Turtleboy’s Pokemon Go Blogs Are Causing Post Turtle Butthurt

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There are some topics we’ve written about on Turtleboy Sports that make people hate us. For instance, last year we suggested it was dumb to throw a beached shark in Chatham back into the water. People wanted our heads. You don’t fuck with sharks or turtle riders will destroy you. I guess we can add Pokemon Go to that list now, based on some feedback we’ve received….

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Alright, so quick refresher for the newbies. Turtleboy Sports uses something called “satire” to entertain our readers. This was not meant to be a serious investigation of what the Pokemon Go game is all about. It was just some light hearted takes on what everyone driving by noticed – the hundreds of people walking around Elm Park glued to their cell phones and looking for imaginary Japanese cartoons. See, this is not normal, every day behavior. That’s what makes it so amusing.

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We hold nothing against you if you were pictured in the blog, and we certainly were not making fun of you. If you have a sense of humor then you would see yourself in there and laugh. Because it’s just Pokemon Go. Not worth getting upset about. Life is too short.

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What on earth would lead you to believe that anything associated with Turtleboy Sports is “mature” or “professional.” There is no blog on the Internet littered with more spelling and grammatical mistakes than Turtleboy Sports. Being professional is overrated and boring, as is being mature. But please, tell me more about what was misleading about this blog. It was a bunch of pictures of people looking at their cell phones. Did we stage these photographs? Were they really playing stickball and talking about politics? Do tell.

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Alright, so we write different kinds of blogs. For instance, our blogs on Mosaic, Spencer-East Brookfield School District, and Laughlin Kennels were meant to be informative. They required thorough investigations, Freedom of Information Act requests, and lots of interviews.

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But we also do light hearted and entertaining blogs as well. Because sometimes it’s nice to sit back and have a laugh. Perhaps we could start writing disclaimers at the top of every blog, letting our readers know what is entertainment and what is investigative journalism. But we were kind of hoping you could figure that one out on your own. Just sayin.

Don’t worry all you Pokemon Go diehards, it’s nothing personal. You’ll be back on the turtle the next time some plus sized model celebrates dead cops or the Vernon Hill book club raids an elementary school bus. We are still friends.

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P.S. Turtleboy is apparently some sort of Pokemon Go safe space.


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34 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    July 15, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    I’m an adult and I’m enjoying it. Not about to get bent out of shape over it though. I know full well that it’s a stupid, silly game. But I’ve gotten in a lot of extra walking, which my doctor says is good for my blood pressure.

  • True Reality Speaks
    Mirror Mirror
    July 15, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    They’re just preparing these kids to be good little followers and lemmings for the Democrat Pimp Party.

  • johndnorth
    July 14, 2016 at 11:02 am

    A couple of dopes have already figured out where the pokeman dopes will go to get their rewards. They mugged the first person who showed up. They were arrested. Complaints are coming in to the co. that developed the game and the game may be changed. Good luck.

  • Sal Monella
    July 13, 2016 at 9:21 pm

    The good part of getting dozens of Poke Your Mom Go! losers in Elm Park all at once is they probably run the meth heads out. Just watch out for the used needles while you’re capturing your imaginary whatever’s…

    What stupidity! Get your head out of your phone, walk like a human, not a Neanderthal and see the world upright! As ugly as Worcester can be its way more real than some shitty Asian cellphone!

    • MommaH
      July 14, 2016 at 6:03 am

      Did you know that Pokemon GO teaches you the history about Worcester? Everytime you get more Pokemon Balls from the towers, you get a little bit of history. These towers are located at memorials. It is nice to know that I have lived here most of my life and learned more about this city through this Pokemon game in one day.

  • Shelley Furman
    July 13, 2016 at 7:11 pm

    Gamers defending their game. Everyone has a right to do what they enjoy. But Turtleboy sports has a right to call it as they see it. Don’t like it…walk away. This game can be great to some…but I see it as nothing more than mindless people with nothing better to do looking for things that aren’t there. And I am allowed to feel that way, as my son with high functioning autism is now consumed with it. He is 22 years old and in one week this game wrecked our relationship, and the relationship he had with our family, as he no longer wants anything to do with us. There are dangers involved in this game. People socially interacting through the game….no. Certain people are vunerable to strangers. I adore Turtle Boy sports for calling it as they see it. We all have the freedom to do so…and shouldn’t be ridiculed for doing it.

    • NoodelyAppendage
      July 13, 2016 at 11:38 pm

      Shelly, you need a reality check, Doll. You hate this game based on the fact that your nephew has autism. Your hatred of the game is just deflection. What you hate is the autism. He has become involved in the game and as someone with autism is wont to do, he has become totally absorbed in it. It’s not the game’s fault, it’s autism’s fault. Place the blame where it lies and make the needed adjustments. If it wasn’t pokemon Go it would be something else absorbing your nephews attention. That’s how Autism works. PokemonGO hasn’t stolen your nephew from you, Autism and your unwillingness to work within it’s parameters has.

      Are you so feeble minded and weak that you can’t reach past your hatred of this game to get involved with your nephews interest in order to keep socializing with him? Or do you expect him to conform to what YOU want despite the fact that his mind works differently than yours? Assuming you are a normal functioning person that is. And if he is vulnerable to strangers then your family needs to get off their asses and go with him on walks. Oh everyone works? Well then if he is so vunerable then he clearly needs a care taker. It’s not the games fault he has a disability. It’s not the games fault or really his. It’s just autism. So, something should be gotten rid of or outlawed or whatever because it inconveniences you and some people have autism therefore are vulnerable?

      I have dealt with many, many autistic people, between all the spectrums and unfortunately you have to break into THEIR world. Grow up and stop acting like a baby about it. Be an adult and reach out to him with his interest and do your part to bring him back out of this obsession…… Or you can just keep whining about it and blaming everything but the autism, of course then you’ll really have no one to blame but yourself. Honestly, you’re the type of person with your limited thinking and your misguided blame games that TB is always ranting about.

      As for the rest of you dead before their time people, jokers not withstanding. It’s JUST A FUCKING GAME!!! And with all things it has the potential for good or bad depending on how you use it. Yeah you want these people to be working, but they’re not going to work with or without a game. At least it keeps people occupied in a more positive way than say, breaking into cars, shop lifting, doing drugs. You should be ashamed of yourself bitching, moaning and complaining about something that has nothing to do with you just because you have a stick up your ass and you can’t stand to see people having fun and being happy about something. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t make it dumb. See you think you are so adult but that is such a childish mentality.

      I am an adult and I play pokemon go for a good reason, because my kid does and I interact with and take responsibility for their life and don’t expect them to reach me. It’s not his job to try to reach me. Its his job to push limits and mine to enforce them. If ever I am dead before my time like some of you… Nope won’t happen. I keep my mind and heart flexible and my emotions and reactions mature. THAT my friends is adult behavior. And don’t get me wrong, I love all of you. You are entitled to your opinions just don’t pull a Trigglypuff because people like something you don’t. TrigglyPuff is the pokemon NO ONE wants.

      • Rational person
        July 14, 2016 at 8:24 am

        I couldn’t agree more, Noodely.

      • Ash Ketchum
        July 14, 2016 at 3:49 pm

        She obviously isn’t a sane person though. Would any sane person put their actual name when leaving a comment on this blog?

        • True Reality Speaks
          True Reality Speaks
          July 15, 2016 at 2:06 pm

          Hey Noodely – reading comprehension not your strong point, huh?. She said her son, not her nephew. And come back and lecture Shelley when you have a child with autism, and not some BS you heard from a friend who has a friend with a cousin that has a kid that has autism. Or some lie that you work with special needs kids. Based on your long winded rant above it’s obvious what you’re all about. Why do you hate parents with kids that have special needs? Why do you feel the need to lash out against her? Why so much anger at someone voicing a very specific issue they’re having? Your parents not get you the help you needed? That would explain a lot.

          And just the fact that that delusionally smug bully Rational Person agrees with you is reason enough to know how wrong you are. Sadly, you won’t see that. You’re loathing of others that look, sound, think, or act differently than you really is evident in your comments above. Curb your obvious hatred and fear of those who are different than you and then maybe you can stop being such a hateful, pathetic prick. You sound like some teachers I know that hate their students.

          The world would be much better with more Shelleys and less Noodleys. Way too many of you douchebags to go around, but then again there wouldn’t be a Turtle Boy without a-holes like you to expose.

          • You are TRULY a know it all asshole.
            July 15, 2016 at 2:50 pm

            True reality speaks…. Hmmm… Shouldn’t that be Know it all fucktard? In no way was noodle degrading or being mean. In fact, from where I stand, he was trying to help. Yet, somehow, you managed to call him a liar, hateful pathetic prick, who hates people with special needs. Where the fuck did you get that from? There are many many different forms of autism. Are you an expert on them all?
            So, apparently you have your masters degree? And you are also apparently a doctor? Where do you find the time?
            School us, inform us. Or, go fuck yourself. Either way, your comments are getting less interesting and more about how important and smart you are with every post.
            Try not to spend too much time replying, there are people in this world who are anxiously awaiting your guidance as an educator. You wouldn’t want to leave them hanging.

  • bwahahahah
    July 13, 2016 at 5:48 pm

    Alana Gordon – You play Pokemon Go. No one takes you seriously.

  • social media lemming
    July 13, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    It is sad that one poster needed an app to justify his goong outside and socializing. If the app told him to stay inside and diddle himself we would never had heard from him.

    • bwahahahah
      July 13, 2016 at 5:54 pm

      “It is sad that one poster needed an app to justify his goong outside and socializing.”

      I read a quote the other day from a person who said he used his Fit Bit to tell him if he was getting enough sleep. Seriously? You are so non-thinking that you can’t figure out if you need more sleep?

      I don’t believe in evolution, but I am beginning to think people are devolving.

      • Rational Person
        July 13, 2016 at 5:56 pm

        You don’t believe in evolution? That’s all I need to know about you.

        • True Reality Speaks
          True Reality Speaks
          July 15, 2016 at 1:30 pm

          And your drive-by potshots always targeting other commenters say everything one needs to know about you.

  • Maggie the Cat
    July 13, 2016 at 1:56 pm

    I like to be prepared for things, so…I have decided that if I’m ever on a jury for a trial involving a sober, rational driver who hits a Pokemon Go player who just wanders out into the street oblivious to the danger, I will hold out for “Not Guilty by Reason of Natural Selection”. Anybody who plays this game and is injured or dies gets what he or she deserves.

  • MommaH
    July 13, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    You know, as soon as I saw your first blog about the Pokemon Apocalypse, I couldn’t help to read it right away…then I start scrolling through the pics praying I wasn’t there…then blam, me and my son…we were in hysterics. We did go to play Pokémon Go…we saw the accident, then left…in the pics, we felt like we were being stalked. I am almost 50 years old, but to show interest in this with my son, getting my steps in, I also got to spend a little time with him. We had a good time till that accident happened. Anyways, people are gonna judge you no matter what, I have learned that in life. Life goes on…live a little, laugh a lot. Do crazy things so you have stories to tell when you get older.
    This will be a story I will share someday. Thank you for allowing me share my opinion.

  • Michelle
    July 13, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    I don’t nor will I ever chase imaginary pokemon. My daughter found one in the bathroom . get out of my bathroom jigglypuff ya perv. Lol

  • Noodly Appendage
    July 13, 2016 at 12:24 pm

    The Pokémon go thing has me conflicted. I am an adult and I play it with my kid. We have been having a blast with it and the cool thing is we have been to several really awesome monuments where I have taken the opportunity to teach my kid some history as well as respect for those who gave their lives for our country. The cool thing is that the kid dragged me to these places. Also, there is the opportunity to pic up litter on our walks and we have met up with some really great people!

    There are occasionally idiots who will drive by in their cars and yell at people, calling us Pokémon losers. I don’t know why they are so hateful. Maybe the people in the parks are messing with their drug deals and it pisses them off.

    As for people walking in the streets or people’s yards….. well they are selfish idiots. You don’t have to walk in the street or trespass to get those imaginary pixels. Just stay on the sidewalk and they will come to you.

    The game warns, be aware of your surroundings. I guess it needs to add, stay out of the road and do not trespass, because people are just too stupid.

    • Pokedope
      July 13, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      Noodly is foolishly raising another noodlehead. Great for Japanese toy makers, sorry for mankind.

  • Jay
    July 13, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    Turtleboy the blog is either satire or its not. You can’t just claim it’s satire when it’s convenient then declare you have hottest and most truthful stories around. This is like the guy who says “I was just joking” whenever he’s called out for shit.

    • TB loves the pickle
      July 13, 2016 at 12:30 pm

      It’s the Turtleboy way. They claim that they are a serious news source but as soon as they are called out for reporting something wrong (whether it was an interpretation issue or flat out wrong facts) they just claim it was all satire and pretend it never happened. And the Turtle-sheep lap it up.

    • KimberlyS
      July 13, 2016 at 12:41 pm

      Sure you can claim ‘Satire’ – I believe both HuffPo & The Daily Caller have articles that are listed under ‘Satire’ headings. The only difference is, this blog supposes that its readers are smart enough to figure it out on their own.

      • True Reality Speaks
        Mirror Mirror
        July 15, 2016 at 1:09 pm

        It’s blatantly obvious reading these comments that the whiners here need to go back and brush up on their 7th grade reading comprehension lessons. This blog really isn’t suitable reading for lemmings or other vapid safe spacers.

    • bwahahahah
      July 13, 2016 at 5:49 pm

      Pokemon Go is stupid…and for the record I am not joking.

    • Shelley Furman
      July 13, 2016 at 7:15 pm

      don’t like it…leave the page

      • anononon
        July 13, 2016 at 9:59 pm

        Shelley Furman – Someone should leave the page because he agrees with what TB is talking about (how lame these Pokemon Zombies are)?

        Yeahhh….that makes a lot of sense….if you are butthurt over people pointing out how stupid Pokemon Go is.

  • BobnMic
    July 13, 2016 at 11:43 am

    I laugh how some commenters can not tell the difference between satirical content followed by a fun dialogue versus a serious topic warranting serious debate. It should come easy to figure out just from the titles alone most of time. It’s called a sense of humor and very few on here have one unfortunately.

    Everything is so serious followed by whiny responses, not getting it, takes the fun out of it for you. And that’s too bad really. Lighten up for those that this applies to and make it fun. That is what it is supposed to be all about. Maybe it takes time. I say this to help others because I have been riding the turtle since it started and the style has not changed in 3 plus years.

    • True Reality Speaks
      Mirror Mirror
      July 15, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      The general public is astoundingly stupid. What makes it tragic for the rest of us is they don’t know it – and always vote Democrat.

  • KimberlyS
    July 13, 2016 at 11:18 am

    Wow – what a lot of time some people have to lecture.

    I’ve never played the game – don’t have a smartphone – don’t really care that much. But jeez, get a sense of humor and get over yourself.

  • TavishMcDickish
    July 13, 2016 at 11:14 am

    Nothing better than an adult trying to rationalize a video game. If your an adult and your defending yourself walking around aimlessly, staring at your phone, and playing a video game by another adult who is teasing you… then it’s time to re-evaluate what your doing with your life.. Have I played this game….yes…. Does it make me or society better in any way….hell no….Mindless entertainment is great once in a while, but I’m a grown up and realize that defending mindless entertainment insted of doing something actually productive is pointless. Shit like this is why America is going soft.

    • Rational person
      July 13, 2016 at 1:17 pm

      Lighten up, Nancy.

    • Shelley Furman
      July 13, 2016 at 7:14 pm


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