Turtleboy Investigates

Veiled Threats, Cease And Desist Letters, And Violent Felons, Oh My! Investigating The Straight Pride Parade Pansies Who Just Can’t Let Their Butthurt Die

It’s been pretty busy for the fine folks over at ‘Super Happy Fun America’ organizing the straight pride parade since our ill-fated live stream that left their feelings mortally wounded and apparently have spurned quite the spiteful reaction. When not crying over the “domestic terrorism” of mailing out glitter, they’ve been occupied with fielding hilarious cease and desist letters from businesses unhappy with the organization’s deceptive practice of presenting themselves as “in negotiation” for sponsorship, when in fact, they are not. They still have time to make pathetic, veiled threats against us for hurting their feelings, though. And as it turns out, they’re a bit more sketchy than our first impression. I’ve been investigating this, as well as their Nemesis and far-left twinsies, Antifa, for several weeks now. You can read the first installment of my investigative series on TBdailynews, because that’s where stuff like this goes now. 

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36 Comment(s)
  • Dad
    July 23, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    I used to admire Bristol’s writing. But her recent reincarnation into SJW sisterhood is sickening. Along with the fag/tranny crowd its bash the strait people time. The nerve of these people to think they can have a parade.

  • gitty
    July 23, 2019 at 3:57 pm

    I see the byline “Bristol Turtlecunt” and I click away.

  • Too funny
    July 23, 2019 at 12:32 pm

    The reaction here is so telling. “Wahhhh liberals” “This article says if youre not antifia, youre alt right” “I hate the word alt right” if it was some drug addict or Antifa with the criminal record this guy has he’d be eaten alive, but if it fits your side it’s ok. That’s pretty silly. I think this site is garbage except for the rare logical, balanced take it puts out, but its garbage readers cant handle anything without a deep right wing slant. That’s funny. On a side note, I read the article, and the research was thorough, except for reverting to calling Antifa domestic terrorists, obviously the author doesn’t understand the history or mission of the group at all.

  • Randall Guy
    July 23, 2019 at 10:48 am

    Bristol, you are brilliant. Your talents are wasted on the 15 nitwit readers here.

    Also, what are you wearing?

  • Turtle Slider
    July 23, 2019 at 7:36 am

    It seems like Bristol is blowing Uncle TB on the side. How else would he allow this Lib madness on the blog site. “Spunky fat girl with lib leaning views and mean anonymous opinions persuades Blog site leader and cucks him out to lib culture” should be the articles title.

  • a
    July 23, 2019 at 7:22 am

    TBH, I think most of us Turtle Riders want to go to the parade…

  • Dick Scratcher
    July 23, 2019 at 6:40 am

    Me mates and me celebrating limerick day (off we fuck)……..

    • Big Wick
      July 23, 2019 at 12:07 pm

      All due respect. Dick, but I just threw up a little in my mouth. That was a difficult video to swallow.

  • Kwak Nockur
    July 23, 2019 at 2:17 am

    Oh, more pro-sodomy posts from TB chicks? Awesome. Maybe next article can be about a mastiff lickin’ its balls in the backseat of some random car on a 63-degree day?

  • Hate Dindus
    July 23, 2019 at 2:01 am

    TB, if you really want to Make The Internet Great Again it’s time to fire Bristol. I bet she’s triggered by those hats anyway.

  • Snerdley
    July 22, 2019 at 11:40 pm

    What happened to Turtleboy Sports? Are you really getting your information from far left organizations like the ADL and Thinkprogress? I remember when this used to be a conservative website. And am I the only one that thinks it is hysterical that Super Happy Fun America was able to get Netflix and Lyft to write letters proving they are nothing but Marxist propaganda?

  • Y
    July 22, 2019 at 9:46 pm

    I’m sorry, but did you lump-in the domestic terrorist act committed by ANTIFA on the ICE facility as a conspiracy theory?
    C’mon, you’re better than that.

    • Alan
      July 22, 2019 at 9:58 pm

      No, it was the “civil war” bit thrown in there, I think. I appreciate someone calling both sides out on their bullshit. Adults go to work. Not march and start street brawls

      • Y
        July 22, 2019 at 10:38 pm

        Bristol’s words (or quote), “Outwardly, Resist Marxism seems mostly concerned with talking up an imagined impending civil war, and propagating fear-mongering fringe theories.”
        Followed by links to said “fringe theories”, the first of which is a link to the ICE attack.
        Maybe, I’m misconstruing it, but I’m reading it as she’s implying the ICE attack is a “fringe theory”.

        • Bristol Turtlechick
          July 23, 2019 at 1:05 pm

          No, it was in reference to the “civil war” fringe theory that’s been bustling around for quite some time. There’s no conspiracy to the domestic terrorist attack, obviously – Antifa is currently making that guy into an all out Martyr. I’ve been investigating them as well, FYI, it’s just taking me a bit more time to connect some dots and ID people with Antifa because they are 1. So poorly organized 2. For some odd reason less well cataloged by the FBI, and 3. Largely either ignored or idolized by the media. Honestly, if you can’t see the problem with the behavior on both sides here, you might be the problem. I’ve spoken at length to LEO familiar with this shit, and the pattern has been well established since the 90s. Far right groups set the bait, far left show up, violence erupts. I’m personally not ok with the idea of the streets looking like something in fucking Syria, and looking at only one side of the “Why” is ineffective. There’s Breitbart or The Guardian for that, if you’re so inclined, depending on what side you’d like to take. This is obviously a Breitbart crowd. I prefer to deal in objective facts, however. Seems like no one else really does.

          • Gothpoon Gravydumpster
            July 23, 2019 at 1:16 pm

            Good 4 U sister Bristol us Gravydumpsters need to stick together.

          • Y
            July 23, 2019 at 1:30 pm

            Someone’s a little butt-hurt and seemingly directed her (misguided) comment to the collective comment section.
            I never condoned the actions of anyone; I merely pointed out how the ICE attack is NOT a “fringe theory”.

          • Bristol Turtlechick
            July 23, 2019 at 3:00 pm

            Negligibly so, I won’t invite you to “meet me in person.” 😉 It’s definitely not a fringe theory, my apologies if it appeared that way. And the guy is being treated like a fucking Martyr right now, Antifa is circulating his last words and manifesto around like he’s some sort of patron saint. I’ve spent months looking at Antifa, if you saw the sort of chatter I’ve been seeing in there….I would assume you’d also be pretty pissed off at the prospect of the maniacs intentionally baiting the maniacs out. One of these days someone who isn’t part of Antifa or these alt-right brawling groups is going to end up injured or worse because of this heroic violence fantasy they’e playing out. Before I even hit “publish” on this I did a ton of research, it’s not some sort of liberal chatter. Side note – the collective comment section and Antifa have something in common, you know, a hatred of “liberals.”

          • Thanks Bristol !
            July 24, 2019 at 9:24 pm

            Thank you! These far right twats only wanna see their side and dont care what the other side is regardless If the other side is right. They hate acknowledging that the left might actually be right about something. It’s their way or the highway. it’s a breath of fresh air that TBS has a writer that looks at both sides! Z

      • Y
        July 23, 2019 at 9:13 am

    • Judge dread
      July 22, 2019 at 10:18 pm

      I wanted to comment on this blog. But I’m not goanna say a god damn word.

  • Turtle Slider
    July 22, 2019 at 9:32 pm

    Guys, Bristol is a very socially liberal person, and I feel as though shes gained some sort of influence over the blog as a whole. Shes the kind of person that doesnt identify with other white people, feels slightly more enlightened, but has this streak of judgement to her that allows her to also write blogs about people, ofcourse from a distance in safety. All the things in the world, and she targets the hilarious idea of a straight pride parade. TBS will always be relevant when they smear a local mass screw up, but on the whole, this site will gladly abandon, disavow, and disown the riders and their attitudes that built the blog. So, dont hold your breath. She used the term “alt-right”. Cmon.

    • Turtle Slider
      July 22, 2019 at 9:37 pm

      She also once said “fake hate crimes” havent increased in the Trump-era, and sprinkled in “real hate crimes” havent either, for the fair and balanced approach. YES, FAKE and/or UNPROVEN HATE CRIMES ARE ON THE RISE.

  • Klancy
    July 22, 2019 at 8:50 pm

    Bristol,
    It’s so boring here in the nursing home. Can you check the budget and see if there’s any money in the budget for a research assistant? I really need a job.
    Its either that or I have to back to stalking.

  • Shittiest article yet
    July 22, 2019 at 8:45 pm

    Clicked the link and started to read your story, but stopped short when you threw “alt-right” into the mix. So anyone who is doesn’t want the queer agenda shoved down their throat is now “alt-right” or whatever the fuck that is. Antifa is a straight up commie terrorist organization. Their goal is to silence and intimidate anyone who does not toe their line. To lump people who oppose that into some made up group “alt-right” is true ignorance. Get your head out of your ass and try writing about things you know something about, opposed to throwing around some buzz words that you think sound good.

    • Maybe if you read the article
      July 22, 2019 at 8:52 pm

      You’d see the part where they’re hanging around with actual white supremacists. Isn’t that alt right?

      • ANGRY GIANT
        July 23, 2019 at 10:17 am

        I read the article, and the JDL reference. I saw that they state that there is a white supremacist leader named Apodaca. Yes, a Mexican name. So I guess in your world view, opposition to communism means “white supremacist “. And let me guess, when a black man opposes communist thought, you will call him an Oreo? At least I learned about the American Guard, nice to know Antifa has something to worry about.

      • Maybe if you could understand what you read
        July 23, 2019 at 12:08 pm

        Hey dip shit, maybe if you could comprehend what you read you could make an articulate comment. But you can’t because you are too stupid.

        “As a “war” rages on between Antifa and the Alt-Right….”

        This line implies that anyone who isn’t antifa is alt-right and vice versa. Only limp dick slack jawed faggots would agree with that and or agree with the basic premise of this shitty “article”. Fuck you and everyone you associate with, you fucking douche bag.

        • Dr. Freud
          July 23, 2019 at 12:36 pm

          Black and white, all or nothing thinking is indicative of mental illness and low IQ. Maybe, just maybe, those who don’t engage in the aforementioned “war” don’t apply. The comments section here has a combined IQ of 75, holy shit.

          • Paging Dr, Freud
            July 23, 2019 at 1:01 pm

            Fuckface, the comments are in response to a poorly written article. If the author didn’t generalize, the comments would attack it. Now go fuck your mother.

  • Shit site
    July 22, 2019 at 7:51 pm

    I’d like a response as to why you keep redirecting to a site that doesn’t work?
    Also who exactly isn’t letting the butthurt go when you are the one who keeps writing stories about them?

    • Dick Scratcher
      July 23, 2019 at 3:15 am

      TBDailyNews works fine for me on laptop, PC and phone.

      I rang my IT guy and he says the problem is that you’re a fucking moron trying to view the site on a potato.

      Stupid cunt.

  • Francis Sidebottom
    July 22, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    Gay pride becuase gay shame is unacceptable in the land of the free where self expression is a right not a privilege , just because uncle turtle turd is afraid to come out of the closet doesn’t mean everybody else should stay there with him

  • Shit site
    July 22, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    Do you people even realize the TBdailynews site is a piece of shit that never loads right, lags and is basically unusable?

    • Apparently Science Didn't Make You Its Bitch - You Were Too Dumb
      July 22, 2019 at 7:57 pm

      Stop using your Commodore PET & DOS and maybe you can move out of Mom’s basement & afford some tech from this century, toolboy.

      • Bitchtits Flanagan
        July 22, 2019 at 8:33 pm

        he lives in your mom’s basement because she craves any cock available just like your dad did. This site is starting to suck ass. where are all of Bristol’s lameass followers?

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