Hoodrat Heroes

Aspiring Webster Rapper Ice Pube Scorches Turtleboy In Archived Freestyle Rap Video 

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Not sure why we’re just seeing this home made diss track from some voke-stached Websterite in 2015, but it’s amazing:

Come on Ice Pube, you gotta be better than that. And Yokozuna called, he wants is white tee back.

Rule #1 of dissing Turtleboy in a freestyle rap – no notebooks. It’s a 45 second rap. If you can’t memorize 45 seconds worth of diss track lyrics then you’re just not cut out for the rap battle game. Sorry, but Uncle Turtleboy will smoke you if you bring that weak sauce to the turtle gates. FACKS!!

“You’re insane, think I won’t go after you? What the fuck I’m sposed to do? Talk until I turn blue?”

Uhoh, he’s “going after” Turtleboy. And by that he means having his boy toy record him in a state of the art rap studio that the civilized world refers to as an attic.

The hat. Nuff said.

Here’s my question where does he rank among these legends?



So many wigtacular legends coming out of Turtleboy blogs these days it’s hard to rank em all.

Obviously 15 Cents burgeoning rap career has taken off since this video premiere. It’s brought him to such glamorous places as Market Basket….

And McDonald’s, where employees ask him to stop taking pictures of them, but he takes them anyway:


Things will pick up one of these days as he’s clearly on the road to stardom. In the meantime he needs some cash to get that first record label off the ground, so he’s doing what I did when I was 10 years old to make money:

Nah dude, I got a snowblower and shit. If you want you can drive your car over to my house and pick it up. Oh wait…..

Don’t worry, things are gonna pick up any day now. Your big break is definitely coming. Definitely. And when it does, you’re finally gonna be able to afford that razor you always dreamed of. After that you’ll be able to get rid of that collection of dirt, Big Mac special sauce residue, and broken dreams that’s growing on top of your upper lip.

Evidently Poop Dog over here has wanted our attention for a long time. We must’ve missed this message because sadly we are not Facebook friends with him:

We wrote the wrong article? He sent this on February 19, 2016. Apparently he was referring to this blog:

Webster Lovers Both Being Arrested For DUI’s While Driving Same Car Less Than A Quarter Mile Is The Most Webster Story Ever

Screen Shot 2016-02-19 at 11.06.08 AM

Yup, that’s his boy right there – Jared Brinkley. He pulled off an impressive feat we’ve never see before – the two for one DUI. Both he and the skagbag he was slinging yogurt at got a DUI on the same half mile car ride. All these Webster-Dudley junior hoodboogers roll together. One of them gets blogged about and we’re pretty much guaranteed to hear from the whole crew. I’m getting hard just thinking about the diss track they’re gonna unleash after this blog.

That actually gives me an idea. If anyone out there ever feels slighted or misrepresented by a Turtleboy blog, if you make a diss track video, we will post it in a followup redemption blog. From here on out that’s our new policy. Just bring your A game, and no notebooks like Methamphetamine Man over here.

13 Comment(s)
  • Tony's #1 fan FRFR
    March 14, 2018 at 3:25 am

    Ain’t nobody ever brought it like the Dr. Phil famous Tony DeYoung.
    The man raps about his pain in the epic track “Balls Deep”. It’s about the pain brought on by some family members, in his case it is his uncle that plows his dirt tube on the regular in return for a place to crash on the couch until his boundless talent and creativity are finally recognized and he rightfully takes his place on the rap god throne with Eminem making him sandwiches.
    He in a class all his own.
    Special Ed class, that is.
    Show some love, give Tony’s uncle a bunch of thumbs up.

    • Quality Control
      March 14, 2018 at 9:32 am

      ^ Awesome. FRFR 100

  • whatevuh
    Dick Hertz from Holden
    March 13, 2018 at 9:52 am

    Will these rachets ever turn out to be productive? WTF man !! Life-long losers

  • z
    March 13, 2018 at 8:05 am

    Yoo uHH Few YearSS AgOO mAh NEphEW mENTionEdd WiggAS. At Da TyMMMM AHH didn’t UnDerStAnd DAA MEANiN o’ Da W3RDD. Aftr He ExpLaInEDDDD IT me Ah Thort iz WEree Uh Offensivv term.

    jump AheAd Uh Few YeArs.

    I Find TurTLebOysportS.

    i FinD UsiNNN DA TeRm WiggAs Nahhh LoNguh OffEnsIv.

    That being said, I have no problem with listening to “House of Pain”

  • Klitty Litter
    March 13, 2018 at 7:46 am

    Worst diss-track evah.
    Green Mile, 8 Mile….who gives a fuck.
    This kid wreaks like a cheap Webduh apartment.

  • kkknra
    March 13, 2018 at 5:11 am

    that dudes face makes me want to beg for a sandwich
    I would give it to him too, then he can be a sandwich wrapper.

  • Becca Munoz Brillo
    March 13, 2018 at 2:23 am

    Title – Ode to the M Smith Diss Track
    “Oh my god M Smith, who’d thought you knew where the dial is
    Whackin and brackin, livin your rhymes, the Style was
    All the while, that Southbridge chick tries
    Tries to wear yah, tries to hear yah, but she can’t, cus’ none of us can
    You speakin into a leper fool, one with no fear
    Can you hear me Munoz Becca, gotcha your wrecker right right yeah right here
    I’ll save you though girl, from the emo criminal M Smith swirlz
    He’s your hero, he’s our hero, he got the ballz by the world
    So heed us cuz, Neno was, crazy gangsta with the flat brimmed bull
    Cept’ his Becca lapsed by reason and to the T Deyoung she went full
    Full Monty, asti spumante, and you both hawk the bluntz
    But your dis track is an afrontz, to the eyes boy, the ears boy, and all that hunts the Turtle
    Go Go get’m Durst, just make sure you time out at the Market Basket first!”

    • Becca With The Bad Hair Pie
      March 14, 2018 at 9:37 am


      Fries are done. Go get ’em, bitch.

  • Kevin Fleury
    Richard Cranium
    March 13, 2018 at 2:01 am

    What a “shocker”!

  • America First
    Trump Tha God
    March 13, 2018 at 1:22 am

    His cracked head mother, or probably sister (not an age compliment; lots of miles on that speedometer) looks like she fell off the ugly tree, hit every branch, and lost all her teeth – except one.

    • Uncle Randy
      March 13, 2018 at 2:16 am

      Speedometers don’t count mileage, dumb fuck.

    • Becca Munoz Brillo
      March 13, 2018 at 2:38 am

      That’s a human!!?? I figured he just pimp’d out his blow up doll. 🙂
      Fuck, what she been doing, eating her crack pipes after every dozen rocks?

  • Heavy ButtCheeks
    March 13, 2018 at 1:19 am

    Why you gotta hate on the Web, brah?


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