Two Geeks From Iowa Threaten To Shoot People At A Boston Pokémon Event, And It’s Official – Nowhere Is Safe Anymore

I officially give up. In recent times, senseless unmotivated terrorism has reared it’s ugly head at the safest, most sacred places. Kindergarten classes, historical black churches, military bases, Amish community gatherings, movie theaters, coffee shops, high schools, fast-food restaurants, the billion dollar Boston marathon charity fundraiser, and now – two lowlifes threaten to shoot up a Pokémon world championship?!?!

Now, let me be the first to admit, I don’t even know what the Pokémon world championship is.  After a little reading, I think it has to do with kids around the world meeting up and trading comic book cards or something.  While that doesn’t necessarily interest me – hey if that is your thing, all the power to ya. The burning question is – why the FUCK would two rednecks threaten to slaughter all of their like-minded geek friends on social media, and then drive half way across the country from Iowa with unlicensed assault rifles, if they weren’t plotting something?


Accused terrorist James Austin Stumbo on the left stylin’ at a recent Pokémon world championship event


What motivates these freaks?? These terrorist acts never achieve anything worthwhile. They don’t make lots of money or receive glory or love or power, they end up blowing up and killing scores of people they have never met and in doing so become unanimously hated by everyone including members of their own families and eventually executed. Sounds like fun.

While it’s sometimes scary that the NSA often closely monitors all of our text messages and social media profiles so closely, thank God it often enables them to sometimes step in and diffuse potentially horrific situations like this one.

In a statement, the Pokemon Company said they were made aware of the threat after attendees notified them of posts on social media.

“Prior to the event this weekend, our community of players made us aware of a security issue. We gathered information and gave it as soon as possible to the authorities at the John B. Hynes Veterans Memorial Convention Center who acted swiftly and spearheaded communication with the Boston Police Department. Due to quick action, the potential threat was resolved. The Pokémon Company International takes the safety of our fans seriously and will continue to ensure proper security measures are a priority.”

“The relationship between police and private sector security is important in both our community policing philosophy, as well as our counter-terrorism strategy. This incident is a good example of private security reaching out to their local Boston police district and relaying information to detectives and BRIC analysts in order to identify the very real threat,” BPD Bureau of Intelligence and Analysis Commander Superintendent Paul Fitzgerald said.

After obtaining a search warrant for the vehicle, police found a 12-gauge shotgun, an AR-15, several hundred rounds of ammunition and a hunting knife.



Accused terrorist 18-year-old Kevin Norton from Ames, Iowa showing off his good side


On Friday, arrest warrants were issued for 18-year-old Kevin Norton and 27-year-old James Stumbo and the men were taken in to custody at their hotel in Saugus.

P.S. no one who has ever stayed at a hotel in Saugus was ever intending to do anything legal.



18-year-old Kevin Norton made terrorist threats and drove 1000+ miles to participate in a Boston Pokémon event with unlicensed assault rifles


Detectives discovered that the two men had driven all the way from Iowa with several guns in their vehicle that they did not have licenses for.

For the love of God, leave Boston alone, we’ve been through enough these last couple of years. While their intentions have not officially been revealed, it’s safe to say we are all grateful that these two are in custody. Let’s please give these two freaks a pack of garbage pail kids and send them back where they belong.

2 Comment(s)
  • TMnT DEK
    August 24, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    Motherfuckers take it serious when you can’t pronounce Mewtwo!

  • Drylaw
    August 23, 2015 at 10:42 pm

    Maybe they were mad that they missed comic-con?

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