The internet is rife with bullshit sob-story fundraisers created by lazy, entitled slags. There is a preternatural abundance of victims of terrible circumstance that defy basic logic, but Jelly Medrano has upped the bullshit bar substantially with this piece of implausible hot garbage:
Bold move. Doesn’t look like it’s paying off.
I’ll be the first to admit that I am not fluent in ratchetnese, so I did have to look up the word “murk”. Apparently the definition is (according to Urban Dictionary):
To physically beat someone so severely, they end up dying from their injuries. To beat the living shit outta someone. To seriously whoop somebodys ass.
He said he could see me with the hands, but I clearly murked that motherfucker.”
So apparently this skanktron needs $500 immediately, or she’s going to get taken out like a bag of trash. Seems legit.
What could she possibly need that money for? Ransom to the nicest kidnappers ever, who still let you on social media to post fundraisers and dirty mirror selfies? Does she owe her drug dealer? Her pimp? Is her landlord going to skip over eviction and just bury her under the front porch if she doesn’t pay up? Does she need more Henny??
That’s a big claim with scarce details, coming from a small mind, homegirl. It really feels like you didn’t think this one through all that well. If it’s a joke, its not even mildly amusing and no one is going to donate to it ironically. If you’re trying to be serious….just don’t. Don’t. You sit on a throne of lies.
Jelly presents herself as an actress/model, but this fundraiser determined that to be a lie as well, because a bitch can’t even pay her own ransom money.
But I guess when your version of a “photoshoot” is a selfie taken in the mirror of a Merrimack Valley Best Western motel,
there’s not a lot in the budget to pay your way out of some nondescript life-threatening emergency. She obviously can’t tell you any details, because it’s life or death. But you should totally believe her, because she put it on the internet, and everything on the internet is true.
She’s really committing to this story, too.
Considering her fundraiser was put up a couple days ago, she may already be dead by now! And here we all are, just reading her post, exactly like she predicted. Holy shit, check out Fauxstradomus and her self-fulfilling prophecies! Too bad she couldn’t gaze into the future and see where she could have reasonably come up with a few hundred bucks real quick…
That’s only like, 25 swords to swallow to save your own life, home girl. I believe you could get that done in a day or two if you really tried. This plot isn’t working, it was never going to work. These lazy gutterslug internet panhandlers aren’t even trying anymore, and it’s nauseating.
Anyway, if someone knows the details of the mortal danger this foodstampotomus has allegedly gotten herself in to, could you let us know? Or even better, Jelly, if you’re still alive despite being $495 short of the $500 you needed to prevent the imminent murking, would you please come on the live show to discuss this with us? I feel like you have some explaining to do.
31 Comment(s)
Id donate a sawbuck to drop a load in her. Those wide breeding hips make me wary though, definitely gotta come prepared with the plan b
She has a rewards card at the local planned parenthood, so no need to spend any of your own money on plan b.
So, it’s been 24 hours….
Anyone know if she is alive or dead?
She should charge $20 per hole. Be paid off in no time!
Guess she’s “murked” – the gfm is gone.
Let’s hope
Ok. Here’s the $500 question;
It’s been a few days since her GoFuckMe was set up. Did she get “murked?”
That moose knuckle looks like a giant, filthy 2-pack of Twinkies
Who told these women that fat asses are sexy? There’s a difference between an ass that’s big and “in shape” and the fucking bag of wet rags she’s displaying. C’mon, get it together. And she needs to start wearing a bra cuz, for a young girl, her tits are already waaaaay flatter than they should be.
You’re right. Those nasty flapjacks hanging off her chest look like eggs in socks.
Yuck!
Yikes! What an ass! It’s dirty, it’s huge, and it’s well used. Gross in every way. I bet her farts stink like sausage
Where do I donate…for the hit. Wow ghettolicious. That’s one sturdy girl, she’s built like an Egyptian pyramid, wide stable bottom and sloping sides. Jelly could always make some money by being the ballast for a supertanker ship.
Was thinking the same thing.
“Donate $500 and I’ll beat the snot out of Jelly. If I reach my goal I’ll stick a video on World Star”.
That’s a GFM I could get behind.
I don’t know which is worse, social media or the picture of that giant dirty ass
Does the Grim Reaper have a Go Fund Me? I’ll throw in some cash if it will move her up on the list.
I stand with Jelly. She can’t even tell us if it’s the patriarchy, racists cops, or an evil white man that’s shaking her down. The situation is that dire!
pig vomit
Fucking shit, how did she even pull those goddamn jeans on.
The taxidermy man’s gonna have a heart attack when he sees what I brought em!
Great Jaws quote. Well done
Holy sheeeit! Her camel toe resembles the Panama Canal!
Holy Thunder Thighs, Batman! That’s a main-sail’s worth of denim clutching the femur flesh below the clothesline!
Duck lips, selfies, cleavage, Hennessy. All that’s need for all that Jelly is a few loaves of bread.
We may need a bigger Batboat for this fish Robin
Would. She’s half the size and twice as pretty as Bristol, though Bristol and her daughters can really work a dick.
sorry no discounts here
The moose knuckle is strong with this one.
Ummmm….not sure I would. Who am I kidding. Would!!!
Thou may want to slather your wood with creosote prior, Mr. Wood!
Oh she seems nice.
Her ass looks like a cardboard box for a flat screen TV.
Fucking “murked.”
Just die, bitch. No one gives a shit about you, or your fucking self-made problems.