Nudniks

Webster Lovers Both Being Arrested For DUI’s While Driving Same Car Less Than A Quarter Mile Is The Most Webster Story Ever

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Are you ready for the most Webster story of the year? Because this is pretty fantastic:

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So let me get this straight. These two lug nuts go to some dive bar in the magical borderland between Dudley and Webster. He gets drunk. She gets drunker. Then Doofus McGee makes HER drive the car and she promptly crashes into a street sign…..on Goddamn MAIN STREET!!! The one street where you are most likely to see a police officer. And at this point they decided it was time for the ol’ Chinese fire drill with a little Webster flavor to it.

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Only in Webster can two people get a DUI in the same car without driving more than a quarter mile. Oh yea, and Natalie Sullivan and Jared Brinkley are exactly how you dreamed they would be:

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Magnificent. Nothing says “Webster 4 life” more than a gaping hole in your earlobe and a half-hearted attempt at a pube-strap. Seriously, Jared Brinkley is such a winner. He smiles for a mug shot, but must maintain his street cred with all bathroom selfies:

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Nothing says, “I’m a white kid from the suburbs, but I’m going nowhere in life, so fuck it” more than putting a buffalo nickel in your ear lobes. Seriously, look at the size of that hole:

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You could play beerpong using only his ears. Once you commit to doing something like that to your body you’ve basically given up on ever looking for a real job. Who does something like that Jared?

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Dropping “n” bombs like it’s going out of style!! Winner!! Don’t mess with him either:

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True that!!!

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Then there’s Natalie Sullivan:

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That right there is what 23 years of living in Webster will do to a person. Good God. How did the cops ever find her? It’s not like she stands out or anything. The fact that these two have the physical ability to reproduce and probably would think nothing of it is frightening.

Never change Webster. Never change.

 

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14 Comment(s)
  • Websta
    February 21, 2016 at 9:20 am

    Proud part of the 47% “leisure class”.

    • Websta
      February 21, 2016 at 9:36 am

      And such folks wish to thank you for your “involuntary donations” (taxes) that you give them. While you’re getting up early and working every day, every week , every month, yet struggling to support your family and yourself, they roll out of bed around noon on a good day, do a wake and bake with a bowl, and head over to a local dive, buy a few $9.00 a pack butts with multiple EBT cards (also courtesy of you) play Keno and buy scratchers and get wasted all day, everyday. Not these 2 necessarily, but this is an example of what goes on all over Mass.

  • Nanny
    February 21, 2016 at 8:54 am

    She’s got pipe-fitter lips.

  • #TurtleboyCantMath
    February 20, 2016 at 10:22 am

    Who is the dipshit that wrote this article? “He gets drunk. She gets drunker. Then Doofus McGee makes HER drive the car ”

    Right under where it says he blew a .28 and she blew a .2.

  • Doc
    February 19, 2016 at 9:49 pm

    Either this one was different for some reason or just one too many, but as a life-long resident of Webster except for my time at college, I feel like I have to address it. This place is flawed, heavily. I’m all for self-deprecating humor and I can settle into an underdog role, so I’ve taken all of the ball-busting about this town for most of my life as good-natured ribbing. I can’t even find fault with a humor site piling on like it did with this story, but shit has to change, and I have no clue as to how to help it along. I am self-proclaimed as “one of the good ones,” and a good parent, an always steadily-employed taxpayer, never a trouble maker, and I have some similar friends down in this berg. I am as bothered as those that are offended by the Webster-bashing, but in defense, I got nuthin’. It’s frustrating enough to work hard all week and live this American life in The Peoples’ Republic of Massachusetts and balance kids and friends and down time without one of the sites I read often ripping my town, ‘specially when I can’t defend it. As one can imagine, the dating pool down here is shallow, so I’m kicking around the idea of going on Match to get a date. If I do, I need to be honest about my my age and my single parenting, but I’m going to be tempted to lie about the hometown. Y’know how Grafton and some other towns have banners up (or at least used to) calling different areas of town “Villages?” I might have to make up a name for my Webster neighborhood and call it a Village when it comes to social media. I’ve tried just putting my head down, rising above the nonsense, being a good dude, getting involved where I can, and just hoping things improve, and still, I got nuthin’. I saw a comment above about starting a hashtag. Ok… I’ll agree. Might do it… I don’t see how a few diamonds in the rough patting ourselves on the back for not being stupid and bragging online makes it a movement. To hear me tell it about what I do vs. the perception of this place, when I’m out walking my dog, I should be putting off a glow like the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. That’s not how it
    TL/DR: I’m mad about Webster-bashing but can’t really get mad.

  • wabbitt
    February 19, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    These are the kind of people that walk up to McDonald’s while they’re closed for maintenance, ignore the huge sign on the door, and hang on the glass.

    Not necessarily them, but those if their ilk.

  • RSoxGuy
    February 19, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    Ohh Webduh….

  • Trusty Johnson
    February 19, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    I’m so Webster that I moved to Gardner.

  • #ImSoWebster
    February 19, 2016 at 12:56 pm

    Oh… my… goosh. I can’t believe I’m reading another article bashing Webster. I say we start the #ImSoWebster hashtag where people from Webster write our biggest achievements on signs starting with “#ImSoWebster that…” so we can show the world what being “so Webster” really means!

    • Uhhhh
      February 19, 2016 at 1:22 pm

      #You’re so Webster you might be the only one with “achievements” to list

      • Doc
        February 19, 2016 at 10:10 pm

        Everyone would prolly be surprised at the number of good eggs down here. The good ones *should* be getting together and putting a Voltron together. We’re not. It’s hard to make friends.

    • Me
      February 21, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      God you are dumber than dirt

  • juror seven
    February 19, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Friends don’t let friends drive drunk. But officer I was less drunk than her.

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