WTF

UMass Turtle Rider Made The Most Accurate Documentary About Frats That You’ll Ever See

 

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Frats are often stereotyped as racist rape factories that dooshnozzles join so they can bang freshmen girls. Maybe that’s the way it works at some schools, but not UMass. At UMass there is nothing cool about frats. Less than 5% of people are involved in Greek life because there’s a million other things to do. So this UMass student and turtle rider went around asking college students about what they think of frats, and it is by far the most accurate thing I’ve ever seen about Greek life at the Zoo:

Everything they said was the same thing people at UMass have been saying for 20 years. Only freshmen go to frats because they don’t know any better. Some frat boys are weirdos. Dead on. Openly gay guys in frats is definitely a new thing though, but that’s just a product of the times. At the end of the day frat guys are just like any other guys – they want to drink beer, be happy, and possibly make out once in a while.

There’s nothing cool about frats at UMass. Trust me, I was in one. No one was cool. Lots of kids like this one:

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I joined because all my friends were moving off campus and I didn’t have a car so I needed a place on campus to stay. This Turtleboy was in the same frat as the gay kid from the video – Phi Sigma Kappa. Apparently now they do a lot of volunteer work around campus and they’re really good people. Wasn’t like that back in the day. Most of us were in it for the parking spot.

But when Turtleboy was there there were 8 of us. Ya got that? The whole frat was 8 kids. And Turtleboy was the President for 2 weeks because no one else would do it. Because getting kids to pledge your frat at UMass requires hitting on guys. It’s really weird and awkward. You have to go up to 18 year olds at parties that you don’t really like and say, “hey, wanna join my frat?” Then you have to get their phone number and call them a day or two later when you’re both sober and ask them to come over for a cookout. It’s terrible. None of us ever did that so we didn’t reproduce.

Then if you do lure them into your house you have to start showing them a good time early on. It’s all a scam. You just feed them cheap beer and make it seem like the good times will never end. But you gradually start mixing in the shitty stuff. First it starts with some cleaning up after the parties. No big deal. Then it leads to some light hazing, but you can take it. Next thing you know it’s 2 AM and you’re drinking tooth paste out of an onion in the basement while your pledge brothers are puking their brains out and everyone’s calling you a pussy.

Anyway, the kid who made this video is pretty talented and apparently he rides the turtle. If he keeps making videos like this we’ll keep putting him on the blog.

P.S. The neighbors that he interviews at Theta Chi were the worst. Dry fraternity. What’s the point? They used to tow our cars if we parked an inch on their property. Losers.

 

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17 Comment(s)
  • Mike Honcho
    June 4, 2016 at 5:34 am

    Mike Honcho was in a fraternity. Learned some skills for the real world and did some good community service while there. Not too long ago I met a guy in the same fraternity from another chapter and was disappointed to hear they made him do gay shit like the elephant walk during pledging. That teaches no skills but gayness. I do not regret being in a fraternity. However if I went to UMASS Amherst I never would have joined one.

  • UsualSuspect
    UsualSuspect
    June 3, 2016 at 8:56 am

    Sure there was drinking at my fraternity, but there also was a great group of guys that did tons of philanthropic events raising money for multiple charities. We staged parties at our house and at outside venues. life was good. We were the largest fraternity on campus, and one of the most diverse and respected. The safety of women was paramount, zero tolerance for any of that type of behavior, which is why our female friends loved hanging out with us. “They hate us ‘cuz they ain’t us”. Screw the haters, go Greek and find out what it is really all about. Granted I was in greek life 25 years ago, but many of the ideals are the same, especially in the larger national fraternities.

  • Reddog
    June 2, 2016 at 11:44 pm

    Aiden

    • BobnMic
      June 3, 2016 at 12:33 am

      Exactly who cares? The stuff here is good if not great and generates discussion, debate, agreement, disagreement and more. So what is so wrong with that?

      There are a few thinned skinned SJWs that will just out right call you whatever they can conjure up but that comes with the territory.

      So you hit back or not. “And the beat goes on” – The Whispers 1979.

  • Reddog
    June 2, 2016 at 11:43 pm

    Who cares if it’s Adian? Are you not gonna read TB anymore? Of course you are, so who cares?

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      June 2, 2016 at 11:52 pm

      Exactly.

  • Joshua M
    June 2, 2016 at 9:21 pm

    Hmm, was a member of that frat and there were only 8 of you at the time. Gee not hard to prove that Turtleboy is Aidan Kearney now.

    • June 2, 2016 at 11:23 pm

      You’ll crack this case yet!!! Keep dedicating your life to it!!!

      • ProfessorM
        June 3, 2016 at 7:15 am

        Awe look, it’s the gay one you were talking about. Listen here Josh, there will be no buffalo hip thrusts coming your way. Skidaddle. Vamooth. Go away!

        • Sarah T
          June 5, 2016 at 10:40 am

          1. That made no sense.

          2. This proves that turtleboy readers are anti-gay.

          3. The word is vamoosh.

      • Joshua M
        June 5, 2016 at 10:36 am

        Funny you seem to be dedicating your life to trying to hide it.

        • ProfessorM
          June 5, 2016 at 10:49 am

          Obviously you learned nothing in that fraternity Josh. It’s supposed to be about brotherhood. Here you are trying to “expose” someone…. Even if it were him, why the fuck would you try to out him like that? A little jealous maybe? Maybe your life went no where after college? You spent 200,000 for an “education”, and you never once considered how many jobs were available in your field of learning…. So now it’s time to come here and try to make someone else’s life miserable.
          Instead of being a dick, try attending some CPCE classes. Lower your expectations. Not everyone can be Turtleboy. 🙂

          • Sarah M
            June 7, 2016 at 4:21 pm

            What the hell are you talking about? Professor? What did anything you just write have to do with anything on this page. Maybe Aiden should stop lying about his web traffic to sponsors.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      June 2, 2016 at 11:50 pm

      Look what we have here… Our very own Columbo; retard edition.

      • Sarah T
        June 5, 2016 at 10:43 am

        Also makes no sense. You’ve proven nothing.

  • Jack
    Joe Max
    June 2, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    Firstly, wish I was their age again. I was in a frat for five years, wish it was six. Looks like they’re doing about the same things. Except they’re under a lot more scrutiny. They’re pretty conservative kids to me, see no big issues. Have fun kids, the dinosaur life will arrive. Much sooner than you think !

  • Ashley's Thighmaster
    June 2, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    i loved my fraternity days. Hell, I went back to bang college chicks at parties regularly for 8 years after I graduated. I still have a very strong bond with most of the guys and even now that we all have kids the families we still get together. It’s a lot more than just parties, drinking and chicks. At least where I went to school. We were and still are active in the community, student government and other such endeavors. SIGMA PI BABY!!!! FSC!!!!

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