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USMNT Kyle Beckerman Took The Most Emasculating Engagement Photos Imaginable

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.

 

Hey guys, have you ever had to take really emasculating engagement photos? If not, you are married and you avoided this ordeal, then you are truly a God among men. Taking really embarrassing engagement photos is a ritual of marriage. We all have to go through it. It last like five hours, you wanna punch yourself in the face, and you are officially the joke of the party after the save the dates go out.

Well, luckily for you the USMNT Soccer Team’s Kyle Beckerman just made you look a lot cooler. Check out these bad boys:

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Unless she’s a professional soccer player and an avid fisherman then these pictures are a million times worse than they look. It’s one thing to be dragged along on some charade because you love a woman. I spent about five hours throwing red and orange leaves in the air and spelling out really feminine love message with scrabble letters in my conjoined hands with my wife.

But that was because SHE was calling the shots. That’s what HER interests were. I was just along for the ride, because I’m a dude. Kyle Beckerman does not have this excuse. He obviously planned the engagement photos around his own self interests which means he thought this whole thing out. Take a lap bros, this is embarrassing.

And one more thing – when I first saw this guy I thought he was gonna be one of our best players, but all he does is kick people in the shins and draw penalties. I have one rule about guys with dreadlocks – you better be one of the best players on the field. Because if you’re not then you just look like a giant dooshnozzle. Richard Sherman, he can wear dreadlocks because he’s the best corner in the NFL. Ricky Williams wore dreads even though they could literally be used as a way to tackle him. Didn’t stop him from rushing for thousands of yards while under the influence of bong hits.

Brandon Merriweather? He sucked. No business wearing dreads. It’s just not justified if you suck. That’s the boat Beckerman is in. Either get really nasty and start scoring goals or chop that shit off bro. It’s not about you. It’s about America and freedom.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.

 

 

 

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