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Deflategate is the story that just won’t die and I absolutely love it. Do you understand what the New England Patriots are like with a chip on their shoulder? Ask Andy Dalton how that works out. I genuinely am starting to feel bad for the Seahawks. These two weeks were supposed to be all about them. They’re the team that can’t shut the fuck up. They love the cameras. The Patriots are the exact opposite, and yet they’re getting all the attention. This couldn’t have worked out any better.
I’ve heard a lot of Patriots fans today whining about how much this sucks. “Jets fans and Bills fans are gonna say shit to us.” Guess what? They were gonna do that any way. My question is, what the hell do you care? Put it this way – would you trade places with them right now? Would you trade watching your team go to the Super Bowl for the 6th time in 15 years in exchange for being a miserable asshole who has to watch the team you hate win every single year?
Nope. So who gives a shit? They’re miserable. They never make the Super Bowl. We pretty much are in the Super Bowl every year. Do you understand how much better our quality of life is? So who gives a shit if morons say dumb shit? Next time someone does that just laugh at them and say you have to get mentally prepared for the Super Bowl. Because at the end of the day, we’re gonna be in the Super Bowl this year, next year, and the year after that. And their loser teams will be watching from home as usual.
So on that note let’s look at the 8 dumbest things people have said about Deflate-gate….
8. Bills Mafia
Wanna know what team would never deflate footballs to win?? @buffalobills #BillsMafia
— Dan. (@BigDannyDan) January 21, 2015
That might be true, but we all know the Bills would never do ANYTHING to win. That doesn’t prove anything. The butthurt is strong in these people.
7. Sarah Brown Sluss
I found this genius on The Today Show’s Facebook page. Their solution was so soccer mom it hurts:
Yea, let’s push the Super Bowl back a week. That’s what we’ll do. Because I’m sure the outcome would be WAYYY different this time around. If you blindfolded the Patriots, spun them around 20 times, and force fed them LSD, they would still beat the Colts by multiple touchdowns. But by all means, let’s postpone the Super Bowl a week so we can do it all again!!
6. Pat McAfee
McAfee is the Colts punter. For some reason he is speaking:
If New England was to be DQ'd.. We'd be their replacements right??… I should probably lay off these strawberry margs
— Pat McAfee (@PatMcAfeeShow) January 21, 2015
Don’t know what the most emasculating part of this Tweet is – the fact that he’s drinking strawberry margaritas, the fact that he’s not embarrassed to take a sympathy bid in the Super Bowl, or the fact that he’s a punter and he’s talking about football.
5. Gloria Greathouse
I found this genius on The View’s Facebook page. Yup, you heard right – they were talking about DeflateGate on The View. That’s what this has come to. Rosie O’Donnell and the other hens are clucking about this now. That’s basically all you need to know about how fucking stupid all of this is. As you know Rosie O’Donnell is the antichrist, so of course she thought the Patriots shouldn’t be allowed to play in the Super Bowl. So the next time you hear someone say the Patriots cheated, just remind them that they like Rosie O’Donnell. You win.
4. Darius Butler
Remember this chump? The Patriots drafted him in the second round a few years back. He used to play on those teams we had that used to go 10-6 because we couldn’t stop ANYONE from throwing on us. Sergio Brown was another one of those. Apparently the destination for rejects like this is Indy. Here’s what he had to say:
https://twitter.com/DariusJButler/status/557765584856047616
LOL. Butler was covering Julian Edelman a lot of the game – a white boy who had a billion catches. If I was him I’d hide in a cave and never come out. But apparently he wants a re-do, because he DEFINITELY would’ve stopped Tom Brady if those balls had a little more air in them. Definitely.
3. Kelley Coakley Ligozio
Here’s another genius I found from The View‘s Facebook page:
Think about the children!! The CHILDREN!!! Newsflash lady – if you really loved your kid you would live in New England. Raising your kids in an atmosphere where they have to root for anyone but the Patriots is basically child abuse.
2. Anthony Dixon
This guy is a Bills running back that never plays. That’s like having a son who chooses to do ballet, and then never gets to dance in a recital. Here’s what he had to say:
Since the patriots cheating lol how bout we play the whole playoffs over and let the second place Bills in and problem solved #BillsMafia
— Anthony Dixon (@Boobie24Dixon) January 21, 2015
LOL. Now I’ve seen it all. The Bills are trying to collect NFL welfare. They can’t win on their own and now they want the league to redistribute the wealth so they can get in. So Buffalo it hurts.
1. Bob Kravitz
This is the a-hole who broke the story. The Indiana reporter is enjoying his 15 minutes of fame. His Tweets have been ON FIRE lately:
If bob kraft is a true man of integrity he will take it out of the leagues hands and fire belichick. Not holding my breath
— Bob Kravitz (@bkravitz) January 21, 2015
HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I bet you’d like that wouldn’t you Bobby? Basically he’s admitting that Belichick is a Golden God and as long as he dons the hood on the Patriots sideline there is a ZERO percent chance the Colts can win the Super Bowl.
Pats fans: give up the fantasy. Your brilliant head coach is also a cheat. 11 of 12 balls deflated. Must be the ball boys fault right?
— Bob Kravitz (@bkravitz) January 21, 2015
Yea, Belichick’s a cheat. That explains why we scored five billion points in the second half – after the balls were switched. That explains why the refs, who touch the ball on EVERY SINGLE PLAY didn’t notice a Goddamn thing about the balls. Hilarious.
If morts report is on target, and I'm sure it is, belichick should be suspended from the Super Bowl. My opinion.
— Bob Kravitz (@bkravitz) January 21, 2015
YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA!!!
Keep em coming!! In two weeks after we watch the Patriots hoist the Lombardi Trophy none of this will matter. Sure idiots will still bring it up. But what does it matter? I’m gonna have a Patriots pants tent for WEEKS. The pure feeling of ecstasy I will feel from the moment of kickoff will make it seem like none of this ever happened. We’re on to Seattle.
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6 Comment(s)
Everyone is so quick to judge when all the facts aren’t in yet I stand behind my Pat’s and coach 100% we love our Pat’s in Boston!
Just a word of advice, your whole something is “so ______ it hurts” joke is played. It was never that creative to begin with and you use it in like every post. Stop. It’s stupid and annoying.
Your post is so anti-patriot it hurts. Does that work? Hmm. I think I made your point for you.
This is the first day in over a year that i wished my facebook account was still active so i could post how ridiculous Rosie sounded and looked today talking about “deflate gate.” Reading this article was refreshing after seeing all the bs my brain could possibly suffer from this mornings media. Thank you!
Well, if the “they hate their coach,” comment drove them to win SuperBowl XXXVIII, then this is the same goods.
Maybe if the Bills deflated a few balls they wouldn’t have lost to the Raiders.