Top 10 Ways Wikileaks Revealed The Patriots And Hillary Clinton Cheated To Beat The Bills

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So the Patriots went up to Buffalo for their annual deliverance of anal, and as usual they left that horrible, Godless dump of a city with a huge smile on their face. The Bills won’t be walking for a few days though. There’s simply no way on earth a “rivalry” can be this one-sided. And since everyone knows the Patriots only win because they cheat, we do what we always do after a Pats win – tried to figure out how they cheated this week. But with all the Wikileaks emails being leaked all over the place, we got some added insight. It’s all starting to make sense now. Here’s the top 10 ways the Patriots cheated to beat the Bills, courtesy of Wikileaks.

10. Malcolm Butler makes bodies disappear

Good God. Did you see Robert Woods’ reaction when he caught that ball? He knew exactly what was gonna happen next. It’s like finding out that you know about a secret offshore account that Hillary Clinton has in someone else’s name. Next thing you know – POW – Malcolm Butler decapitates you.




9. Field goal was rigged

There’s no way that ball should’ve gone in. Steven Gostkowski has turned back into a pumpkin. Now all of a sudden he’s hitting 52 yard field goals. But not just regular 52 yard field goals. That ball was moving like Hillary’s poll numbers after she lied about having pneumonia. Then right when it looks like it’s toast – DOINK – the ball magically changes direction, hits the goalpost and slides its way through.




8. Stealing white guys

How come the Patriots are the only team in the NFL that seems to have a never ending supply of white guys who just plain burn their opponents? It’s bad enough that we’ve been graced with Welker, Gronk, Edleman, Woodhead, Amendildo, and now Hogan. And half these guys aren’t even good until they get here. Gee, I wonder why that is? Well according to recently released Wikileaks files every shifty white guy in the NFL has been working for Hillary and Belichick this entire time. They learn all their enemy’s secrets, pretend to suck there, skip town, and then give Belichick everything they learned.




7. Reggie Bush “pass”

Rex Ryan thought he was real slick on that one. “Let’s pitch the ball to Reggie Bush and then have him throw the ball. No one will suspect he’s throwing it because he’s a running back.” Except Donte Hightower clearly knew that play was coming. It was almost as if someone emailed him the play beforehand. Of course those emails have magically disappeared so we’ll never know for sure. But how else could someone outsmart a brilliant mind like Rex Ryan without getting a special email from Huma Abedin?




6. Illegal use of tag team 

So the Patriots were already up two scores AND they got the ball to start the second half. For some reason they insisted on giving Amendildo a chance to run it back and he made them pay, nearly taking it all the way and setting up yet another Patriots touchdown. But if you look at the tape more closely you can see some poor schmuck from the Bills getting double teamed like the latest chick who suddenly remembers she was sexually harassed by Donald Trump. I’ve seen that move before. It’s basically what happened to the Bernie delegates at the DNC. Try to take down the Queen B and you’re gonna get roughed up by some guys in uniform. That’s just the way things work.




5. 69 

Somehow Gronk is already the Patriots all time touchdown reception leader. He’s only 27 years old. It was his 69th touchdown, which was so fitting because Gronk has the sense of humor of a 6th grader who just found out about what a 69 is. But the thing about 69 is, it’s supposed to be reciprocal. Both parties are supposed to get something out of it. This was not a 69 since Gronk was the only one who left satisfied. The Bills will have to satisfy themselves later on. Luckily for them someone threw something on the field that could come in handy for such a situation.




4. Matthew Slater got a phone call from Donna Brazile

So Wikileaks just confirmed that DNC chair Donna Brazile was feeding Hillary Clinton debate questions ahead of time back in March. And based on what we saw from Matthew Slater on this kickoff, Hillary wasn’t the only one being tipped off. The man went completely undetected and crushed Reggie Bush’s soul. Almost as if someone told him ahead of time which direction Bush would be running in.




3. PSI in Brady’s cleats

Now that the league is keeping an eye on the PSI in Brady’s balls, he’s clearly not very good. But a cheater is gonna cheat. It’s just what they do. Well, according to the latest batch of Wikileaks emails Brady is now pumping air pressure into his cleats. Based on this play it’s clear that it’s working. Non-cheating Brady would’ve got taken down five yards short of the first down.




2. Hotgate

“He killed us. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this hot.” That sums it up right there. Rex Ryan is used to being facialized by #12. But not this badly, and not by this old of a man. If you touch TB12 right now you will get a third degree burn. That’s how hot he is. Well, according to Wikileaks Tom Brady recently funneled $20 million through his favorite third world dictator, which went directly to the Clinton Foundation. Now all of a sudden this 39 year old man is as hot as Rex has ever seen him. Gee, wonder how that happened?




1. Hillary threw the dildo

The dildo heard round the world was a magical dildo indeed. Notice that Hogan was going down right when the glorious fucktoy landed on the turf. Not coincidentally two plays later the Patriots found their way into the end zone when they couldn’t on the Hogan play. Clearly this was no ordinary dildo. Only someone whose husband has been nailing other chicks for decades could have a dildo this spectacular. Gee, I wonder who could’ve thrown that thing? Well, according to a recently released image from Wikileaks, we now have our answer:





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6 Comment(s)
  • Paul Larson
    November 2, 2016 at 8:14 am

    I hear on the news that Hillary’s server was hacked ten times in two days. If that is the case, why are the Democrats worried about Russians hacking our national secrets. Hillary really dropped the ball with national security, which shows that she is not qualified to be our commander in chief.
    I’m planning to vote for Trump, and Hillary wants people to plan an “intervention” to dissuade me. I look forward to any Democrat’s “intervention” to dissuade with me. All we have to talk about is the pro-slavery history of the Democrats, and their present fixation on socialism, which turns the people into unfree peasants. How much freedom of choice do you have regarding Social Security, Medicare and Obamacare?

    Paul Larson

  • Paul Larson
    November 1, 2016 at 10:26 pm

    My candidate has always been Dr. Ben Carson. He is super-intelligent. In fact, Dr. Carson sent me a card saying I was number 48 among his supporters. We go way back. However, the Republicans nominated Trump, so I am supporting him now. Kasich is not a real Republican, because he does not accept the will of Republican voters. As far as my security clearance goes, that was from 1967 to 1969. That equipment is really outdated now. However, I don’t reveal any pertinent info, unlike Hillary.
    Hillary said she wasn’t standing by her man. Well, that’s about all she ever did, because she wants access to power. That is all she cares about; she doesn’t care about you or me or anybody but herself.
    The law applies to you and me, but not to Hillary or Bill. I don’t take handouts either, and that’s why I am a Republican.

    I just got this email from Dr. Ben Carson:
    “Paul, thank you for supporting American Legacy Center’s “Fight for the Court” campaign.

    *Please note that this donation will show up as “American Legacy Center” on your credit card statement.

    Our goal is to help ensure that as many of our fellow citizens as possible understand why the future of the Supreme Court matters.

    Your donation will allow us to continue to reach out, to explain, and to motivate.

    We hope we can count on your continued support as we move forward.

    – Ben Carson, and the team at American Legacy Center”
    Paul Larson

  • Paul Larson
    November 1, 2016 at 11:03 am

    When I graduated from Parris Island in 1967, I was sent to C&E Bn in MCRD, San Diego to study electronics, and I graduated as a Crypto Tech, MOS 2847. I was given a Security Clearance, and a card that said I was in the NSA, and we were regularly told that if we revealed any of this secret information, we would spend the rest of our lives in prison. Recently I met another Marine with a Security Clearance who also served in Vietnam, and he related to me that his class was regularly told that if they revealed national secrets, they would face a firing squad. Now Hillary says that the Russians are interfering in our election. I heard recently on the news that some Democrat said that 13 military systems had been hacked by the Russians. Well, if government secured computers can be hacked by the Russians, who thinks that an unsecured system in Hillary’s closet didn’t get hacked?
    Hillary says that Trump is ruining our Democracy. I say that the Democratic Party is totally
    un-Democratic. Democracy depends on at least two opposing views so that the people can make a free choice.
    You have thugs being paid to beat up Republicans who attend Trump rallies, you have Democrats trying to silence Trump, and we had a Republican Party headquarters burned down. How democratic is that kind of behavior.
    Democrats call Republicans xenophobic. But what about the Aztec Indians who attacked Spanish immigrants to the Western Hemisphere. After all, the Aztecs were descended from Asiatic hunter-gatherers who migrated across the Bering Straights land bridge, following migrating game, into the Western Hemisphere about 16,000 years ago. Were the Eskimos who attacked Viking immigrants to Greenland xenophobes? Or how about the Zulu tribes who attacked English and Dutch immigrants to Africa?
    Trump is criticized for saying he would keep our enemies out of this country. Trump was a Democrat for 40 years, and he learned how to handle national enemies from FDR and Harry Truman. FDR put Japanese-American citizens in concentration camps, he kept Germans from immigrating to the U.S., and Truman kept Italians out of the United States until 1948, 3 years after WWII ended.

    By the way, it was Thomas Jefferson, our first Democratic president (otherwise why did Democrats celebrate Jefferson-Jackson Day?), who’s partisans passed the 2nd amendment, in order to keep the slaves down.

    Paul Larson

    • Jack Mehoff
      November 1, 2016 at 6:55 pm

      I regularly work with US Army Military Intelligence, a special group within not spoken much about. I understand the sanctity of a security clearance and if I hold one now or if I have ever held one I would neither admit it nor divulge anything that could be remotely considered classified. The penalties are too severe. Unless you are part of the Political Elite and a Democrat. They still vilify and prosecute Republicans but not their own.

      Be careful publishing your own name. If she wins she certainly will be keeping a list. I ended up on Obama’s list for being too politically active when he was first running. Yes, I can document that, but won’t here. Let’s pray she is self destructing as it appears. Trump wasn’t my first choice but even Kim Jong Un from N Korea would be better than this bitch.

  • Obviousstater
    October 31, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    Clever way to deliver political news that Hillary learned debate questions ahead of time to cheat during the debates

    • Jack Mehoff
      November 1, 2016 at 4:56 am

      The corrupt cackling hag isn’t interested in penises, real or fake.

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