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Can you believe it’s been six months since we unraveled the viral tall tale of the Weymouth Water Wizz Weenie Matt McGonnigal? If you’re new to the turtle, welcome aboard and read this. Some chudpump tried to impress his girlfriend by making up a story about saving a girl from getting abducted in the Wareham Water Wizz parking lot and damaged the company’s reputation in the process. Turned out the whole thing was a lie and he probably just needed to explain where he was for 30 minutes while he was scoring a bag of blue magic from some skeeveball from Hyannis.
We thought that we taught the Internet a very valuable lesson about believing everything they see on Facebook.
But apparently the Internet has learned nothing, because it happened again. This time it was some clamwench from Wakefield named Amanda Spinney who has a tale for the ages to tell about her experience at the local sportball match in Foxboro on Sunday:
As you can see it has been shared thousands of times, and Amanda is getting exactly what she was hoping to get – attention:
The Internet hardos were out in full force:
Many began to alert the police
As well as the media
While others recommended she get on the horn with Attorney Richard N. Vulva in order to sue the Patriots or Gillette stadium or the cops or….whoever:
There was lots of blame to go around for this unconfirmed anecdote from a stranger on Facebook, including those who pointed the finger directly at the cops themselves for taking part in a conspiracy:
Before we go any further, let’s just break down the many, many things about her story that don’e make any sense:
- The disclaimer about being a recovering heroin addict was only added after people found her vast array of Google trophies:
- So she robbed a bank? Big deal. Who hasn’t done that before? It’s all good though because it was “in the past.” Anything that took place over 3 years and 9 months ago can’t be held against you. Everyone knows that. Just like her arrest for larceny, burglary, driving with a suspended license, and giving a false name to the police:
- Mulligan! But how bout the more recent incident for driving without a license?
- It’s hard to be the getaway driver in a bank robbery without a driver’s license!
- He had her pinned to the ground. He was pulling her hair with one hand (because he’s a ratchet Brockton crackbunny apparently) and was punching her with the other. Instead of punching him in the head, her boyfriend merely tried to pull him off of her. Way to make him look like a chud!
- She was covering her face with one arm (while being pinned to the rocky dirty in the P7 parking lot) and hitting him back with her other arm, while also having her hair pulled by a much bigger and stronger male. Try doing this. It’s literally impossible.
- His friends, who just witnessed him viciously assault a female, did nothing, and warned them that if she persisted she would be dead because “he’s an animal.” Yea, this sort of things happens all the time when a man viciously beats a woman in public.
- Her pinky was bent in half making a “L” and there was blood coming out of 2 small cuts in her hand, so shock and fear set in and they rushed to this hospital.
- I’m not familiar with that injury since I don’t find myself in situations like this. But Uncle Turtleboy has, and according to him it’s a boxer’s fracture. Her right fifth metacarpal to be exact. He told me in our morning chat that he broke that same bone punching his best friend in the face after a minor disagreement in ought five, and was in a bright green cast for 6 weeks after that. She got that injury from punching someone.
- She never contacted Gillette security, or the Foxboro or State Police. None of them witnessed this either. Meanwhile there is basically a military presence on Route 1 every time there’s a Patriots game. Yet no one saw this or tried to do anything to stop it. No one else in the crowded clusterfuck of a lot did either, despite the fact that these parking lots take an hour to clear out because drunks bottlenecking each other on the way home move like molasses.
- And those cuts on her hand? A doctor told her that those are from her broken bones cutting through her skin!! Because that’s believable. Oh, and even though a bone just came out of her skin (which she somehow didn’t notice or take a picture of despite the dozen photos she posted) the doctors sent her home at 1 AM with no brace on her hand and no pain meds.
- If she did get a cast for something like this it would come after surgery, which would’ve happened that night or the next morning. The cast would be on for 6-8 weeks, not one week as she claims.
- If what she is saying is true than the doctor and nurses who treated her were beyond negligent. Yet she doesn’t even list the name of the hospital they went to. We messaged her about it and she refused to answer because apparently we’re “trying to dig up her past.” A real nurse actually pointed this out, but Amanda had an explanation:
- So the doctor saw a bone sticking through her skin, and said, “it was probably just dislocated and broken, but she probably snapped it back in getting in the truck.” Guess she saw Dr. Nick Riviera and Nurse Ratchet.
- By the end of her story there were now 15 friends with the perpetrator! Yet she couldn’t get a picture of any of them!
- She also says at the end that the lot was “practically empty.” Why did she get to her car at 7:45 if the game ended over an hour before that? Why were these 15 hooligans still there? Who tailgates AFTER a game in an empty parking lot?
- She uses these hashtags: #patriots #gillette #afcchampions #GOAT #tombrady #gronk #bobkraft#Superbowl2018. Why? Da fuq are you celebrating Gronk and the Super Bowl for in a post about how you were beaten in the parking lot? Didn’t Gronk miss most of the game anyway? How is that going to help find who did this? Unless of course you’re hoping that #BobKraft searches for himself on Facebook, stumbles across your post, and offers you two free tickets to the Super Bowl because you’re his latest charity case.
- She was badly beaten on the ground with a guy punching her, yet she has no injuries to her face pictured. She doesn’t even mention any.
- No pictures were taken of the perpetrator, his friends, or their vehicle. All of which would’ve directly implicated the guilty party. She doesn’t even mention the kind of vehicles they were driving.
- Gillette’s “legal department and security” (because they work in the same office I guess) called her over a viral Facebook post and told her that it was not caught on camera due to their rotating camera system having blind spots. Even if this was true, the perpetrators had at least three vehicles that were there for hours. They drove into the lot and left the lot at some point. Something obviously would’ve been captured on tape.
Anyone with a brain knew this was a lie at first glance. So we called Gillette Security and the Foxboro Police today to ask them about it. Gillette Security told us that there are no “blind spots” nor are there rotating cameras. Either way, why the hell would the LEGAL DEPARTMENT call her to tell her this? You know who the legal department would contact? Her non-existent lawyer. I’m sure Gillette’s high priced lawyers gladly told her that their security system is so flawed that it resulted in an expensive surgery that they’ll have to pay for now. Definitely.
When she says that Gillette security contacted her, she may or may not be talking about this chick:
The Foxboro Police told us that they don’t have any incident report regarding an Amanda Spinney. Yet according to her the Chief of Police himself contacted her because Gillette security contacted them about her Facebook post:
Not an officer or a detective – the Chief of Police!!! What great service!
She just hasn’t gotten around to filling out an arrest report. Better post it on Facebook first. Everywhere:
Well, everywhere except for the Foxboro PD, Gillette stadium, or State Police Facebook pages. Instead she posts it on fan clubs, NFL, and Patriots pages, hoping that Bob Kraft will see it and give her free tickets to the Super Bowl.
Anyone on the thread who doubted her obviously made up story got a stern talking to from the Facebook feelz patrol:
Yea, how dare you bring up the fact that she’s been arrested for robbing a bank before!! Her character should play no part in whether or not we believe her story!
Yup, that’s it. Anyone who doesn’t believe her is friends with the imaginary bad guy.
So she would show marks on her hand, but not her face because……dog filter
Then there was the #MeToo factor:
Welcome to 2018. Where you hate women if you don’t believe a clearly fabricated Facebook lie from a bank robber. The only thing that’s worse is when a woman thinks she’s lying:
Hey Jill, chick here. We know bullshit when we see it. Notice how most of the guys commenting are all, “I would totally kick his ass?” Yea that’s aggressive male virtue signaling 101. Us women are a little more cunty than that, and we’ll call you out when you’re making the rest of us look bad.
Unfortunately for Jill Wholey, Amanda was too dumb to figure out that she was defending her, and started attacking her for spitting more bang trophies out of her baby cannon:
Then there was Keri….
Yea, stop questioning this story detectives!! She HATES people who question things! And anyone who suggests that this is fake is a bully. Wonder what the odds are that Keri frequently uses……
Never saw that one coming.
Yea, no posting “negative crap.” We should all believe everything we see. It’s not like she’s setting this up for a GoFundMe (“I can’t work for 6 weeks”) or trying to get the Patriots to give her free stuff.
It’s just amazing how many people blindly fall for this stuff. Luckily we here at Turtleboy have begun a movement for common sense. So every time a post like this goes viral a billion turtle riders summon us:
Oh for fuck’s John. Get your act together. It never ceases to amaze me how people think that because our Facebook page was unpublished we no longer exist. Stop letting Facebook control your lives!!
There were some other amazing comments in there as well….
How do people get this dumb?
Oh, and her lies led to more lies according to Clarence:
Anyway, how long until Fox 25 News breaks this story and shits all over the police? Either way, when you put yourself out there like this, you better make sure your story is straight, because the turtle is always watching. And we always get to the bottom of every story we cover.