Hoodrat Heroes

Turns Out Mike Bergin, The Masshole From Viral Sea Monstah Video Is A Woman And Children Beating Dooshnozzle

Remember the Masshole who freaked out on a viral Facebook video because he thought he found a baby whale? It turns out he’s really just a gigantic scumbag. 

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Remember that video from last week of the Masshole form Malden on a boat who lost their minds when they saw a sunfish?

Well it turns out he’s kind of an asshole. I guess he’s been to jail a couple times and he’s had over 20 court appearances as a defendant. A couple people messaged us about Michael Bergin, the guy who sounds like Peter Griffin, and told us to look into his criminal past. So we tried and couldn’t find much. But the Boston Herald seemingly got to the bottom of it:

Both men said they used to be addicted to opiates. Foster, 40, said he’s been clean for two years, Bergin for four.

“I’m just that kid that’s lived a rough life who’s made significant changes in it,” said Bergin.“I’ve paid dearly for my mistakes. The only person I’m guilty of hurting is myself.”

Not exactly.

A Malden District Court judge granted two lifetime restraining orders against Bergin in March 2012, barring him from going within 100 yards of his former girlfriend, Melanie Philbrook, 42, and her mother, Donna Philbrook, 63.

The Malden cops were called to Philbrook’s apartment in September 2010 because Bergin was “going crazy,” according to court documents. Melanie Philbrook told police Bergin wasn’t taking his medications, and was “flipping out” and “foaming” at the mouth, court records show.

A shaken Donna Philbrook said she went downstairs when she heard her daughter and Bergin arguing. That’s when Bergin grabbed the mother’s hair and threw her on the ground, court records said.

Bergin was arrested but the next day, he kicked in Philbrook’s apartment door while trying to get his belongings, court records show. And just three months after the permanent restraining orders were granted, Bergin and a friend threatened the mother and daughter in a phone call, yelling, “We’re gonna get Melanie and Donna.”

Bergin pleaded guilty to two counts of assault and battery in July 2012 and was given a six-month sentence.

“My mother and I are quite disgusted that Mr. Bergin is getting all types of air time and financial endorsements and that there was no research done on his background prior to them airing and glorifying his verbiage — which was disgusting,” Melanie Philbrook told me.

“It’s all over the Internet and he’s been on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live,’ ” she said, “while me and my mother are afraid for our lives and have been for years.”

Philbrook said her disabled mother is an “avid” Kimmel fan but was crying hysterically when Bergin appeared on the show.

In 2004, Bergin got an 18-month sentence for throwing a phone at Philbrook’s 7-year-old niece, Mackenzie Murtagh, now 19, who was watching him on Kimmel made her want to “throw up.”

“It makes me sick,” she said.

During the 2004 incident, a frightened Murtagh said she told Bergin she was going to call the police if he continued to “put his hands on my aunt and yell at her.” Bergin then ripped the phone out of the wall and threw it at her, she said.

“I was so scared,” said Murtagh, who was able to call the cops on her cell.

Bergin has capitalized on his opportunity, the Boston Globe reported, by printing some of his memorable sayings on T-shirts and licensing the rights to the video on YouTube. His sister-turned-manager told the newspaper that producers are calling about a possible reality show. 

Her brother didn’t ask for any of this fame, Leanne Bergin said. 

“All my brother did was go fishing with his buddy and upload a video to Facebook,” she said. “To no fault of his own did he become famous overnight … Everyone deserves a second chance at life.”

“People have heard my mouth,” Michael Bergin said. “My mouth has gotten me in trouble my whole life. If you add that mouth with the drug problem, you start scaring people.”

12038273_10200988248465851_6135523840156912927_n Screen Shot 2015-10-02 at 1.43.22 PM Screen Shot 2015-10-02 at 1.24.29 PM

So wait a minute, let me get this straight. The guy who became internet famous for swearing his face off and freaking out about a sunfish in the most Masshole way possible, has a checkered past? Never saw that one coming!! These guys look like extras from The Town, or The Fighter, or The Departed, or any other movie where people form the outskirts of Boston are stereotyped as degenerate white dooshnozzles.

My first take on this is that the man has a right to move on with his life. What he did was despicable, but the whole purpose of going to jail is to repay your debt to society. Once you’ve done that you’ve squared up in the eyes of the law.

Secondly, he didn’t ask to become internet famous. He put a video on Youtube like a million other people do every day. His just so happened to be hilarious because everyone loves to laugh at a good Boston accent. He kind of has a point here:

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First of all, this guy deserves to covered in Double Dare slime just for saying “Bye Felicia.” I hate how that’s a thing now. What was cool about the video was that he was being authentic. Just your every day vulgar Masshole from Malden swearing his face off on a boat. But now he’s doing Internet trending phrases? Sellout.

Well, he HAD a point until he once again said, “I never hurt anyone but myself.” Because that doesn’t sound like a rehabilitated man. If you can’t understand that assaulting a 7 year old and your girlfriend’s mother hurts THEM a lot more than it hurts you, then you obviously missed the whole point of jail. It wasn’t a time for you to come to terms with yourself. It was a time for you to come to terms with what you did and how you hurt other people, which obviously he hasn’t done.

But at the same time I can’t fault him for trying to make money off of this. After all, this America. He’d be a moron not to try to profit off of this. He’s got millions and millions of people who know who he is now, and they probably won’t give a shit about him a week from now. If he can sell a t-shirt to one out of every thousand people who laughed at him in that video, he can make more money than he’s ever made legally in his life.

I mean, this guy’s an ex-con. What’s he gonna do? Go on Monster.com, upload his resume, and hope there’s a market out there for felons who can’t spell or read? It’s not like employers are lining up to hire him. He’s gotta eat too. I’m honestly surprised he’s smart enough to recognize that his fifteen minutes of fame isn’t gonna last that long so he’s trying to squeeze every dollar out of it that he can.

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Anyway, you can’t forget the long lasting impact something like that can have on a woman, and I totally understand why the victim’s family is upset about this. They’re watching a guy who terrorized them get his ass kissed by Jimmy Kimmel. I don’t think there’s a person out there reading this right now who wouldn’t feel the same exact way if he had done this to someone you love. But like I said, I’m willing to not hold anything against this guy IF he has truly been rehabilitated.

However, it appears as if that is not the case. His ex-girlfriend Melanie Philbrook reached out to the Turtleboy yesterday because she knows where the only media outlet is that will give a fair and honest assessment of this whole situation. A friend of hers reached out to Mike Bergin on Facebook and asked if he would be willing to apologize (which he has never done) to the victim’s family now that he’s got the nation’s attention for at least five more minutes. Seems fair to me. His response proves that this guy is still a complete scumbucket:


Yup. It’s like finding out that Santa Claus isn’t real. “Fuck Melanie and her mom (sic).” Those aren’t the words of someone who has “turned his life around” and become a better person. “I’ve already made money I ain’t never Neva seen before bro.” Well as long as you’r making cash money, who cares about all the people you hurt, right Mike? Because after all, you were on the Jimmy Kimmel show, you don’t have to think about the women and children you’ve affected with your criminal behavior. YOU’RE the victim here!!!

The bottom line is the guy has a right to capitalize off of this, but don’t think for one second that he’s made any changes to his life. He still thinks he didn’t do anything wrong and he still thinks he was the real victim. A viral video on Facebook isn’t gonna change any of that, because no matter what this guy is still just a degenerate ex-con from Malden.

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Click on the image to check out the Turtleboy Store - your one stop shop for all your Turtleboy shopping needs.

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14 Comment(s)
  • Tom B
    October 6, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    I think this is Malden’s most famous citizen. Feeling proud of that, yep.

  • The truth
    October 6, 2015 at 9:34 am

    Please….. Melanie is no victim. Look at her friggin record. This guy didn’t come out to say he was anything other than some stiff going fishing on a Tuesday afternoon. Give it a rest already..

  • October 2, 2015 at 11:37 pm

    Must be related to jerry Remy president of Red Sox nation, they love woman beaters.

  • Publius
    October 2, 2015 at 8:42 pm

    Kimmel should apologize on air. He is getting stale anyway.

  • Kym
    October 2, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    Can someone please send that to kimmel please!!!!

  • MS
    October 2, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    Im shocked, I tell you shocked

  • Maggie the Cat
    October 2, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    Please excuse my lack of knowledge of the cultural phrases used by the lower class of our society, but…who is Felecia?

    • wtatnuckgangsta
      October 2, 2015 at 8:45 pm

      It’s a reference from “Friday”. The 90s are back.

  • JayC
    October 2, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    I wonder what union these two pieces of intelligent life pay dues to? Local 25? They would fit right in with the thugs and city hall workers shaking down TV producers and personalities in Boston. There might be hope for them getting a job after their 15 minutes of fame has expired after all.

  • Areyouserious?
    October 2, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    Do you just copy and paste Barstool?

  • Kevins 9 Iron
    Frank Lee
    October 2, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    Can I see a show of hands, who thought these 2 rocket scientists were upstanding young men? Seriously, haven’t we been making fun of these guys and laughing at them rather than with them? So we can’t now that we (shockingly) find out they have a history? And BTW if you haven’t had a women make you crazy at some point in your life you’re just doing it wrong.

    I wish I had the last 10 minutes of my life back.

    • Citizen13
      October 2, 2015 at 7:44 pm


    October 2, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    o really this guy sucks? damn, i was gonna ask this guy to babysit my kids. NOT ANYMORE.

  • strata
    October 2, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    I’m glad their pursuit of attention, has exposed their true despicable past. Doesn’t stop people nowadays because there is no shame, remorse, or accountability anymore. Sad comment on today’s society.

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