TurtleBoy Responds To Moron Sam Monson Who Said Tom Brady Isn’t A Top 5 NFL Quarterback

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Some stooge named Sam Monson from Pro Football Focus become the latest idiot to make himself a household name by saying something really, really stupid. I swear that’s all you have to do these days to establish yourself as a writer, and it’s actually quite genius. His article for entitled “Tom Brady is no longer a top 5 QB” was obviously written to get our attention. Because everyone with a brain knows that this is just silly.

First of all, the article is for ESPN “insiders.” I just wanna take a moment to tell to go fuck itself with their “insider” articles. Look assholes, there is simply no fucking way I am paying any amount of money to read your trash. There’s this thing called the “internet” and it basically gives me access to thousands and thousands of articles on the same exact topics your writers write about. Are your writers magical purveyors of hot takes that I simply cannot find anywhere else? Do your articles come with a complimentary lap dance? No? Then what the fuck am I paying you $3.33 a month for? The greatest writer you’ve ever employed, Bill Simmons, doesn’t charge me to read his articles on Grantland which could easily be mistaken for a lost edition of Crime and Punishment. So why the fuck would I ever, ever pay you to read your articles form a bunch of people like Sam Monson who are clearly trolling for page views?

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Anyway, I didn’t have access to the whole article, so here are the rations we were allowed to read for free:

“Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, and Aaron Rodgers. The elite quarterback Mount Rushmore has been in place for a few years now, a comforting constant in an NFL of consistent turnover and change. But it might be time to wipe one of those four faces off our mountain of elite play. The Tom Brady of 2014 no longer belongs on this monument.”

So many things wrong with this statement. First of all, name five quarterbacks that are better than Tom Brady. You can’t. Rodgers I’ll give you. He’s been the best for several years now. Brees you have a case as well, but with him and Manning we’re comparing apples to oranges here.

Manning has never once played for a team that doesn’t have elite receiving options. Brady had one year (2007) with actual toys to play with and all he did was destroy every record imaginable. Brees plays on turf in an offense that’s designed to score as many points as possible because their defense is so terrible.

Nevertheless, if you wanna say Manning and Brees are better then Brady I’m not gonna go there. Even if I concede that though, how can you possibly put him lower than #4? Well this idiot has decided that Phil Rivers and Ben fucking Roethlisberger are better than Brady. Yes, he actually said that and it costs money to read that. Because I wanna spend $3.33 a month to read something that a fucking kindergardener knows is literally pulled directly out of Sam Monson’s ass.


First of all, Russell Wilson and Andrew Luck are both better quarterbacks than those two. Phil Rivers had a nice little season last year, throwing for more yards and touchdowns than Brady. Big Ben’s numbers were pretty similar to Brady’s. So apparently this guy is using one year’s worth of data to reach this illogical conclusion.

How about 2012? Brady threw for 4,800 yards, 34 TD’s, and 8 INTs. Rivers threw for 3,600 yards, 26 TD and 15 INT. Big Ben? A solid 3,200 yards, 26 TD, and 8 INT. But 2012 didn’t count right?

So how did these two magically pass Brady on this nudnik’s imaginary list? Well let’s see. Brady was sacked 10 more times than Rivers was last year. Rivers got a new toy named Keenan Allen to play with, and Brady’s old toy Danny Woodhead, who was one of the more reliable receiving options out of the backfield last year. Big Ben had Antonio Brown and Emmanuel Sanders, who are probably both better than anyone on the Patriots.

Was Woodhead the only guy Brady lost? Gronk was injured. Again. Hernandez turned out to be the deadliest hitman in American history. Wes Welker jumped ship and went to Denver. And what was Brady left with? The mighty Kembrell Tompkins and Aaron Dobson. He did somehow manage to make an All-Star out of 7th round draft pick and college quarterback Julian Edelman though. But none of that matters.


The thing is that Monson readily admits that Brady’s receivers were terrible and his line sucked:

“I think the receivers definitely doesn’t help,” Monson said. “When you have a receiving corps that’€™s depleted, you’€™re obviously going to struggle more. But I think the point I was trying to make was that Brady’s decline has been in action for a while now and all the receivers did was make it look worse than it would’ve done already.

“The point is though, at this stage in his career, Brady needs protection from the offensive line more than he ever has, and he didn’t get it last year. When you look at his decline over the last few years, even when the offensive line has been strong, he’€™s been struggling under pressure. I think the more pressure he’s going to get over the next couple of years, no matter how long he plays, the worse we’re going to see Brady look. Whether he has receiving options or not, he’s still going to struggle in the face of pressure.”

So let me get this straight. Brady is in decline because he needs non-imbecille receivers and an offensive line that blocks in order to be effective? Yea that’s weird right? Because Peyton Manning can stand in the pocket without an offensive line while the other team counts to five Mississippi. Yea that’s it. The fact that Manning has Eric Decker, Demaryius Thomas, Julius Thomas, and Wes Welker had noting to do with his better numbers “under pressure” last year.

This nudnik readily admits that there are a multitude of factors that contributed to Brady’s decline. Then he just kind of assumes Brady would suck regardless because “Whether he has receiving options or not, he’s still going to struggle in the face of pressure.” Yea dude, he’s slow as shit. Of course he’s gonna struggle under pressure. Doesn’t change the fact that Brees, Manning, and Rodgers couldn’t be successful without blocking either.


The guy is a numbers junkie. The problem of course is that he doesn’t really know anything about the game of football itself. Here’s his bio:


So he lives in Ireland and watches looks at the box scores after games. That makes him a fucking expert of course. And he plays for the West Dublin Rhinos, so he knows a lot about what makes a quarterback elite.

Here’s what kind of sums up his entire thought process:

Brady is still extremely effective when he is in rhythm within the offense, but when things start to break down, he is no longer an efficient passer. When he had the ball in his hands for 2.6 seconds or more in 2013, he completed just 45.1 percent of his passes, worst among 16-game starters. His passer rating on those throws was 69.2, worse than all but a handful of replacement-level starters. It is true that his performance spiked when he had a healthy Rob Gronkowski, but that same statement would likely apply to every other quarterback in football.

The biggest problem I have with this this article is that it isn’t intellectually honest and the reporter didn’t actually do any real statistical evaluation. Cool stats bro. So did you analyze the 55% of throw that Brady did not complete while under pressure? How many of them were drops from the Jets Game Week 2? The year before that, what percent of plays in which Brady held the ball longer than 2.6 seconds ended up in completed passes to Wes Welker? Because he’s the independent variable right? He was there in 2012, but not in 2013. Therefore I’d like to know what the exact statistical effect of Welker’s absence was, and for that matter what the combined statistical effect of Hernandez, Gronk’s and Woodhead’s departure.

Think about it, who was Brady’s go to guy while under pressure last year? In an ideal world it was Shane Vereen but he couldn’t stay on the field. He didn’t have one. He didn’t have a Kevin Faulk or a Woodhead or a Welker or a Gronk. Instead he had Danny Amendola’s dumb ass.


The last thing I wanna say about this clown show is that he thinks winning is some irrelevant stat. Because who the fuck cares about winning the game when you can analyze a bunch of data right?

“Honestly, for a quarterback I don’€™t think winning matters much at all,” he said. “It’s not the quarterback. The quarterback is not winning games. Fifty-three guys and the coaching staff are winning games. Wins are not a quarterback’€™s statistic, and anyone who thinks they are needs to look at more of what they’€™re trying to analyze. It’€™s just not the way to measure things.”

You know what every member of the Mount Rushmore of QB elites has in common? They’ve all won Super Bowls. So on one hand he says that Brady, Manning, and Brees are the elite. The other guy he added to his top 5 (Big Ben) has two rings, despite being a mediocre career quarterback (but an elite rapist nonetheless). But yea, winning doesn’t fucking matter at all.

The bottom line is that the quarterbacks ARE winning games in the NFL. As soon as the Packers lost Rodgers this year they magically sucked. Indianapolis lost Manning and they were suddenly 0-14. One thing every crappy team in the league has in common is a crappy quarterback. These are actual facts Sam Monson. You should try using them. Then again, as a writer myself I am thoroughly impressed by your ability to draw attention to your blog and garner page views. I clearly have a lot to learn.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.





5 Comment(s)
  • June 4, 2014 at 9:58 am

    ESPN is such a joke now. I dont even visit their website anymore.

    • Joey G
      June 4, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      But I love Lebron’s dunks and stories about gay athletes breaking barriers and a tiny mention of hockey at the end of SportsCenter.

  • Joey G
    June 4, 2014 at 8:14 am

    Don’t give Ben that much credit… he is an elite serial groper and molester at best.

    • Margee Pesikov
      June 4, 2014 at 10:11 pm

      Ben raped me. But I only said that after the fact. I loved every second his his big Steeler.

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