Twin City Buttermule Turns Into Dairy Mason Legal Expert After Burger King Employee Allegedly Videotapes Her Kid Puking And Uploads To Snapchat

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A local mother caused a stir today in the wonderful kingdom of Fitchburg when she posted this tall tale to the Discussing Fitchburg Now Facebook page about her recent experience at Burger King:

So her kid got super sick from Burger King and started yacking all over the floor while an employee named “Hannah” gleefully recorded it all and uploaded it to Snapface. Now Samantha Bowman is suing/pursuing legal actions against a minimum wage worker for filming something she saw in public.

Where’s the video? Who knows? Internet mobs don’t need evidence. All they need is a ratchet (any ratchet will do) to type out an unconfirmed anecdote and it’s automatically taken as fact:

Why does this ALWAYS happen? It’s just amazing how this happens every time. You can literally post anything on the Internet and mobs of morons will believe it because it makes them feel good to digitally have your back when something shitty happens to you.

In case you couldn’t tell from Samantha’s brilliant writing style, there’s obviously more to this story. Plus, exhibit B:

You can’t trust anyone who uses a Facebook filter or routinely takes bathroom selfies. That’s just science. Nevertheless, this stranger posted it on Discussing Fitchburg Now so all the idiots just lined up to believe it.

But the thing about Fitchburg that people don’t know is, they have more lawyers per capita than any other municipality. And no one is more familiar with the law than Samantha Bowman herself:

It’s true. You can take all the pictures you want in a Burger King with your iMachine. But don’t you dare switch it over to video mode. THAT is illegal. Does this look like the kind of person who isn’t familiar with the Massachusetts General Laws?

Dairy Mason over here knows the laws inside and out. And if she says it’s illegal, then it’s illegal.

Luckily they are at home “resting” after this traumatic event, and the BK employee has already been fired:

I’m sure Burger King management not only made a snap judgement call in regard to personnel based solely on an anecdotal phone call from a local buttermule, but they also disclosed exactly what internal actions they were taking with their private company. Yup, that DEFINITELY happened.

Don’t doubt her either – she’s already contacted her lawyers:

On a Sunday, mind you. That’s how tight she is with her legal staff. They never take a day off.

She was far from the only lawyer chiming in. It was basically an Avvo question and answer forum:

Thank God we have more than one Internet lawyer on the case. Turns out you are allowed to video record, you just have to have the mute button on.

And as another Flatbrim Sockolove pointed out, you’re not allowed to post minors to public forums:

It’s true. I’ve never seen children’s pictures posted on Facebook. Ever.

Oh, and to the legion of doubters on Facebook, she has nothing to prove to you. Even though she specifically brought this to your attention by posting it in a public city forum:

This story keeps getting better. Now the videos have been pulled from Burger King, she’s gotten ahold of the General Manager himself/herself, and the video shows the employee taping her daughter AND uploading it to Snapgram.

But wait…..you’re telling me there’s video cameras in Burger King? But…..that’s illegal!! You can’t videotape people in a public setting! My Facebook legal team told me that! Oh wait, they don’t have audio, so it’s all good in the hood.

Here’s my question – where’s the video at? She made this huge stink but didn’t show the video to anyone. Turns out the video is no longer on social media, she just wants to make sure it ceases to exist completely:

Yup, time to go through her phone! Gonna have to call in the FBI for this one. Because if it’s no longer in her phone then it can’t exist. It’s not like she could’ve sent it to a million people, or had one of her followers download the video when she had it up. And when you delete videos and photos from your phone they are gone forever. They don’t go to a “trash” folder for 30 days while they wait in limbo. Yup, making sure it’s no longer on her phone should fix the problem.

Her post was like a sounding call for ratchet Moms everywhere to talk about what they would’ve done in such a situation:

Uhoh! She’d be “throwing hands.” In front of her daughter. Because someone quietly videotaping your kid in a public setting is far more detrimental than the psychological impact on a child that comes from watching their mother exchange fisticuffs with a Burger King cashier. It’s all good though, because she waited until marriage…..

I think?

Then there was this:

No you didn’t. That didn’t even happen once Kristen, and you know it. Stop trying to insert your food poisoning story into every conversation. Just accept the fact that your life isn’t that interesting, and you don’t have any good stories to contribute to any conversation.

It was only a matter of time until others came along to warn people about the past history of Dairy Mason:

Not that I trust a flat brimmer who thinks “sell phones” are a thing. But I kind of believe it at the same time.

Oh, and according to others we spoke with, it wasn’t actually her child in the first place. It was her boy toy Jose Mauras’:

Don’t let them tell you the racing stripe fade went out of style in the 90’s Jose. You keep doing you. I mean, you’re married to a legal expert, so obviously things are going great already.

Turns out Lionel Butts’ boyfriend knows a thing or two about the law himself:

Oh good, he was charged with attempted murder and A&B against his ex-girlfriend’s sister less than five years ago. Dairy Mason will shack up with a guy that gets arrested for beating women, but she draws the line about videotaping in Burger King.

Shockingly she took the post down once the questions started getting tougher. But as you know, screenshots are your friend, and the Internet is forever Samantha. 

The bottom line is that the second you step out of your house you surrender any expectation of privacy. Just assume that no matter what you are doing there is a camera on you, and the video will be uploaded to Instabook. Don’t like it? Sit at home all day and be a hermit. The rest of us have come to terms with the modern world, and Burger King is not your safe space.

Also, no one taped your kid and put it on social media. Just sayin.