Welcome to the week four of the official Turtleboy Sports NFL Power Rankings. It simply doesn’t get any more official than this poll compiled by Worcester legend/guru and NFL expert James Latino, along with interns Lenny Russell and Joey Genius, and of course the boy who rides on turtles. Here’s how Week 4’s poll turned out:
For each pollster we will look at their choices and I will explain why they are slugrakes. Teams that are highlighted in green are teams that that voter has ranked at least 3 spots above their rank in the official poll. Teams that are orange are at least 3 spots below their rank in the official poll. Let’s start by looking at my poll (not that one fuck boi):
I think the Chargers are a wagon this year. This isn’t the LT Chargers. This is a winning team and they are going to win the Super Bowl. Mark it down now. What else do you need to see? Phil Rivers has reached the next level despite being a giant asshole. He’s gonna win the MVP this year. Their defense is one of the best in the NFL, and they literally raped and pillaged the defending Super Bowl Champion Seahawks, a team that every other moron in this poll has ranked above San Diego.
The Cowboys are 3-1 but I still think they suck. Tony Romo. That is all.
The Patriots are exactly what I thought they were last week when I had them ranked LOWER than everyone else – a mediocre team. Getting ransacked by the Chiefs doesn’t change anything.
The Texans are another fake 3-1 team. Ryan Fitzpatrick. That is all.
I still believe in the Saints. I don’t understand how they’re losing to these horrible teams like Dallas, but at the end of the day they have Drew Brees. They’re ranked way too low by everyone else.
Last week I had the Steelers ranked higher than everyone else. This week I have them lower than everyone else. It is simply inexcusable to lose to the Tampa Bay Bucs. End of story.
Oh yea, and I still love the Browns.
Hey fuck boi – If you think the Bears are a better team than the Ravens then I wants what you’re smoking. The Ravens just facialized Cam Newton and the Panthers. This is why Lenny Russell can’t have nice things.
I agree with him on the Browns, Saints, and Texans. But the Vikings should be ranked higher. They don’t get any credit for beating Atlanta? This is no longer the abortion known as the Matt Cassell Vikings. It’s the Teddy Bridgewater wagon. Well, except for tonight.
And he had the Patriots as a top 10 team last week. All of a sudden they drop to 24? Why? Because they got their ass kicked? I know they suck right now, but there’s just no way possible that you can say they are worse than the God damn BILLS!!
So it looks like every week this nudnik is gonna give me the most to write about. Holy fuckstick. Where do I start with this one?
How about the Lions 4th overall? The Lions are better than the Cardinals – an undefeated team that has steamrolled San Fran? They’re better than the Chargers? I want what he’s smoking.
And the Texans are ranked AHEAD of the 49ers? What the fuck do you do on Sundays Mr. Genius? Did I see you at the Big E? Here’s how I know he can’t possibly mean this. If I gave him an even money line on a Texans-49ers game on a neutral field, there is no possible way he takes the Texans. It’s not possible. I swear he tossed this list together in five seconds because his wife was making him go to Savers to buy a new pair of slacks.
And the Giants, Vikings, and Bills are ALL better than Kansas City, Carolina, New Orleans, and New England. Ya got that everyone? The fucking Vikings, a team the Patriots beat 30-7 on the road, is better than the Patriots. Oh yea, and the Saints beat them by double digits too, but who gives a shit about that right?
I think the most aggregious part about his poll is having the Raiders ranked last instead of Jacksonville. The Jaguars are barely an NFL team. I mean, I’ve seen bad in the NFL, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a team that is consistently two touchdown underdogs bad every fucking week for three years in a row. Sure the Raiders are a terrible, terrible team as well. But give me a break, Jacksonville is in a league of it’s own when it comes to suckyness.
I don’t know how this happens every week, but somehow this man puts forward the most agreeable poll. My biggest beef is with the Falcons being ranked that low. No way JL doesn’t take them heads up in a game against Houston.
My question for Jimmy is, how can you possibly have the Seahawks ranked above San Diego even though the Chargers steamrolled their nanis? I mean, I understand that you would love nothing more than giving Russell Wilson a handy, but how can you possibly have Phil Rivers and company ranked below him? Come on JL, get your shit together bro. I thought you were a guru.
Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.