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I love how important last night was for Bills fans. Biggest game they’ve played in the last 15 years. Sound familiar? Oh yea, every time they play the Patriots it’s the biggest game they’ve played in the last 15 years. For us it’s just another win we have to get through on the way to the Super Bowl. Honestly, the injuries are starting to get to me. Obviously we’re not the same without Julian Edelman out there. Gronk looks hobbled. Dion Lewis is a bigger loss than I thought. Amendildo is back to being injured. Might be time to let Garoppolo start getting his first kills. He has to learn sometime. Anyway, you don’t beat a quality program like a Rex Ryan coached Bills team if you’re not cheating. Here are the 10 ways the Patriots cheated to beat the Bills…..again.
10. Logan Ryan gave Jerrod Mayo the cheat code.
We all played video games with the guy who you KNEW had the cheatcode, but you just couldn’t prove it. Same shit with the Patriots last night. This play set the tone for the game. Jerrod Mayo has been quiet all season, probably because he’s not very good. The only way he could make a play in the backfield is if someone gave him the cheatcode. Watch what happens between Ryan and Mayo right before he makes this tackle in the backfield:
Shaaaady. It’s even more obvious they cheated because the guy he tackled is named Shady too. #CheatcodeGate
9. Rex Ryan play call.
It’s bad enough that we literally own Rex Ryan’s brain. Now we’re trolling him too by naming our plays after him:
Of course the “Rex Ryan” play involves us giving it to the fattest guy in the backfield and running straight into the line. That basically sums up what a Rex Ryan offense looks like. Either way, trolling is illegal because it hurts people’s feelings. Rex Ryan should be able to lose in peace without having to endure such senseless trolling. #TrollGate
8. Patriots made Rex Ryan break his headset.
Rex Ryan smashed his headset late in the first half after James White’s first touchdown. He basically had no choice. The Patriots own his brain. Any normal team takes the three points there and goes into halftime with a 6-3 lead. Not Belichick though. He HAS to score a touchdown, thus forcing the headset smash. And what happened during the Bills failed fourth quarter drive as a result of this? Let’s see:
Oh yea, the headsets didn’t work. Because Belichick MADE Rex Ryan break it. #HeadsetGate
7. Donald Trump built Trump Wall on Patriots defensive line.
Trump loves to talk about this wall he’s gonna put up. Keep in mind, the guy was in Worcester this week AND Tom Brady supports him, AND he told the crowd that he likes Tom Brady. Look at some of these plays:
Don’t you see what’s happened here? He came here this week to build Trump Wall, and he built it in the Patriots defensive line. Undocumented immigrants might be getting through that thing, but LeSean McCoy sure as hell ain’t.
6. Patriots didn’t huddle.
The Patriots already have a huge unfair advantage because they have a coach with a brain. Rex Ryan is slow, fat, and stupid. He needs time to set his defense up, and Belichick knows that. So when Belichick went no huddle at the three yard line, Rex Ryan was totally confused because normal teams use a huddle in that situation. He had 25 guys on the field and couldn’t stop White from scoring there. Taking advantage of the fact that Rex Ryan is a moron is basically the same thing as cheating. #NoHuddleGate
5. Albert Haynesworth towed Rex Ryan’s Billsmobile.
This week we delved into the fact that Albert Haynesworth has teamed up with Worcester’s notorious Pat’s Towing to try to steal back the city towing contracts. Pat’s Towing is known for stealing your car if you accidentally park it in a spot you’re not supposed to for five minutes. And what can’t you do when you don’t have a car? Oh yea, DRIVE. And how many times were Bills DRIVES stopped last night by the Patriots? Oh yea, all of them. Because you can’t DRIVE if Fat Albert and Patsy Santa Maria have your car. And obviously the Rex Ryan Billsmobile is impounded on Shrewsbury Street now, and more than likely when Rex goes to get it their stereo and GPS will be missing.
Oh yea, and which team did Haynesworth “play for” after the Redskins cut his fat ass? Oh yea, the Patriots. #FatAlbertTowGate
4. Brady refused to get sacked
Look, when your offensive line gets manhandled like the Patriots did last night, your quarterback is supposed to get sacked. It’s what you do. Not Tom Brady though. Oh no, when he felt pressure he purposely ran outside of the tackles and threw the ball into the ground, thus avoiding a sack, intentional grounding, AND an interception. Sure, it’s not technically against any rules, but this is the Patriots we’re talking about. All they do is find obscure rules like this and manipulate them for their advantage. Guaranteed this becomes illegal next year, which still makes it cheating for this year. #GroundingGate
3. Belichick illegally summonsed Angels.
Everyone knows that the Patriots are God’s team of choice, and thus Patriots fans are God’s chosen people. Well right after the now infamous inadvertent whistle Belichick started doing this:
I mean, we’re not even trying to hide the fact that we are touched by an Angel anymore. Dobson out? Refs blowing inadvertent whistles? Amendildo hurt? No biggie. We’ll just call in our Angels and they’ll give magical powers to guys that no one outside of New England has ever heard of like James White, Dominique Easley, and Malcolm Brown. Does anyone else have Angels and God looking over them like this? LOL. As if God loves Rex Ryan or Buffalo. #AngelGate
2. Belichick had a spy blow the inadvertent whistle.
It might seem like the inadvertent whistle hurt the Patriots, which is exactly what they wanted you to think. Here’s the thing though – we didn’t need that touchdown because we were winning when it happened. But what do you think the refs were gonna be unlikely to do after that? Oh yea, blow whistles against the Patriots. It was all part of the master plan. Belichick had one of his plants on the Bills sideline blow a whistle, the Patriots got screwed but still got a first down out of it, the refs felt bad, and from that point forward the Patriots got all the calls and won the game. It’s genius really. #Whistlegate
1. Ahmed Mohammad was running the clock last night.
We could’ve won that game by 30 last night if we wanted to. We’re playing with a bunch of cripples, the refs are taking away touchdowns, and Brady is chucking the ball deep for no reason to walk-ons in the 4th quarter. And we’re still winning. Roger Goodell made us do this. All we wanted to do was do what we usually do – go 12-4, win the AFC East, make the AFC Championship, and see what happens from there. Because no matter what happens God still loves us more than everyone else and He will continue to bless us as we move forward.
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