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Are you ready for the most Webster story of the year? Because this is pretty fantastic:
So let me get this straight. These two lug nuts go to some dive bar in the magical borderland between Dudley and Webster. He gets drunk. She gets drunker. Then Doofus McGee makes HER drive the car and she promptly crashes into a street sign…..on Goddamn MAIN STREET!!! The one street where you are most likely to see a police officer. And at this point they decided it was time for the ol’ Chinese fire drill with a little Webster flavor to it.
Only in Webster can two people get a DUI in the same car without driving more than a quarter mile. Oh yea, and Natalie Sullivan and Jared Brinkley are exactly how you dreamed they would be:
Magnificent. Nothing says “Webster 4 life” more than a gaping hole in your earlobe and a half-hearted attempt at a pube-strap. Seriously, Jared Brinkley is such a winner. He smiles for a mug shot, but must maintain his street cred with all bathroom selfies:
Nothing says, “I’m a white kid from the suburbs, but I’m going nowhere in life, so fuck it” more than putting a buffalo nickel in your ear lobes. Seriously, look at the size of that hole:
You could play beerpong using only his ears. Once you commit to doing something like that to your body you’ve basically given up on ever looking for a real job. Who does something like that Jared?
Dropping “n” bombs like it’s going out of style!! Winner!! Don’t mess with him either:
Then there’s Natalie Sullivan:
That right there is what 23 years of living in Webster will do to a person. Good God. How did the cops ever find her? It’s not like she stands out or anything. The fact that these two have the physical ability to reproduce and probably would think nothing of it is frightening.
Never change Webster. Never change.
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