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Top 10 Reasons The Colts Are The Biggest Joke In The NFL

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The game we’ve all been waiting for will be here in 48 hours. I honestly feel bad for the players on the Colts. Same thing goes for Chuck Pagano. They didn’t ask for any of this. They had no idea their media and their organization was going to organize the most pathetic, failed attempt to justify a 45-7 ass beating in the AFC Championship. They knew they lost. They knew it had nothing to do with PSI. And now they’re going to have to pay the consequences. It must suck to play for the Indianapolis Colts. Here’s the top 10 reasons they are the biggest joke in the NFL.

10. Jim Irsay

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When your owner is a meth-head drug dealer it’s hard for anyone to take you seriously. Don’t worry though Jimmy, your idiot fans have your back.

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Actually the Colts have cheated, which we’ll get too shortly. But please tell me more about how Bob Kraft is the bad owner in this pairing. LOL. Everything about this comment just reeks of Colts fandom.

 

9. Indiana

Indiana has quickly risen through the ranks as one of the most debaucherous wastes of space fly over states in our great land. Seriously, with the stories coming out of this state it’s starting to rival Ohio for the Florida of the North. The worst part is that it’s filled with Indiana people. They’re like Buffalo people except they don’t swear. To them the fact that they lose to us every year by a million points is inconsequential. What really matters is that they tried their best and the Patriots cheated in their minds. This comment right here is the most Indiana thing I have ever seen. This is why Indiana can’t have nice things.

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8. Rule changes

Remember when you used to be able to hit in football? Yea, the NFL wanted Peyton Manning to get his and Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne kept bitching about being pushed around by the likes of Assante Samuel, Ty Law, and Rodney Harrison. So every year, thanks to the Colts, the NFL has an annual tradition of changing the rules to make it harder for the Patriots to win. No big deal. We’ll spend the offseason trying to figure out how to beat you differently. You can spend your’s thinking about our balls.

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7. AFC South

Andrew Luck probably won’t play on Sunday. Not because he’s hurt, but because he knows he can’t beat real teams that play outside of the abortion that is the AFC South. His career record against his division is 17-2. His career record outside of his division? 17-15. His career record against the Patriots? 0-4. The Patriots haven’t scored less than 40 against them since the franchise came to town. Luck knows that the Patriots aren’t some crapbag team like the Titans, Jaguars, or Texans (all of which easily could’ve beaten the Colts in their only 3 wins), so he has no reason to come out and play. Because the Colts are only good in the minds of NFL “experts” because they beat the shit out of this God awful teams.

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6. Suck for Luck

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The Colts blatantly cheated to get Andrew Luck. After all, when you purposely lose your first 14 games because the next great quarterback is going to be taken in the 2012 draft, that is cheating. Because the rules say you’re supposed to try your best. And clearly the Colts didn’t try that year, as can be seen by the fact that they won their last two games easily – because they had already clinched the top spot.

Not that I care about tanking, because as a Celtics fan I’ve rooted hard for the tank more times than I would’ve liked to. But the fact of the matter is that losing games on purpose gives you an advantage that all the PSI in the world cannot. It didn’t affect us because we already have the greatest quarterback of all time. But how’d you like to be the Redskins? That team actually sucked and deserved a shot at luck. Instead they got stuck with RG3 and they continued to be the Washington Redskins. They’re the real victim here.

 

5. Banners

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Nuff said. We’ll have to get them a banner after we leave Sunday – “I survived Hurricane Brady.”

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4. Gregg Doyel


We have trolls in our media, like Dan Shaughnessy and Tony Masserotti. But at least those guys can kind of write. Plus they’re instigators that tell you why the Patriots aren’t the greatest team ever, so they give us someone to yell at locally. But Gregg Doyel writes for the Indy Star, and he is the biggest click-baiting whore on the Internet. There’s no way he can believe garbage like this:

The Colts don’t have much going for them in this matchup — they don’t play, coach or cheat as well as the Patriots — but they do have surprise. If this is me playing the lame homer card, fine. The Patriots cheated the team in my city. Residents of Indianapolis and the surrounding areas, you give the Colts the best you’ve got: money, emotion, more. The Patriots rigged the AFC title game. Cheated the Colts. Cheated you.

It’s probably why his own fan base is rejecting him:

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I can understand if he actually felt this way, but he’s literally just saying this shit because he’s trying to get you to click on his blogs. He’s a loser writer for Indiana who covers all things Purdue, so no one gives a shit about what he’s writing unless he’s poking the Patriots. It’s one thing if you do that for your local smut blog, but the game supposedly writes for the IndyStar – a real newspaper that exists in America. He’ll be the first to admit what his whole purpose on earth is:

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See that? That’s what he does. Then he plays the victim:

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Wahhh, people are being mean to me in Twitter mentions. Hey Doyel, welcome to the Internet. When you have 90,000 followers on Twitter you look like a moron when you complain about people saying mean things to you. That’s how the Internet works.

 

3. Ryan Grigson

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The Colts defense last year was a disaster. Real teams that aren’t perpetual jokes go out and shore up their weaknesses. After all, you’ve got one of the great young players in the game at quarterback. If you can give him a defense that doesn’t force him to have to score 50 points a game you might actually be able to do something in the playoffs. Instead Colts GM Ryan Grigson spent the entire offseason trying to prove the Patriots deflated some balls in a 45-7 ass beating. Oh yea, and he signed a couple of aging players (Andre Johnson and Frank Gore) who haven’t been good for years. That oughta fix it. What’s too bad is that Chuck Pagano is probably gonna lose his job after the Colts get destroyed again this season, and this asshat will be the one to fire him.

 

2. Bob Kravitz

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Gregg Doyel tries too hard to be a captain badass. But Bob Kravitz is just a walking, talking, throwback midwestern vagina. He likes to play the passive-agressive guy, even though he intentionally provokes Patriots fans with his drivel. He’s the mastermind behind Deflategate who made the whole thing up so his kids would love him again.

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Well it turned out the whole thing was a lie. Brady never deflated any balls and Kravitz was just making it all up so he could get on CNN. But do you think he’s surrendering? Nope, not in his DNA:

I don’t blame Ryan Grigson or anybody from the Colts for demanding a level playing field, for raising a stink about deflated footballs. That’s part of the job description. The Colts suspected the Patriots were trying to game the system, and, in the end, they were right. Those two lost draft choices and the $1 million fine were not a figment of the Indy media’s imagination. They cheated, which was absurd, because they didn’t need to cheat. As to Brady’s role in the whole fiasco, we can argue that until the Apocalypse, and we probably will. (Transient testing anybody?)

Oh shut the fuck up. Do these idiots not realize how they come across? They cheated?? By allegedly having knowledge that some balls were slightly deflated? How fucking stupid do you have to be to actually believe that that is cheating? Cheating gives you advantages. Tom Brady has been raping the shit out of everything that walks in front of him ever since he started playing with NFL-regulated 12.5 PSI balls. Clearly anyone with a brain can tell that PSI is of ZERO consequence to anything. Therefore, even IF Brady knew about the “deflated” balls (which there is no proof of), it would not give him any advantage in the game. Therefore it’s not cheating. Don’t worry though, Kravitz will continue to write this garbage for as long as he can because just like Doyel, he’d have to go back to writing about Indiana State cross country.

 

1. Colts fans

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Just an awful group of people. Give me Bills fans any day of the week over these wastes of space. They’re like a collection of Ned Flanders grandchildren who have been led astray by their propaganda media mouthpieces – Kravitz and Doyel.

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I can’t even make fun of these people like I can with Bills fans. At least Bills fans kind of know what they’re talking about and deep down inside they know that Brady is going to violate them year after year. But these nudniks actually think the Colts are going to win this game. It’s like they completely missed all those games where the Patriots put up 50 points on them.

Sunday night is going to be the greatest Patriots porn we’ve seen in a long, long time.

 

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3 Comment(s)
  • Tngsucks
    October 16, 2015 at 6:11 pm

    How about blowing a game to the Jets so they could get a gimme in the playoffs? Anyone notice their symbol looks like a toilet seat?

    • Sissy Hankshaw
      October 16, 2015 at 8:10 pm

      and a PUBLIC toilet seat which is the worst kind!

  • JoeMomma
    October 16, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    You forgot the fake crowd noise they use so the Patriots can’t hear Brady changing the play at the line. It will be extra loud on Sunday to cover the sound of 60,000 people crying. They are putting in OT to make sure the crowd noise doesn’t skip again this time.

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