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Turkey Chub Slamwich Arrested For Robbing Mom’s House During Mom’s Funeral Gets Out Of Jail And Unleashes On Turtleboy’s Facebook Page, Claims Mom Wasn’t At Funeral Either

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Who remembers these two winners?

The Southbridge crime duo known as Scrawny and Wide became Turtleboy famous in January after they robbed her deceased mother’s home…….DURING THE FUNERAL!! Which of course she skipped. Because…..disease.

This was the same mother she was gushing about on Facebook like they were BFFL’s.

She also stole from her dead father too.

Police said they were familiar with Ms. Davenport, who is also a suspect in the theft of life insurance checks paid to her brother after their father’s death.

“Alyce also has a history of larceny, identity theft and forgery,” the police report states.

Well, it looks like this turkey chub slamwich is out of jail, and the first thing she did was go right to the Turtleboy Sports Returns Facebook page to drop this update on us:

Well, that clears things up. She robbed her dead mother during her funeral to protect her. We must’ve missed that part during the FACKS checking portion of the blog. Thank you for clarifying. Now our media will be updated with her truths. Whatever that means.

She’s also upset that we’re upset that she is able to “live and eat well” as her mother raised her. And as Bret Killoran pointed out, she is eating quite well.

Give her a break though – she’s going to Planet Fitness……….for the tanning.

Turns out she had a perfectly good excuse for stealing her mother’s safe with $90,000 worth of stuff in it – she was hiding it from her mom’s “pretend boyfriend.” Out of love and loyalty.

The best part of that rant was the end:

“FYI and fan facts; my beloved mother wasn’t at her own funeral so why would I go? I paid my respects to her on an everyday basis not just her announced death day.”

Mom skipped Mom’s funeral. Turns out the casket was just a decoy. Plus, she paid her respects to Mom every day of her life by stealing her prescription pills, so why should she have to inconvenience herself by showing up for the formality of her burial?

She was just getting warmed up though, as she defended her honor in the comments.

So Mom’s spirit was with her while she was robbing her house for crack money. Thank God she got of jail so she could share her truths with us.

She made tons of sense:

OK then.

Then she just started posting pictures of herself with her deceased mother, whose home she robbed while everyone else was at Mom’s funeral.  

At this point it’s really only a matter of time until she reappears on Turtleboy again.

11 Comment(s)
  • Whitey Bulger
    November 6, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    Wow! This sounds just like my own family. My mother is from Mass originally and was from a family of three sisters. The eldest was a thief and she stole money from everyone. She was married to a guy who could earn a decent income but was an alcoholic and screwed up almost everything he did. So she winds up as the family embezzler and both my mother and her younger sister will keep in touch with this old hag. The thing is that both of them knew about her criminal activities and did nothing to stop her! Is there something in the water that makes people like this? Somebody explain to me why this is the way it is.

  • Tubbytwat
    November 6, 2018 at 7:01 am

    Just spit coffee out! Thanks.
    Which Tubbytwat was she? Purple?

    • The Situation
      November 6, 2018 at 10:15 am

      Muff Cabbage Grenade Tubbytwat. No fawkin’ doubt.

  • Art R.
    November 5, 2018 at 11:47 pm

    I love sticking my fatty in a fatty!!!

  • Rockets Redglare
    November 5, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    They pull this same shit on the Cape all the time.

  • Y
    November 5, 2018 at 7:43 pm

    Shut your buffetbasher!!
    Best comment I’ve read in a while!

  • ElJefe72
    November 5, 2018 at 7:13 pm

     Does what anyone else notice in those pictures of mom that she has that look of quiet desperation and a “help me “look? 

    • CrispyC
      November 5, 2018 at 7:40 pm

      Lol good point. She kinda looks like the “meestah meestah” lady in Happy Gilmore! “Get me outta he-ah”

      • Y
        November 5, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    • TortugaNiño
      November 5, 2018 at 8:14 pm

      Beat me to it. Every. Single. One. I was gonna say she has the same posturing as celebrities when taking a photo with a fan. Kinda like, “ok, thats close enough thank you. Im only taking this pic because society dictates i oblige your request or be demonized.”

  • Donny Ozzmand
    November 5, 2018 at 7:13 pm

    Thank God for Black guys. Keeping this cum dumpster away from us is a blessing. Imagine stealing from your dead mother? What a piece of shit

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