Utah Valley University Fans Just Passed St. Bonaventure Fans As Biggest Morons On Earth After Rushing Court To Celebrate Win Over New Mexico State And Get Punched in the Face

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say the following two things again:

1) College kids are officially ruining the age old tradition of storming the court.

2) More fans need to get punched in the face by players.

If you’re a TurtleBoy Sports regular, then you’ll remember that idiot fan from Texas Tech who rightfully was punched in the face by Oklahoma State’s Marcus Smart. Fans who think that buying a ticket gives them a license to be a complete dooshnozzle should have players knock them back into reality once in a while. These idiots think they’re invincible because they joined in the mob.

Now back in my day you only stormed the court if your team was 7-22 and you just beat Duke, or better yet, a Steve Lappas coached team beats UCONN. Nowadays though any time you beat someone who is slightly better than you, it’s rush on the court time.

If you ride the Turtle like we do, then you know full well that the biggest frauds in the country root for some loser team in Buffalo known as St. Bonaventure. They stormed the court after beating the #19, and no longer ranked UMass Minutemen. At home. As two point favorites. But on the bright side, all of their students have excellent grammar, including the Junior Smokeshow and friend of Turtleboy Sports, Hannah Gordon.


The bottom line is, the rushing the court thing is officially ruined. It’s getting really old, and I’m afraid to say that this once proud tradition was officially killed yesterday in by far the most inappropriate court rush in the history of mankind. The teams were New Mexico State and Utah Valley University. Quite frankly, if you can’t get up for this game, then you might as well go watch the ballet. Your shit is WAC bro!!

Apparently the students at UVU despise NMSU, who has won two of the last three WAC titles. The win for UVU put them in the driver’s seat for the top seed in their conference tournament. And remember, whoever wins that gets the right to be a 14 seed and get facialized by Louisville in the first round.

First of all, UVU sounds like some kind of venereal disease. It’s all I can think of while writing this. Secondly, the geniuses that go there need to simma down. You beat a team that’s 21-9 and plays in a crap happy conference that’s only sending one automatic bid team to the dance. It’s really one of the least significant accomplishments possible. Whatever you do, DON’T RUSH THE FLOOR.

But what do they do? Rush the floor like the nudniks they are. Luckily, these idiots got exactly what was coming to them. Here’s the video of the melee in Utah. Watch #25 in red at approximately :40 seconds.

Boom. Right in the kisser.

Here’s the kid right before he’s about to get whacked in the face by sweet, creamy reality:


I could watch that poor idiot get sucker punched all day. New Mexico State is now officially my favorite team. They handled that situation exactly how they should’ve handled it, and in doing so corrected the two major problems I addressed at the beginning.

1) Their idiot fans who rushed the court put everyone else in immediate danger. You’re not allowed to run on the court during a game because it’s a safety issue. But somehow you’re allowed to run like wild cattle onto the floor while the other team is still standing on it after the buzzers sounds. That player from NMSU was well within his rights to throw that ball directly at them. What were his other options? Stand there and try not to get trampled by the hundreds of idiots who comprise UVU’s student body? Like I said, I don’t mind a good storming of the court if the moment is right. You have to be a terrible team, who beat one of college basketball’s best AND one of your major rivals. The following are appropriate storming the court situations:

Rutgers beats Syracuse

TCU beats Kansas

Washington State beats Arizona

All of those are suckbag teams who hypothetically beat conference powerhouses and college basketball’s best.

2) Another fan got punched in the face, and rightfully so. Newsflash to morons when considering rushing the floor: you’re putting yourself in grave danger. You’re running directly at a team that is very upset after losing a close game. Every player on that team could kick your candy ass.

Yet last night these idiots thought it would be smart to confront men in the prime of their lives that are much stronger, bigger, and bad ass than they are. Why would any human being choose to do this?


Because they don’t fear getting punched in the face. Luckily #25 took care of that problem. These idiots are like cows on a farm with an electric fence. A cow will wander wherever it wants to, until it walks into a electric fence and gets its ass shocked. The cow had no idea that this was possible. They thought they were an untouchable bovine, until they walk into that fence and get jolted with reality. Same exact thing here. These idiots will wake up with a black eye today and realize they did something really, really stupid, and they’ll never do it again.

Look at this idiot in the black t shirt yelling things at the NMSU players. Why’s he doing that? Because there’s an imaginary wall between him and them that he thinks is real. Guess what dooshnozzle? Those guys can and will punch you in the face, and when they do everyone will laugh at you and say you got what you deserved.

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I bet you a million bucks the NCAA starts cracking down on this now. So congratulations to the idiots at St. Bonaventure and UVU for ruining one of the great American traditions. Everyone hates you.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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