The internet is rife with bullshit sob-story fundraisers created by lazy, entitled slags. There is a preternatural abundance of victims of terrible circumstance that defy basic logic, but Jelly Medrano has upped the bullshit bar substantially with this piece of implausible hot garbage:
Bold move. Doesn’t look like it’s paying off.
I’ll be the first to admit that I am not fluent in ratchetnese, so I did have to look up the word “murk”. Apparently the definition is (according to Urban Dictionary):
To physically beat someone so severely, they end up dying from their injuries. To beat the living shit outta someone. To seriously whoop somebodys ass.
He said he could see me with the hands, but I clearly murked that motherfucker.”
So apparently this skanktron needs $500 immediately, or she’s going to get taken out like a bag of trash. Seems legit.
What could she possibly need that money for? Ransom to the nicest kidnappers ever, who still let you on social media to post fundraisers and dirty mirror selfies? Does she owe her drug dealer? Her pimp? Is her landlord going to skip over eviction and just bury her under the front porch if she doesn’t pay up? Does she need more Henny??
That’s a big claim with scarce details, coming from a small mind, homegirl. It really feels like you didn’t think this one through all that well. If it’s a joke, its not even mildly amusing and no one is going to donate to it ironically. If you’re trying to be serious….just don’t. Don’t. You sit on a throne of lies.
Jelly presents herself as an actress/model, but this fundraiser determined that to be a lie as well, because a bitch can’t even pay her own ransom money.
But I guess when your version of a “photoshoot” is a selfie taken in the mirror of a Merrimack Valley Best Western motel,
there’s not a lot in the budget to pay your way out of some nondescript life-threatening emergency. She obviously can’t tell you any details, because it’s life or death. But you should totally believe her, because she put it on the internet, and everything on the internet is true.
She’s really committing to this story, too.
Considering her fundraiser was put up a couple days ago, she may already be dead by now! And here we all are, just reading her post, exactly like she predicted. Holy shit, check out Fauxstradomus and her self-fulfilling prophecies! Too bad she couldn’t gaze into the future and see where she could have reasonably come up with a few hundred bucks real quick…
That’s only like, 25 swords to swallow to save your own life, home girl. I believe you could get that done in a day or two if you really tried. This plot isn’t working, it was never going to work. These lazy gutterslug internet panhandlers aren’t even trying anymore, and it’s nauseating.
Anyway, if someone knows the details of the mortal danger this foodstampotomus has allegedly gotten herself in to, could you let us know? Or even better, Jelly, if you’re still alive despite being $495 short of the $500 you needed to prevent the imminent murking, would you please come on the live show to discuss this with us? I feel like you have some explaining to do.