UMass Beats Flopping/Whining URI For Third Time, St. Bonaventure Fans Troll Us Entire Game


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I’m not gonna get that in detail about the UMass Minutemens’ 65-61 win over Rhode Island, because I could write a freaking book about what I just witnessed. Here are the cliff notes:

  1. Chaz played possibly the worst game he’s every played for UMass in his hometown, but he ultimately hit the game winning three pointer and iced four of four free throws in the final minute. The fact that the game was close is on him. The fact that we won is on him. Live and die by Chaz.
  2. I’ve never seen a player depreciate in value so much in one season as Cady Lalanne. November Cady was a dominant NBA prospect. March Cady makes Micah Brand look like Bill Russell. He literally gets worse every single game. Finally Kellogg sat his useless ass down last night after he missed three straight layups. He can’t pass. He can’t shoot, but that didn’t stop him from jacking up two three pointers. And he can’t play defense. This vine sums up what March Cady is all about.
  3. UMass got extremely lucky that URI can’t hit free throws. 11-23. Nuff said.
  4. URI sucks. They turned the ball over in almost hilarious fashion. UMass should’ve won this game by 20.
  5. This team continues to win in spite of Derek Kellogg. His play calling is atrocious, and the fact that the players simply are NEVER prepared in the first half, and always come out flat, is on him. Period.
  6. Danny Hurley is an insane man. Makes sense since his father is also an insane Jersey man.
  7. The reffing was an absolute disgrace to western civilization. Shocking.
  8. URI is a bunch off flapping wannabe Montreal Canadiens. Seriously, I’ve never seen anything so bad. Here’s a few six second clips of just how truly disgusting the combination of flopping and terrible reffing is.

Like this one, where Munford goes down like a ton of bricks, when Chaz clearly didn’t even touch him.

Wanna better angle on that to see just what a flop that was?

URI was the most out of control team I’ve ever seen. Just ran around recklessly. But hey when you’re allowed to do this, then you might as well.

And they were sooooo inconsistent. Either be terrible all day and play street ball or blow the whistle at the right times. Watch what Chaz doesn’t get with the ball, and does get called when he’s on defense.

But the award for most asinine call in the history of the world, along with the best actor of all time award, goes to this “foul on Sampson Carter.

I haven’t seen someone go down that hard since I watched the Zapruder film. Dude was DOWN for the count, Sampson had the audacity to try to stand up. It’s just so standard at this point.

Best moment of the game by far was when Chaz hit the three to basically put the game away and his Mom went insane. We’ve met Mrs. Chaz before, and she’s a swell lady.

So we’re moving on. It wasn’t pretty but I’ll take it. We’ll have people down there getting the hot takes for our Brooklyn coverage. Oh, and guess who else is gonna be in Brooklyn? Our good friends Hannah Gordon and the St. Bonaventure posse. JK, Hannah won’t be there:

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First of all, the Buffalo St. Patrick’s Day parade, sounds like quite possibly the best party you could possibly go to. Everything about that sounds like fun. Everything. Well, except for the fact that it means you live near Buffalo.

Out of nowhere during the game St. Bonny fans started coming out of the woodwork on my Twitter. For whatever reason there is an entire University that hates us with such a passion that they literally stalk my life and live to troll on TurtleBoy. They’ve literally messaged dozens of people on my friends list to try to find out my hidden secrets. I have nothing to hide. I’m a 100 year old 13 year old boy with a magical turtle I like to ride for fun.

One of these trolls was some kid named Ryan Cooke.

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If that kid’s not a winner, then I don’t who is. All of a sudden he just comes out of nowhere with this, “your Final Four banner was taken down because you’re coach is a cheater” talk:


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Then there with this champion of progress:

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And if there’s one thing St. Bonaventure students will remind you, again, and again, and again……….and again… that there really important school is NOT in Buffalo. It’s like an hour and a half away, and they do NOT f*** around on this issue. It’s non-negotiable:

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They made some interesting points though:

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LOL. Yup. UMass won. You lose. See you in Brooklyn, and I’ll bring that guy you used to work with too.

This guy was relentless though. Invited me to come up and visit:

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I will only come up there if I can stay at this guy’s house. And only if that house is in Buffalo.

So if it’s off to Brooklyn for the quarterfinals. We’ll be with you every step of the way. Keep following us for the hottest A-10 Touranment, Umass-centric takes.

Feel free to share our thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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7 Comment(s)
  • Volunteer from Columbus
    March 18, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    My Vols will destroy your Minutement- colonial style. I caught a second of their game against URI and it was pitiful. The fact that they have a 6 seed is an absolute joke.

    By the way- you’re trying to talk trash in your blog about St Bonnies people being from Buffalo. Buffalo may suck, but dude- you’re from WORCESTER!!!! I was born and raised in Boston for 15 years. Worcester is the laughinstock of New England and you and I both know it. The only people for which Worcester is cool are drug addicts, white trash, criminals, and people with a life goal to be shot by a stray bullet.

  • Turtleboy and Blong are gay lovers
    March 14, 2014 at 11:52 pm

    Lmao wow UMASS is so garbage I wonder if you and your groupies are crying in each other’s arms right now.You Probably should check on that Blong deuchebag he’s def trying to kill himself right Your only chance to ever be called a champion and you get embarrassed must be proud. All that shit you talked they should be a 4 seed if they win the Conf.tournament lol the team is trash they will be lucky if there a 10seed.It doesn’t matter anyway they will lose in the first round.Bonnienation bitches

    • Joey G
      March 16, 2014 at 1:32 am

      What’s a deuchebag?

  • March 14, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    So they keep correcting you by pointing out that they aren’t in buffalo only to point out they are in fact in the middle of nowhere. Is that supposed to be better?

  • March 14, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    I feel bad for the Umass fans that are hoping that team goes deep in the tourney. They looked terrible vs an 18 Loss team.

  • stanner
    March 14, 2014 at 8:56 am

    11th ranked team out of ten was a pretty funny comment, though

    • Joey G
      March 14, 2014 at 3:18 pm

      Go back to Buffalo!

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