Hoodrat Heroes

Wareham Shaft Shiner Mom Disappointed In Junkalump Son And Friend For Getting Caught Stealing TV For Her Or Possibly From Her 

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SouthCoast TodayTwo men were arrested Wednesday on larceny charges when they were found with a stolen TV, police said. Officer Chris Smith noticed the suspects — Ryan Hanscome, 22, of East Wareham and Xavier Hernandez, 18, of Wareham — carrying a large covered item about 1 p.m. Wednesday in the area of Sandwich Road and Main Street, police said. The suspects saw the officer and went to the back of a building. The officer found the item, which was a TV was covered with a blanket, police said. Officers later learned it was stolen from a nearby residence. Officer George Chandler and Smith found the suspects behind a nearby building, police said. The officers also noticed currency floating in the water near the suspects and recovered the bills, which were 10 counterfeit $100 notes.

Not one, but two voke-stached aspiring rappers walking down the street in broad daylight carrying something covered by a blanket? Be more conspicuous. You can’t.

Xavier Hernandez is only 18, which means all of the likely crimes he’s committed up until this point have been as a juvenile, and thus his Google trophy cabinet is empty. But Ryan Hanscome is 22, and he’s clearly headed to the Wareham slugrake Hall of Fame with his assortment of Google trophies.

And as you can, this:

Is somehow an improvement.

Xavier is clearly on the road to success as well.

He’s headed off to college were he’ll be majoring in bathroom selfies.

And fun time with happy friends!

Don’t get the lack of Google trophies twisted though, he’s already gone through the hoodrat rite of passage:

Yup, he reproduced. Because….of course he did.

Here’s the best part though – they were apparently either stealing that television for Xavier’s mother, Tonianne Patterson, or stealing FROM her:

It’s unclear from her hoodtastic post. Obviously this deep fried dumpster swine raised her child right, he just didn’t listen to her. You’re not supposed to steal TV’s during the day dumbass!! You’re supposed to do it at night. And you should probably have a car too so you don’t have to walk down Main Street looking like the junkalumps that you are.

Keep in mind, this shaft shiner is in her mid 40’s. Nevertheless, she’s still rocking the dog filter like it’s going out of style:

Because she’s not a regular Mom, she’s a ratchet mom.

I’m sorry, but once you reach 40, I don’t care how much of a ghetto poon you are, it’s time to retire the dog filter. You gotta stop using words like “little”

Oh, and just because 40% of your baby daddy’s are men of color, doesn’t give you license to use the n word freely on social media.

Then again when this is your version of the English language:

Nothing is surprising. Frfr!!

At the same time she’s kind of a hypocrite for calling her kid a dumb criminal, considering she’s had her fair share of Google trophies herself:

It’s shocking that her child would grow up to follow in her footsteps.

14 Comment(s)
  • Eye see it all
    March 16, 2018 at 12:35 pm

    I know this chick. Not personally but friend of friends. She was pregnant about 8yrs ago, showing and going to the port o call bar pounding down shots, smoking and smoking pot. She lost the baby due to her life style. She’s a junkie.

  • Irving
    March 11, 2018 at 2:31 pm

    Aint ashamed to admit i would definitely take all 3 of mom’s high mileage holes to pound town.

  • WhiteGuy
    March 11, 2018 at 8:42 am

    The downfall of America… these people reproducing at an alarming rate.
    Does she see what she and her offspring are doing to this country?
    Why would any white person talk like her?
    Why doesn’t she move to Lawrence, or Springfield, where her kind is more welcome?

  • Spit shine deez nutz
    March 10, 2018 at 3:07 pm

    I’d let her spit shine my shaft but only if I had a triple layered condom on, or should I refer to it as a”jimmy hat” so she’ll understand what I’m saying FRFR

  • nope, not even doggy style
    March 9, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    She doesn’t look too bad but, alas, she is tainted.
    Bet that when she farts it looks like a pink sock waving in the breeze.

  • John Wayne
    March 9, 2018 at 11:23 pm

    Hey guys it is very, very important to remember one thing with the majority of the nasty ‘Bitches’ today: The Fuckin You Get aint worth The Fuckin Your Going To Get!

  • whatevuh
    March 9, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    Sorry hunny, but if you’re fuckin’ nigga’s it’s because no self respecting white guy will touch it, but nigga’s will fuck anything . . . . and baby, that’s on you . . . . think about it

  • Spanky_Steve_Levine
    March 9, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    10 Fannies Lane, Wareham MA?
    Shit, you can’t make this stuff up.

    I’d spank her.

  • LocalYokel
    March 9, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    What does a dyslexic named Antoinette call themselves?

  • z
    March 9, 2018 at 1:26 pm

    Honest to god I had to go to the urban dictionary to make sure what frfr meant.

    Her Feb 5 6:43 post reads like Gabby Hayes Johnson in Blazing Saddles.

  • Brother Turtle
    March 9, 2018 at 12:48 pm

    I’d fuck her in front of her kids! (Consent is ALWAYS optional and NEVER a requirement when I fuck women)

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      March 9, 2018 at 4:27 pm

      Take a vaginal smear for me. I’ll put it under a microscope and discover new strains of bacteria and be famous!

      • Brother Turtle
        March 9, 2018 at 4:54 pm

        I’m sure most, if not all, women these days test positive for some type of disease. Everyone knows I’m right because no one wants to prove me wrong.

  • Stunt Penis
    March 9, 2018 at 12:02 pm

    Trash begets trash

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