Turtleboy Patriots Duckboat Parade Coverage

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Another day, another duckboat parade. You ever been to one of these things before? It’s a nightmare. I made the mistake of going back in 2011 when the Bruins won the Stanley Cup. Never again. Especially considering there’s a million feet of snow everywhere. I had no desire to go in today either. Luckily we have Turtleboy interns now and one of them was on the ground to let us know about what we missed with our other boy Jerry Thornton from WEEI.


There were a million people there and of course this was what your view looked like if you didn’t get creative:


Your best bet to get a good view was to stand on top of a giant snow pile


As you can imagine, this led to hilarious consequences, involving geniuses getting stuck in snow


Oh yea, and if think drunken meatheads with chin straps getting stuck in snow is funny then you’d probably have a blast people watching on Boylston Street


Later on some people were tossing a football around on the sidewalk. Unfortunately one of these Revere lifers thought it would be wise to chuck the ball directly in the path of the oncoming duckboats:

Luckily they were booed roundily.

Another option for seeing the duckboats is what these nudniks did


If they fell out of the tree it obviously would’ve awesome. But unfortunately they stayed up there.

I don’t get why people go to these things. You get to see the players for five seconds each and thats about it.

Hey look, there goes Malcolm Butler


And look, Tom Brady with yet another Lombardi Trophy


And it’s not like they can hear you when they’re going by either. Like when Bill Belichick goes by and your yells of support are drowned out by the drunken dingleberries you’re surrounded by.

So let me get this straight. Our intern on the scene down there drove an hour and a half both ways, paid God knows what for parking, stood in the freezing cold for tow hours, all so he could see Belichick go by him for a 9 second video? Yea sign me up.

I guess the one worthwhile thing he did get to do down there was yell at Bob Kraft and tell him not to be such a cheap ass and pay Darrelle Revis whatever number Darrelle Revis wants:

If Revis resigns our intern is getting promoted to full time unpaid blogger.

Personally, the only parade I’d go to is one where it’s only Julian Edelman and Gronk. Those two need to rent an apartment together and get a reality TV show already. I’d watch. Apparently some idiot threw Gronk a football to sign while his duckboat was going by and asked him to sign it. Of course he did sign it, but then like the meathead he is, he looked around until he saw the hottest junior smokeshow at the parade and threw it to her instead.


Then he did what meatheads do best – yell “woo-hoo.”

Classic Gronk.

Anyway, I couldn’t be happier that I didn’t go, and I definitely won’t be going to the next one either. Which brings up the question – which team will get the next duckboat parade? Safe to say we can scratch the Celtics off the list. The Red Sox? Ya never know. Good-bad-good-bad. They’re on cycle for a good year. The Bruins are kind of down this year, but anyone can win in hockey. I’d definitely say it’s the Pats right? Somehow this is the youngest Super Bowl team in NFL history. Brady’s still got it. Revis will be back. Gronk will be back. Belichick will be back. It’s gotta be them. Same time next year.

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