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Welcome to Round 2 of our Super Bowl prop bets. If you’re like me, this is the greatest day of the year not only because you love football, but because you love gambling. I usually come ready with a list of at least 50 Super Bowl prop bets ready to go for this game. I’m getting aroused just thinking about it. What we’re gonna do is list ten prop bets every single day. We’ll explain our rationale, and the people can vote on how Turtleboy should wager his money for Sunday. We all don’t have lucrative rap careers to fall back on, so I need you people to help me out with these. Turtleboy Jr.’s college fund is depending on it.
1. How many times will Gisele be shown on TV during the game? Over/under 1.5.
Seriously? 1.5? Ummm, she’s only one of the hottest and most wealthy women in the world and she’s married to the quarterback from the winning team. Free money. Way, way, way, over.
2. Will there be an onsides kick?
I like Yes on this one a lot. Patriots should be up by double digits in the 4th quarter, just like the Packers were. But unlike Green Bay we won’t have some dumbass try to be a hero and ruin it for everyone.
3. Parlay: Will Punxsutawney Phil see his shadow, AND who will win the game?
Get your bet in on this one now because I expect the line to change the closer we get to February 2. According to weather.com it’s supposed to be shitty on Groundhog day this year. I’m not a rocket scientist and I don’t pretend to be a real scientist like Bill Nye. But I’m pretty sure when it’s cloudy and snowing you can’t see your shadow. Especially if you’re a stupid groundhog like Phil. And since the Patriots are obviously gonna win, I’d take the bet for +220 that he doesn’t see his shadow and the good guys win.
4. Doug Baldwin over/under 54.5 receiving yards.
Doug Baldwin redefines mediocrity. And he’s their best receiver somehow. The fact that Seattle is this good with those kind of receivers and a slightly above average quarterback is nothing less than a miracle. The Seahawks have played 18 games this year. He has gone under 54.5 receiving yards in 12 of them. Oh yea, and did I mention he’s gonna be on Revis Island? Easiest bet I’ve ever seen. Way, way, under.
5. Shane Vereen over/under 12.5 rushing yards.
Shane Vereen can’t even really be considered a running back anymore. Tom freaking Brady has had more rushes than him in the postseason. He has gone under 12.5 rushing yards in 7 of his last 8 games. In the postseason he’s had a grand total of two carries. TWO FREAKING CARRIES!! But I’m sure he’ll have his breakout game against the greatest defense since the 85 Bears right? Come on bros. I love Shane Vereen but this is an under for sure.
6. What will be the result of the first coaches challenge?
If Belichick makes the first challenge then it’s 100% going to be overturned. Obviously. Pete Carroll is the wild card here, because despite winning the Super Bowl last year, he is still Pete freaking Carroll. The man is a 9/11 truther. He is capable of anything. I’d say he has a 40% of getting a call overturned. If you divide that you get 70%. And since Vegas is pretty much treating this as a toss up, you gotta take the one with better odds. The first call will be overturned for sure.
7. What will be higher – Carmelo Anthony points vs. the Lakers, or Patriots points vs. the Seahawks?
I don’t know much about the NBA this year because it’s such a stupid league, but I checked it out today. Turns out the Knicks are like 8-40. I DO know that Melo is a selfish dingbat who is apparently on a terrible team, and will be going up against another terrible team (Lakers) led by a selfish dingbat (Kobe Bryant). I fully expect this game to be a one-on-one showcase with no defense. Both guys will score 65 points and we’ll be reminded why the NBA isn’t worth watching unless the Celtics are good. As dominant as the Patriots are, I don’t think they’ll have enough time to score 65 points. Therefore I’m taking Carmelo Anthony points scored on this bet.
8. Total interceptions for Richard Sherman – over/under 0.5?
I full expect Tom Brady to come out and shove his fully inflated balls down Richard Sherman’s gullet. There’s just so much going here for Tom. He’s been disrespected ever since he annihilated the Colts. Couple that with the fact that the last time these two met this mushmouth came up to him and asked the King, “You mad bro,” after Seattle won a meaningless regular season game. Do you think Brady just forgot about that? Every night after he makes sweet, sweet love to his wife, Brady thinks back to that game and plots his revenge. Oh yea, and Dicky Sherman’s intercepted a grand total of THREE quarterbacks this year in the regular season – Colin Kaepernick, Derick Carr, and Ryan Lindley. That’s it. Three chumps. This should be -1,000 for the under. -230 is a free lunch. Take the under.
9. What will be the first enforced penalty of the game?
False start. Obviously. Those fat bastards are gonna be nervous as shit. No explanation needed.
10. What will the last score of the game be?
Patriots should be up by 7-10 points in the fourth quarter. They’ll be killing some clock, which means running the ball. Finally Legarette Blount will scamper on in and officially get the duck boats warmed up. I’m taking Patriots rushing TD as the final score of the game.
Agree? Disagree? Leave it in the comments. More prop bets coming your way tomorrow.
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