Welcome Back Bruins Fans, Here’s What You’ve Missed From Your Boston Red Sox

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Finally over the Boston Bruins heartbreaking Game 7 loss to the Montreal Canadiens. I’ve come to terms with it and it’s time to move onto the Boston Red Sox. If you haven’t seen any games this year here’s a quick update of what you’ve missed:

  • The Red Sox are 20-22. They’ve lost three in a row, and if they lose to Detroit today it will be the first 4 game losing streak in the John Farrell era. That’s an insane stat.
  • Luckily for the Red Sox the AL East has gone from the best in MLB to the crap happiest group of rag tags you will ever see. They redefine mediocrity. That’s good because they’re only 2.5 games behind the Orioles and Yankees, both of whom suck.
  • The biggest reason they reigning World Champs are struggling is that Clay Buchholz is terrible. Not trading him when his value was high is going to be a giant mistake. He’s done as an effective starter. He has no velocity, and his ERA is 6.17.
  • Jon Lester has been awesome. He’s the undisputed ace of this team and their only consistently solid pitcher. He leads the team in strikeouts and his ERA is a rock solid 2.67.
  • Felix Doubront, John Lackey, and Jake Peavy are all hit or miss. Lackey occasionally gets blown up, and follows that with a gem. Peavy is consistently mediocre. Doubront is getting better as the season goes along. None of them are a real #2 starter. The Red Sox desperately need to trade for one.
  • Koji Uehara continues to be the best closer in the history of the world. He’s 9 for 9 in save opportunities, his ERA is 1.08, he’s walked three batters all season, and he has 25 strikeouts in 16 innings. Oh yea, and the only two runs he’s allowed have been solo home runs. The man was ROBBED of the Cy Young by the baseball establishment last year.

Boston Red Sox  v Tampa Bay Rays

  • The new guy that we got from St. Louis, Edward Mujica, sucks. You won’t like him very much at all.
  • The rest of the bullpen is solid. Junichi Tazawa is as good as he was last year, Chris Capuano is surprisingly not terrible, and we have a new guy named Burke Bradenhop who gets into jams a lot but always finds a way out of them
  • David Ortiz continues to find ways to beat MLB drug tests and is only getting better with age. He is by far the best player on this team and leads us with 11 home runs, 25 RBI, and a .308 average.
  • Dustin Pedroia has been alright, but nothing special. Only a matter of time until he starts going off.
  • Mike Napoli continues to do what he does best – mash the ball (22 RBI) and strikeout (44 in 143 AB).
  • A.J Pierzynski is exactly what we thought he would be. He never walks (4), doesn’t strike out much (18), hits RBI (20), and is a giant meathead who is well liked by teammates.
  • Grady Sizemore was all the rage for about a week when he started off hot. Now he’s back to sucking and reminds us that we never really did anything about Jacoby Ellsbury leaving.
  • Jackie Bradley Jr, and Will Middlebrooks are terrible. Neither is hitting over .200, both strike out a lot, and luckily Middlebrooks is on the DL. This is what happens when you date Jenny Dell.
  • Xander Bogaerts is coming along alright. He can’t field though, and he hasn’t hit for any power (2 HR, 6 RBI). He can hit though, and he’s had 11 game hitting streak. He is definitely a huge part of the future.
  • Jonny Gomes continues to suck. Occasionally he hits a home run and says “Boston Strong” so he stays in the good graces of the pink hats. Our thoughts on him are well documented.

So yea, that’s about it. The bad news is we’re not nearly as good as we were last year mainly because of Buchholz and the fact that we failed completely in our attempt to replace Elllsbury. The good news is that Papi is still Papi, Pedey hasn’t taken off yet, Lester is still a rock, and Koji is still fist pumping like a champion. They’ll still win the AL East, get back in the playoffs, and then anything can happen from there.



Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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1 Comment(s)
  • Joey G
    May 18, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Baseball in May is so boring that not even Turtleboy can make it interesting.

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