Notre Dame is blessed by Jesus, and these pictures of sad Virginia fans prove it.
Make no doubt about it – Notre Dame is the official college football team of Massachusetts. If you polled 100 people about who their favorite team is 85 of them would tell you they don’t care about college football, 10 would say Notre Dame, four would say UMass, and one asshole would say Boston College.
Last week Notre Dame showed they were a serious national championship contender by euthanizing a borderline Top 25 Texas team, 38-3. This week they played at Virginia, a team who had no business playing with them. They fucked around with them for a little bit before finally turning on the Jets and taking a 25-14 lead. That’s when their starting quarterback Malik Zaire broke his ankle (he’s out for the season now).
After that Notre Dame looked like Burncoat High School on offense. Their freshman backup quarterback, Deshone Kizer couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. Next thing you know Virginia took the lead with less than two minutes to go in the 4th quarter.
But I forgot that Notre Dame is a team whose official mascot is Jesus. With 46 seconds to go the Irish ran a screen play that unfortunately ended up in bounds, running the clock down to 20 seconds. A field goal wouldn’t do it, because our kicker is college football’s version of Josh Scobee. As the seconds ticked away and I resigned myself to the fact that this promising season would end before it really began, the unthinkable happened:
The only thing better than that was how it absolutely crushed the souls of Virginia’s preppy, trust fund baby fans:
Yup, you put on that whole suit for nothing. At least your basketball team will go 30-3 again this year and then lose in the second round. Try telling that to this kid, who is legally dead in 47 states:
I know that feeling. It’s that face every guy makes when you find out she’s coming over……..but her flow is strong. Look at the bright side buddy – you’re THAT Virginia fan. This is probably the greatest conversation starter you’ll have for at least the next three years. You’re gonna get lucky a lot more now than you would have if UVA actually won this game. Priorities 101.
At the end of the day, Virginia fans need to relax. Ultimately this game didn’t really matter. Your team sucks and they weren’t going anywhere this season. Meanwhile Notre Dame lost one of the best quarterbacks in the country for the rest of the season and their 2015 campaign is basically fucked at this point. It wouldn’t have even been a game and we wouldn’t have had to rip your souls out if Malik Zaire actually played that whole game. Consider yourselves honored to lose to in such dramatic fashion to a team that is blessed by Jesus.