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Turtleboy loves America more than anyone. And nothing is more American than our women’s gymnastics team at the Olympics. Tonight they picked the five girls who will be representing our country in Rio next month. Obviously Needham resident Ally Raisman was one of them. Now don’t get me wrong, Turtleboy loves him some Ally Raisman. She defeated the Russians and the Red Chinese and she’s from Massachusetts, so she brings us great pride.
With that said, she might be the worst public speaker of all time. It really bothered me four years ago whenever she spoke, because the girl literally does not breath when she talks. She doesn’t use periods or commas. Listening to her speak is like reading a WANDA Facebook post except with a microphone and a better grasp of the English language. We thought that with four years of public fame Ally would’ve worked on her one deficiency, but based on the interview she gave tonight it is clear that she might be even worse than she was four years ago:
Someone get this girl a comma!! Good God. I still love this team (even though bitch face’s amazing vaults won’t be around), but if they keep putting her in front of the camera the Russians are gonna think we’re weak.
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