Lady Pinching A Fart-Driven Stink Loaf In Marshall’s Is Proof Mom Bloggers Need To Stop Trying So Hard

These Mom bloggers need to quit trying so damn hard…
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.





So I was doing the usual coffee and cruise Facebook thing this morning and this showed up:

I’m just going to come right out and say it…

This story is mostly fakeAF but I laughed reading it to my husband anyways. I have zero issue with someone using their creative license to add a little something to a good story but it’s not always totally necessary. It takes A LOT to get me laughing, or even paying attention, to shit in my news feed. This did both. By all accounts Tara did her job. What she didn’t get was my precious “like.” I just can’t do disingenuous and Tara’s page is filled with over-the-top anecdotes about her days spent as a mother. Howy Cwap indeed.

I think what probably happened is that Tara and her little one actually did walk in to some lady dropping a stink spike at the Marshalls. I think the little one probably did make a joke about the lady smelling. However, I don’t believe the whole thing was quite as elaborate as she wrote down for her followers.

I can’t prove any of this because the only other person in the room was the chick who was brown bombing the discount store. (If it was me I’d admit it… or blame it on Abi like I usually do…) Call it a hunch. What I can say is that I’m a writer and I’ve been in situations where I have to keep quiet while my brain is going a mile a minute. I’ve sat on edge praying my kids didn’t start spewing verbal diarrhea. I always play the funniest case scenario when it happens and I include what I’m thinking when I tell the story later. I don’t make it fact while using my kid’s voice to project my humor.

I see Mom bloggers all the time that feel the need to add that over-written little extra about their kid stories and it’s totally not needed. Sometimes the story itself is funny as is. If you’re good at what you do it will shine brighter because it’s authentic. One of the best things about kids is their natural humor. They don’t need us to be funny for them.

I make posts about my kids all the time but I never have to fluff the story because they are hysterical just the way they are.

My biggest issue here is that our kids are going to go back and read our words when they get older. Shouldn’t we be doing them the favor, if we choose to document them so publicly, to be honest? They aren’t puppets. Aren’t they worthy of at least that much respect?

I wanted to be fair and so I sent this story, as it was posted, to fifteen of my surliest moms. All but one felt it was exaggerated to the point of obnoxious. We love to laugh but we aren’t idiots.

Anyways, I’m not throwing my usual heavy dose of shade. This chick just caught my eye and made me realize how often I see it this new wave of Mom bloggers trying too damn hard. I just rarely get an actual giggle out of it. My advice to them is keep it simple and honest. That’s how you’re going to get my brand of mom to follow you. We keep it real AND like fart jokes. Lay off the extra while you’re already being extra.

11 Comment(s)
  • Janis j
    September 27, 2017 at 4:30 am

    I see this shit all the time with the stay at home Beachbody peddling “coach” moms. …. mostly all the same content too. Its like they have a meeting and then the next day they all have some story to write about with same topic but with different details.

    That Beachbody reminds me of scientology.

  • True Reality Speaks
    A Little Dumber for Reading This
    September 26, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    Wait … you’re a writer? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Now who’s the one embellishing?

  • Fuck you
    September 26, 2017 at 3:42 pm


  • Patrick
    September 26, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    THANK YOU!!!!!! I see this shit all the time and it drives me insane, every morning when I wake up and see my news feed i wonder to myself how many bs stories I’m going to see today and how many morons that are friends with said culprit are actually going to hit the like button and add fuel to the fire by giving them more reasons to do such things it’s bad enough every single thing every woman has to do this day in age has to be documented with a selfie in a bathroom mirror (men and women) but every mother feels the need to write a story about every move their child makes to teeth filling in the to the sounds they make in Wal Mart to every inch that they grow and while some and most of them are true which is still unbearable to have to read everyday u know ur always gonna see those couple over the tops bs made up nonsense these retards actually take the time out of their day to sit back and take the time to think up enough shit to fill up these dumb stories with to try and get a like out of their super mom clubs. Give it a fuckin rest u retards we don’t care about ur infant getting a erection cuz he has to pee and you feel the need to twist the story into it being because Hannah Montana is on TV in a bathing suit and lil Timmy’s hard on was so adors this morning! Like what the fuck is wrong with these bitchs? Being said I can’t stand the mother of my children but only because we have our own reasons for hating each other she would never try and do this type of bs when it comes to our kids thank God. 1 more thing I can’t stand the moms that have these hideous looking baby’s infants toddlers and children that have to post pics of them constantly there’s 1 especially I’m friends with and the mothers gorgeous but the kid is soooooo fucking hideous it sucks cuz the moms hot and I wanna nail her bad but I wanna say lock that kid in a closet so once that baby came around and I saw it I just stopped talking to the girl completely but be were still friends on fb and I’ve watched the little mongoloid grow and he’s been 1 ugly duckling since he came out. Smh. U guys would have a blast if u saw pix of the kids father the fact that he knocked up the girl shows me clearly she must have issues and just stay anyways though. Good read turtleboy as always u guys fucking nailed it. I absolutely love your stories.

    • Smith
      September 27, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      You could uhhh…ya know..stop using Facebook instead of toiling through your feed, raging against every blog post that doesn’t align with your particular views. Just a thought. Hell, your friends and followers might thank you for excusing yourself from their own feed based on your insights and the style in which you choose to rant.

      That’s just a thought though.

      Also, if you need translation:
      Maybe u could just delete your facebook and all those bitchs that write those shitty blog posts u hate so much would stop jumping out in ur face making u all pissed off all the time but y should u have to delete when they r the ones writing the shitty shit n then posting it like what the fuck they have a lot of nerve lol cuz thats just dum rite?

      Get off Facebook and get a life.

  • Roach Coach
    September 26, 2017 at 1:36 pm

    How can you assume it was a woman in the next stall? Nowadays, could’ve been non-binary, transgender, gender fluid, etc (more to come in future as they are invented). Very, very narrow minded woman! Geesh! Get with the times.

  • The Rant Queen
    September 26, 2017 at 12:45 pm

    I think she made the whole thing up. She comes across as one those types who hears about something happening to someone else, and then makes up a story similar to that one and tries to make it even more outrageous/funny than the original story, to one up them.

    Granted, kids do not have a filter and don’t know about common courtesy at that age, but I still think she made it up. 3 year olds, don’t talk like that. Idc how smart you think your kid is at 3, they aren’t speaking full sentences like that.

    Also, for someone who was trying to save the farting lady’s dignity from her toddler, she sure contradicted herself in her post. “Sorry Fart Lady for my 3yo’s commentary, even though I’m definitely exaggerating, and using creative words to describe your disgusting display of a totally natural bodily function, that we all do. It smelled so bad it made my eyes water and burn. But sorry my 3yo pointed it out in a simpler, less rude way.”

    Also, Idk anyone who would ever willingly use a public restroom to take a shit. Anyone who does either got diarrhea all of a sudden or they actually have no shame and therefor wouldn’t have been embarrassed by the 3yo pointing it out. So. 100% FAKE.

    I have a kid, myself, and let me tell you she tries to whisper to me when she sees an obese person, but she just can’t grasp the concept of “talking very quietly” quite yet. Now that shit is funny.

    • msheadkracker
      October 4, 2017 at 2:11 am

      See, I totally agree! No one is shitting in public unless it’s an emergency, or you’re a young child and don’t know yet. This woman could’ve gone about the story in another way but she called the public shitter out, and that’s not cool at all.
      As for the obese people thing, you’ll love this. I get told this story by my mother a lot, she just loves embarrassing me! We got out of the car at a store one day, 1982/1983, all I know is she said I was almost 4, she was holding my hand and I got very excited and she knew why, I had this obsession with obese people apparently. She said she had to cover my mouth while we were walking behind her because I kept trying to get her attention because of this rather large woman. As soon as the lady was out of ear shot she said I yelled in a very excited voice “Mom! Did you see that lady? She had butts on her knees!!” I guess I was very outspoken as a child and she had to restrain me from saying inappropriate things all the time. My own kids do the same thing too, they have no filter and until they get to 6-7 years old, they will say anything, even if it’s extremely embarrassing!

  • Pathetic Shits!
    September 26, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    So, what you’re saying is that you have reached the limit of your “journalistic”(?) abilities and have decided to write about someone shitting in the can? Pathetic Wretch! What will this blog devolve to?

    • getfuct
      September 26, 2017 at 12:33 pm

      Yet here you are giving page views to the very blog you hate so much. Helping him to make money. Hahaha

  • They call me Ponch
    September 26, 2017 at 11:59 am

    Mommy, why does the pop pop smell like bleach?

Comment on this Post


This Truck Driver Was Really, Really Pissed About The 65 Car Accident Pile Up On 290 In Worcester.
Chinese Guy Jumps Seven Floors To His Death To Get Out Of Shopping With Girlfriend
South African Dude Who Pretended To Sign Language Obama’s Nelson Mandela Speech Is Apparently An Insane Murdering Rapist?