Top 10 Ways The Patriots Cheated To Beat The Dolphins

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They tried to stop us. They really did. They suspended Tom Brady for four games for doing absolutely nothing wrong. They snapped Jimmy Garoppolo in half. They scheduled our opening night game against a Super Bowl favorite on the road. And yet here the Patriots are, still standing at 2-0. Of course they can’t beat these teams without cheating. Everyone knows that all of our Super Bowls and consecutive winning seasons are directly the result of cheating. Here’s the Top 10 ways the Patriots cheated to beat the Dolphins.

10. Using invisible balls

Obviously Jelani Jenkins did not see that ball. Makes no sense either because it almost hit him in the head and Amendildo made it clear as hell that it was heading in his direction. Typical of the Patriots to use an invisible ball. Wouldn’t put anything past them. #Invisiblegate


9. Black Groans

It’s patently unfair to have Gronk on your team. The only reason we’re even allowed to have him is because he promises to get injured a lot. Now they’ve brought in Martellus Bennett, who is clearly just a black version of Gronk. You’re only allowed to have one Gronk per team. #BlackGronkgate



8. Broken helmets

Last year the Patriots were messing with headsets on opening night. Now they’re messing with helmets. Sure, technically they have nothing to do with the Dolphins helmets, but until we go through everyone’s cell phone and read all their text messages we’ll never know the truth. #Helmetgate


7. Illegal use of gravity

Jarvis Landry was wicked pissed after this play. He got up in Coleman’s face and rightfully so. How dare someone try to tackle him in a football game while he’s trying to go forward!!! And how bout that part at the end there when Coleman took him to the ground. It’s bad enough the Patriots have every possible advantage going for them. Now they’re using gravity too. #GravityGate



6. Missing safety

Anyone see where the safety went on that play? Probably buried in the Hillary Clinton “I saw something” graveyard. The corner obviously was expecting safety help on that play, but it just wasn’t there. Where’d he go? Anyone who thinks Belichick isn’t capable of making him disappear out of thin air doesn’t know the Patriots.


5. Ryan Tannehill – unprepared

Ryan Tannehill is the most prepared and dedicated quarterback in the league. He would never look like a complete buffoon like this unless the Patriots started fucking with his snap count and forced the center to snap the ball early like that.



4. Martellus Bennett treating people like bitches


Black Gronk doing Black Gronk things. Get that dude a safe space!!! Triggering on the offense!! 50 yard penalty and forfeiture of first round draft pick! #Bitchgate



3. Patriots are scavengers

Like a bunch of hyenas fighting over a carcass. Football is a man’s game, One on one. Just let the man go down. That’s what a classy organization would do. But the Patriots are a bunch of cheaters who literally just steal the ball right out of your hands even though it’s not their turn to have the ball. #Scavengergate



2. Jimmy Garoppolo is the Nostradamus

Can we just talk about how amazing this guy is? I mean, we all knew he’d be decent, but the man has Brady-like tendencies. He ain’t Tom Brady, but he’s as close as you can get in this league. He’s also a cheater, who knew they’d win this game three years ago and tweeted it as such. Get better Jimmy!! #Nostradamusgate



1. Oppression


Arian Foster and his fantastic friends were right to kneel. He’s been oppressed by the Patriots his entire career. Now that he’s on the Dolphins it’s gonna happen twice per season too. To make matters worse they were oppressed by little white guys the entire game. I mean, just look what Julian Edelman did here:






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13 Comment(s)
  • Go Pats
    September 20, 2016 at 7:13 am

    I was try to watch a commercial marathon on Sunday but it kept getting interrupted by some football.

  • Wwy
    September 20, 2016 at 12:59 am

    With the kike Kraft cheating became popular for the pats

    • BobnMic
      September 20, 2016 at 1:27 am

      Wwy – get your dumb ass racist anti-semitic rants the fuck out of here. Yup you did come at me in the past and I never forgot so it’s my turn now fucknut. You are about as nuts as this fake lawyer fucknut who posts on here 24/7. My question is where do you insane people come from? And why to this blog of all blogs? It makes no fucking sense.

      This blog is billed as a family friendly feminist blog leaning, but not exclusively, toward conservatism. Not a blog about penises, vaginas, skid marks in a toilet and putting a big time hate on Jewish people. Where do you fucking clowns come from anyway? Is the water out there in Spencer really that bad? Holy shit balls!

      I’m going to call some close friends of mine at the Pentagon and have Spencer blown up. A couple of drones should do the trick…

      • BobnMic
        September 20, 2016 at 1:48 am

        Addendum – Just kidding about blowing up an entire town! Just realized what kind of world we live in today and those types of jokes may not be perceived as such.

        Bad judgement on my part…

        • BobnMic please go away
          September 20, 2016 at 5:55 am

          Don’t worry, just because you take yourself seriously doesn’t mean everybody else does. No one cares what you say.

      • Wwy
        September 20, 2016 at 5:47 pm

        Little bob feisty ripped you so hard you coming for me now I will drop the xyclon B on you. Good luck. Kraft a cheating kike it’s ok you’ll get over it.

  • Spankster
    September 19, 2016 at 8:54 pm

    I just got the skinny from Bill himself. Next Thursday night Julian Edelman is going to take the opening kick off and return it forty yards. He is then going to get under center and play quarterback for the first series of downs. Can you imagine what that will do to the Oilers and those Hoodell lickspittles at NFL HQ???

    • BobnMic
      September 20, 2016 at 1:02 am

      No THAT would be all kinds of cool…

      Nice reflection TB. Laughed my ass off reading this one.

      • BobnMic please go away
        September 20, 2016 at 5:53 am

        Go AWAY!! Kiss assing won’t work.

  • Eric
    September 19, 2016 at 7:46 pm

    What about when blount hurdled over the defender propelling himself off the helmet. Those are some flubber cleats. #cleatgate

    • Boss Tweed
      September 19, 2016 at 8:21 pm

      Eric, I forgot about that one. LOL Big men can fly.

  • fordsnharleys
    September 19, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    I just thought of another great way to cheat. If the opposing quarterback refuses to stand for the anthem, then play it every time he is in the pocket forcing take a knee.

  • Bulldog
    September 19, 2016 at 5:25 pm

    How about #karmagate. Any team that allows its players to take a knee during the National Anthem deserves to lose. Thats why they lost.

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