Nudniks

Totally Sane Wizards Accuse Rhode Island PD of Sex Trafficking Special Needs Kids, Are Begging To Be Infected With Zika, And Will Cure Your Hep C If You Donate To Their GoFundMes

Totally Sane Wizards Accuse Rhode Island PD of Sex Trafficking Special Needs Kids, Are Begging To Be Infected With Zika, And Will Cure Your Hep C If You Donate To Their GoFundMes

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So I was doing some Facebook trolling and came across this post. It’s borderline paranoia, so I checked out the FB page of this Alan Gordon character and struck gold. It’s so bizarre and seems like nothing more than a huge scam for Alan and his weed-deaconess Anne Armstrong to get the public to pay for them to grow their own ganja and act like absolute asshats in the meantime.

The first comment on the post is Alan’s. You know you can’t trust a person when the first comment on their post is their own comment. Strike one, Alan.

Anyways, this lunatic post about Brad Inman covering up RI police trafficking rings of special needs children sounds like a load of BS, plain and simple. There is no evidence to support it. I imagine Inman blew off Alan McCrazySauce because he’s the nutbag “clergyman” of a cannabis church looking for attention and donations to scammy GoFundMe pages.

The last line really gets me- “or if he’s not, why he doesn’t just say so.” Because he has no time for your batshit crazy antics and has a job to do. A J-O-B. Sound it out, Alan, because you obviously know nothing about one of those. I have nothing against weed, but when you use GoFundMe and a scam “church” cover to get others to pay for your habit, that’s when the shame train pulls into your station.

Here’s a preview of what’s to come. I watched this video at least half a dozen times. I wasn’t even high and it was magical.

Alan Gordon and Anne Armstrong are the founders of The Healing Church of Rhode Island. I’m not sure what goes on between those two, but I’m thinking friend zone because I’m not sold that Alan can still get it up seeing as all that weed has clearly fried those precious brain cells to mush.

I don’t think a corpse could look deader behind the eyes than this hippysaurus.

And it looks like he’s always been a dooshmcnugget.

But, alas, it seems Alan is simply a small piece in the bigger picture. It’s hard to believe that dead-eyed fish isn’t the brains behind the operation, but I guess he’s just the eye-candy. The intellect of this operation comes from Alan’s main side girl, Anne Armstrong, formerly known as Anna Vrankar, formerly known as Anna Doyle. I don’t know where the Armstrong name comes from, but I’m assuming it’s something asinine we shouldn’t give a shit about, so on we go.

Anne is a CHARACTER so buckle up because this ride is about to get looney tunes.

Give yourself a good Karma Wash and let’s jump in!

It seems like Anne used to be some semblance of normal, then she started using cannabis in 2011 and somehow this led her to some religious awakening. Then in 2014 she met Alan Gordon and the crazy train was full steam ahead. Anne was already an ordained Doctor of Divinity. Impressive, right? You can be one too, for just $185!

Anyways, Anna-banana says she has witnessed many healings from the use of marijuana.

She even thinks cannabis can cure the Zika virus. She should’ve said so sooner, we could’ve saved boatloads of money on legitimate scientists!

The logic is there people, see for yourselves, because if you make it into a meme it must be true.

They are so convinced it can cure Zika they are willing to be infected with the virus and use weed to cure it.

It will also make you taller!

Sign me up!

It will also help you give up opioids, because trading one addiction for another is a stellar solution. I told you, Anne IS the brains!

Somebody get the President on the line, Anne has SOLVED the healthcare problem!

AND she helps the veterans?! Anne, my girl, what’s next? Are you gonna cure world hunger?! Nope, just cancer!

But alas, there are limits to Anne’s amazing powers of do-gooding. She just needs your money, to continue her ministry of healing, of course.

And out comes the inner GoFundMe trap queen hiding beneath that wrinkly ole hippy skin. She just wants to give free weed to cancer “patients.” Harmless, right? I found no evidence of any cancer patients that Anne has helped with this Mary Jane ministry. But I’m sure her ongoing legal battles are paid for in full, because when you grow 60 marijuana plants in a dog pen in your backyard you tend to violate the indoor spaces only growing rule in the state of Rhode Island.

For real? My generosity will be gratefully acknowledged with premiums and thanks?! She isn’t kidding, you can get some sweet prizes for forking over some cash. They come in tiers depending on how generous you choose to be. Ganja Jesus needs yo cash, so pony up.

You could get a “healing weekend” at The Healing Center, which is Anne’s residence. It’s literally a house. You get to spend the weekend at the hippy motel in West Greenwich, Rhode Island. What are these healing services you speak of? Is that code for baptism in bong water, hash oil massage, and a dirty hippy orgy? Asking for a friend.

Dinner for two at the healing center?! Cancel those reservations for the steakhouse, we’re going to dine on roadkill and dandelions at the weed church instead.

$250 will get you an hour long law lecture or legal research from Alan Gordon himself. OR you could go to a lawyer with actual brain functionality for an hour.

A Gratitude Note? What the heck is that? That sounds fascinating and totally something I would want in my possession! Understandable, but it’s literally just a piece of paper.

But it’s such a nice piece of paper, like the kind you’d want to print out and hang above your desk… at your job… where you make money… while shart monkeys like these two are begging for offerings on GoFundMe.

But wait! There’s more! Sweet hippy t-shirts coming your way. Handmade and tie-dyed in that sweet swampy Rhode Island water.

Now if you’re thinking, “Wow that GoFundMe page looks really professional”, you are right. But don’t give Anne too much credit, because this isn’t her first foray into GoFundMe scammin’.

Anne spent all of her allowance on pot plants and needed some cash to get to the Portland Clinical Conference. She’s going to heal the world’s cancer, Alzheimer’s, Hep C, and more!

 

Luckily, the good people came to her rescue and she raised enough to go. Hallelujah marijuana Jesus!

Now, aside from all this fundraising, Anne is also a wannabe politician. Man, is this lady busy or what? She must have so much saved for retirement with all this work she’s doing!

Anne ran for Governor of Rhode Island in 2014, as a candidate of the Compassionate Party. I shit you not, that is an actual political party. Anne raised a grand total of $940 for her campaign, which is about $939.99 more than I was expecting.

Anne may have lost the election in 2014, but she is still active in the political discussions and as expected, absolutely no one takes her seriously.

There is so much nonsense in this post I first thought it was one of Alan’s nonsensical ramblings. Deloitte, DCYF, the portal… Anna’s gone bananas.

Rut-roh, Anne’s on a warpath so watch out all you persecuting bigots, she’s coming for you.

She also thinks she’s Trump’s homegirl and somehow manages to segue Syria into pedos into weed healing abuse victims. This sounds like the madness of Alan. Did Al crack your FB password, Annie? Weed4Lyfe is too easy even for that chudster.

#MAGA #FreeMyPotPlants

Although she clearly has a full plate of normal activities, Anne still finds the time to play dress up with stolen priest garb and vintage elk horns to wander the streets of Pittsburg with the walking piece of toast that is Alan.

Cheech and Chongette are still tokin it up in West Greenwich, Rhode Island between battles with the popo, begging for handouts, and writing irrational letters to the government about Syria, no wait pedophiles, I mean sex trafficking rings, no healthcare.

 

 

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19 Comment(s)
  • Big Raymond
    June 3, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    For the undiagnosed, untreated mentally ill, self medication can bring enormous relief from symptoms like anxiety, fear, unpleasant thoughts, compulsions.

    So it’s no surprise that so many people are passionate about marijuana, it brings them some relief, makes them feel ok. No surprise this couple thinks cannabis cures everything, if it gets rid of the dragons and voices in their heads, it must be good.

  • Fact Checker
    June 3, 2017 at 12:46 pm

    That hilarious moment when you realize that “The Healing Center” is abbreviated as THC…

  • Jose
    June 2, 2017 at 4:20 pm

    As usual the bottom line is money. Trying to receive the famous tax-exempt status and other perks.

    • ElJefe72
      ElJefe72
      June 2, 2017 at 4:37 pm

      Jerry Falwell would be proud of her.

  • KimberlyS
    KJDS
    June 2, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    Love it – so many layers here 🙂

    Although, I think it is Anne who is actually singing in the video. (Had to watch – LMAO)

    Who is Michael Goldman, the ‘Gratitude Ecologist’? Does he thank the plants? If so, HOW????

    And that T-shirt that says ‘Sex Week’ – that’s a whole other thing.

  • JoeMomma
    June 2, 2017 at 11:52 am

    I never knew it was possible to smoke yourself stupid. Now I do.

  • Me_over_here
    June 2, 2017 at 8:39 am

    This is EXACTLY why I smoke weed. It’s so I never get like that.

  • whatevuh
    WHATEVUH
    June 2, 2017 at 6:41 am

    A mind is a terrible thing to waste . . .

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    June 2, 2017 at 2:38 am

    Sounds like a pothead that read WAY too much about pizzagate and decided that it must have happened in RI, AND just so happens that it’s all the people in the government that she ran against and has an axe to grind… coincidence? I think not

  • June 2, 2017 at 1:08 am

    my edited comment:
    Interesting article. I must say however, even though humor, sarcasm or otherwise can bring light to a serious subject, there are many items you seem dead set on mocking and for one, there is much evidence to show cannabis is much more important to society and it’s important for our well being.
    I’m just saying,,, Anne and Alan are good targets of humorous fodder but I feel there was a line crossed, it pains me to see character assassination of those who truly believe in their hearts they are helping mankind in anyway shape or form…
    They are no threat to anyone else’s sanity or status so I find it difficult to read such a misguided attempt at journalism. I know both Anne and Alan and must say,,,, this is an intriguing article and although accurate in content & context there is a huge bias against the true nature of the moment of cannabis legalization.

    • JohnnyG
      June 2, 2017 at 2:08 am

      Sheesh, lighten up Herb… I mean light up.

    • Goose
      June 2, 2017 at 12:42 pm

      “…although accurate in content & context …”

      But I don’t like how you wrote it, so you’re actually wrong.

      Is that how things work, Herb?

      Jesus, dude. You couldn’t even hack it in the RI NG, and we’re supposed to take you seriously?

      • June 2, 2017 at 10:57 pm

        If you know me well enough to know I joined the RI NG to avoid going to fight a war I didn’t believe in (enlisted – I didn’t hide in Canada) then you also must know they nearly killed me when I refused their offer to go Regular Army to participate in a program ,,,, TELL ME,, How is it that the bleeding ulcers they gave me so they could unsuspectingly get me into the MK Ultra program mean I couldn’t HACK IT? They are the ones who made me the offer of HONORABLE discharge… has not a damn thing to do with “not hacking” it.
        THE HELL I WAS PUT THROUGH FOR DECADES AFTER THAT WAS EQUAL TO COMBAT
        …………………………….I’d like to add, “I hate being judged by some anonymous jerk who won’t use his/her real name when making public posts.. (something to hide?)”

  • June 2, 2017 at 12:59 am

    Interesting article. I must say however, even though humor, sarcasm or otherwise can bring light to a serious subject. There are many items you seem dead set on mocking but there is much evidence to show cannabis is much more important to society and it’s well being.
    I’m just saying,,, Anne and Alan are good targets of humorous fodder but there is a limit I feel was crossed when it comes to character assassination of those who truly believe in their hearts they are helping mankind in ant way shape or form…
    They are no threat to anyone else’s sanity or status so I find it difficult to read such a misguided attempt at journalism. I know both Anne and Alan and must say,,,, this is an intriguing article and although accurate in content & context there is a huge bias against the true nature of the moment of cannabis legalization.

    • North Country Turtle Rider
      June 2, 2017 at 1:23 am

      Dude, you’re fucking killing me here.

      See… here’s the thing. If you would read my above comment, you will see that I am no stranger to the devil’s lettuce. Anne also is a big Trump fan. You’d think her and I would be the best of fucking friends, wouldn’t you? Maybe we would, but I doubt it. And I’m sure Alan and Anne are perfectly nice, harmless people as you say they are. That all being said, there is absolutely nothing not funny or worth having a little fun with about them. You see I pay for my own shit and don’t start gofuckmes. A pot church? Give me a fucking break. So in addition to taking people’s money they are also a tax exempt organization? Sounds pretty fucking legit to me.

      Anywho, take your serious subject/cannabis moment bullshit and shove it up your ass. I’m going burn one.

      • KimberlyS
        KJDS
        June 2, 2017 at 4:09 pm

        I think that Herb is a Church Member.

      • June 2, 2017 at 11:06 pm

        if you were sitting your ass in jail for cannabis you would see the seriousness of it.
        that’s all I am saying…. THE LAWS HAVE DESTROYED MILLIONS OF LIVES since prohibition and there is nothing funny about that aspect. YES HUMOR IS AN AWESOME WAY TO MAKE A POINT… so maybe we should all just light up and smoke for peace AND LAUGH OUR B’S OFF

    • June 2, 2017 at 11:37 pm

      They are doing nothing to harm people? Making accusations about the police and the government abusing children? Come on.. How much did you smoke before writing that? Turtleboy contains more facts per sentence than most “media” outlets out there today!
      Seriously, all these muffin heads are doing is spreading the word that addicting substances are good for you.. And we all clearly know, it is not. They are hippy freaks who just refuse to grow up and recognize it is what it is. NOT a religion, it’s a drug. I like a good drink, but I’m not going to drink in excess and claim I’m a reverend of the beverage..

  • North Country Turtle Rider
    June 1, 2017 at 10:35 pm

    I’m going to level with you guys… I smoke a ton of dope. I will also share with you that I have never had cancer or Zika virus.

    #Facks

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