Top 11 Ways The Patriots Cheated To Beat The Giants

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For the Patriots to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl they have to get challenged once in a while. There’s a reason Roger Goodell was at the Giants-Pats game last night. He can’t afford to have the Patriots embarrass him and go undefeated. Why do you think some of the most ridiculous calls in the history of football were made on that field last night? Because Goodell made sure the fix was in from the beginning. Unfortunately for the Giants it didn’t matter. The Patriots are just that much better than everyone else. Even at our worst, on the road, without Edelman and Lewis, and with the refs making it literally impossible to play any sort of defense, the Patriots still won. Because we are God’s chosen people and we will not be defeated by the forces of evil.

Nevertheless, it’s the Patriots. So they had to have cheated to win this game. Here’s the Top 11 ways they cheated on Sunday to beat the Giants……

11. These girls using witch craft. 

They might seem adorable and cute to you, but these are typical Patriots fans from Worcester. Clearly these two were using witchcraft to make sure Brady’s game winning drive was successful as they illustrate to you how the Patriots threw it four times, catched it, and kicked it to win the game. #WitchcraftGate


10. Gronk is a tranformer. 


when you’re 6’7″ and 260 pounds you’re not supposed to be able to bend over in stride, grab a ball with your fingertips, and then continue to run without breaking stride. Clearly Gronk is not a human being. He is some sort of transformer that Belichick built in his garage. #TransformerGate


9. Patriots made the ground too hard. 

This should’ve been an interception that would’ve ended the game. But instead the ball came out as soon as he hit the ground. Don’t you think that’s a little suspicious? Well, we have heard from trusted sources that have lost to the Patriots by 40 points every time they play them, that the Patriots grounds crew broke into the stadium last night and added elements to the turf that hardened it as the game went along. There’s no other way to explain why he didn’t hold onto that ball. #GroundGate


8. Gronk illegally tossing people out the club. 

Luckily the refs saw this and called back the Legarette Blount touchdown. What Gronk does out there to these poor grown men isn’t just ungentlemanly, it’s illegal. #OutTheClubGate


7. Illegal facializing on Amendola punt return. 

Blocking is OK. Facializing hurts people’e feelings, and therefore it’s illegal. If you don’t agree then we’re gonna go on a hunger strike until you lose your job. Why do you think Harmon tackled Amendola at the end of this? He didn’t want to be it so obvious. #FacializeGate


6. Patriots using illegal equipment vs. Jason Pierre-Paul.

Jason Pierre Paul only has like, 7 or 8 fingers because he decided to blow them off this summer. If all things were equal the Patriots should’ve played with the same amount of fingers. But instead they played with 10 fingers EACH. That’s an illegal equipment violation which created an unfair playing advantage. #FingerGate


5. Big Bang clock still being paid by Kraft. 


The Big Bank Clock wasn’t just bad on the Patriots, he was one of the worst players to ever play the game. There’s just no way to explain why he’s still in the NFL. Which obviously means that Bob Kraft is still paying this idiot to leave Gronk wide open and then crash into his own teammate as Gronk cruises in for the go ahead touchdown. #BigBangClockGate


4. Chandler Jones illegal use of dominos. 

Chandler Jones isn’t even fair this year. Unfortunately he’s playing so well that he’s gonna get paid a lot of money this offseason….by another team. But that could blow up in his new team’s face, since the only reason he’s eating everyone’s babies this year is because he’s using illegal maneuvers like playing dominos with offensive linemen to sack the quarterback. #DominoGate



3. Belichick moved the goal posts. 

Gostkowski has been perfect this year. A little TOO perfect if you ask me. Watch his game winning kick again. Notice in the top right part of the goal post there is a flag which indicates the direction of the wind. Gostkowski’s kick was going to miss, but at the last minute the flag moves towards the right, taking the goal post with it, and allowing the ball to sneak through. Clearly Belichick was on the sidelines playing with his weather machine and created just enough wind for that ball to get through. #WindGate


2. Malcolm Butler did not respect Odell Beckham’s safe space. 

Yesterday was Malcolm Butler’s most dominant performance of the year, and it happened against the guy who is arguably the best receiver in the NFL – Odell Beckham Jr. Aside from that one play where McCourty tackled his ass and let ODBJ score a touchdown, he completely shut down the Giants star receiver. Time and time again he denied the ball, swatted it out of his hands and stuck to him like glue. BUT in doing so he violated a sacred rule we found out about this week at Missouri, Yale, and other college campuses – he wasn’t respecting Beckham’s safe space. #SafeSpaceGate


1. Starbucks is paying off the other teams to lose to us.


Turtleboy was gonna go buy a coffee today, but then he realized he is a Patriots fan. Patriots fans don’t pay for coffee on Mondays. Don’t you think it’s odd that THIS year they decided to give away free coffee at Dunkin’s on the day after the Patriots win? A year in which they are clearly never going to lose barring some sort of act of God. Don’t you see what’s happening here? Starbucks is behind the whole thing. They’re obviously paying off everyone to make sure the Patriots win so that Dunkin’s goes out of business. Oh yea, they’re also based out of Seattle, which is probably why they paid off Pete Carroll not to give the ball to Marshawn Lynch in the Super Bowl. #StarbucksGate


Seriously though, what a win. We can’t just be murdering and raping everyone this year. Eventually we have to practice how to win a close game. And this was a great practice in case we’re ever in a close game in the Super Bowl. Every week it becomes more apparent that we are blessed by God. We knew going into that kick last night that it was gonna go in. Because we are Patriots fans and God loves us more. Never, ever forget that.


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13 Comment(s)
  • brian
    November 27, 2015 at 11:43 am

    The patriots lost the game and played just fine. Give the Giants credit u pack of pathetic fucks from New England. Its no shock everyone hates u as sports fans because your obnoxious attitudes are just simply that of a bunch of morons. Your team cheats,fact. They’ve been caught numerous times but yet the only people who don’t see that is u fags. Cant wait til Brady stops crying to the refs because people are hitting and tackling him. Oops my bad because that big cheating fucking pussy never will. Him and Sydney Crosby should have a kid and have to listen to it cry 24-7-365 because it would. To all pats fans, go fuck yourselves and enjoy losing to Denver this week.

  • Woo Crew
    November 18, 2015 at 6:34 am

    The Dunkin’ free coffee after Patriots wins is awesome. I signed up for their loyalty program to get it and thank you, Brady, Belichik and crew for all of my free coffees this year.

    • Finnish Goalie
      November 18, 2015 at 11:17 am

      Free larged iced is always welcome.

  • Matt
    November 18, 2015 at 12:38 am

    Actually if I was a NE fan I would be pretty embarrassed that the Patriots almost lost to the Giants, LMFAO. If it wasn’t for the player hitting the ground hard and that causing the ball to come out, he comes down with that catch and guess what. Giants run the clock out and beat your shitty ass team again. Not sure what team and fans are the worst. Dallas Cowboy or Patriot fans. Oh well they are both a bunch of faggots. I can’t wait until my team destroys the fucking Fagriots

    • eatonwsf
      November 19, 2015 at 9:57 am

      Are you too embarrassed to say who YOUR team is?
      Blah ha ha haaaa.

    • Jp
      November 19, 2015 at 6:57 pm

      no problem talking trash but wont say who his team is must be another keyboard warrior

    • dan
      November 20, 2015 at 7:28 pm

      “If” isnt a did. “If” the giants didnt allow their own hard field to cause ths incomplete is like saying “if” the seahawks handed the ball to lynch the hawks would have won. Get off the “if” and celebrate the did

  • juror seven
    November 16, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    # 9 could have happened because THERE WAS TOO MUCH AIR in the football. That football moved like it was a Mexican Jumping Bean.

  • hetero white male
    November 16, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    Love the delicious tears of Giant’s fans trying to say Odell Beckham Jr. “caught” the touchdown and that the “has to become a runner” rule is a stupid semantic. LAMO, what a joke. Look, the NFL can word that shit anyway it doesn’t matter. Last time I checked if you want to “catch” the football you need to get two feet down AND maintain control of the ball. I mean that is just common sense. Watch the catch, 100 times if you want I dont care. When he goes to get the second foot down Butler makes a play for the ball, and this so-called “greatest WR in the league” couldn’t even hold onto it. What a joke. Guess he thought he didn’t have to HOLD ONTO THE BALL in order for the TD to count. That’s called… uhmm… STUPIDITY

    • Wabbitt
      November 17, 2015 at 3:06 am

      Just as was said on NFL Network earlier tonight – when OBJ caught it, he stuck his hands out with the ball instead of tucking it in under his elbow and armpit (the way it’s drilled into receivers from day one). So the only reason Butler was able to make that great play was because Beckham was showboating.

      Dude’s a great receiver, but he’s caught up in his own hype.

    • Rob V
      November 17, 2015 at 9:58 am

      Exactly what I’ve been saying. If that happened in the middle of the field or the end zone, it doesn’t matter, it’s not a catch! Just because your hands hold the ball for a split second in the end zone, doesn’t mean it’s a catch. There has to be a definition of a “catch” and the NFL has defined that, so every team has to live with that rule. I’m sure if it was the other way around, the Giants fans would be happy

  • Phil
    November 16, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    After our trip to NE last fall (from Old England) I cannot agree with the final one.

    Never mind free, you would have to pay me to get coffee from DD. It was that bad! Unless, having heard our accent, see the Michigan plates on the hire car she decided to give me the water used to wash the dishes

  • SUL
    November 16, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    Merriweather made the pro bowl when he was on the Patriots

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