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Westminster Board of Health Drops Tobacco, Cigarettes Ban Because Freedom Is Awesome

Westminster bans smoking

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Hey Westminster, do you like FREEDOM? Because you’ve got some sweet, delicious, addicting, cancerous freedom coming your way!! Remember last week when the Westminster Board of Health threatened to ban the sale of cigarettes and all tobacco products? This guy right here became a God damn American hero by giving the Board of Health some Westminster filibustering justice when they wouldn’t let him speak:

Westminster cigarettes banned


Well apparently it all worked out in the end. Today the Westminster Board of Health voted 2-1 to drop the tobacco sales ban proposal. Picture trying to explain someone who lives in North Korea what democracy is all about. Ya see, here in America “boards” of three people tell entire villages that they can’t buy a back of smokes. Then the townsfolk go down to the elementary school, start shouting about freedom, and bust into an impromptu rendition of God Bless America. Then they get what they want. That’s how democracy works. Murica.

And when I saw that it was a 2-1 vote me and everyone else who have been watching this circus unfold knew who the one board member to vote NOT to drop the ban was. This picture speaks a thousand words:

Westminster bans smoking


That is the face of two men who never gave a shit about smoking or banning cigarettes, and deeply regret ever hitching their wagon this trainwreck. But not Andrea Crete. This is in the Top 5 worst days of her life. Sure, she could’ve just voted with the board on something that clearly was gonna pass anyway. She could’ve saved face and actually tried to do what was clearly the will of the people she represents. However, this is the face of a woman who is deeply disappointed that you don’t know what is best for you:

Andrea Crete Westminster


A grand total of zero fucks given today by Andrea Crete. She knows what’s best for you Westminster, and you’re all too dumb to realize that. Don’t you get that? She’s closing her eyes because she’s so upset that grown adults will be making decisions for themselves!! What has this country come to when smokeshows (whether or not you agree with her, her smokeshow status is simply undeniable) like Andrea Crete can’t police personal behavior and commerce?

So what’s up next for the Westminster Board of Health? I heard kids are getting hooked on pills. Let’s ban pharmacies. And America’s getting way too fat. Time to shut down the Old Mill Restaurantsince their food is so delicious and fat people won’t be able to resist the temptation. Let’s get on that Andrea. You can’t let this one setback stop you from saving the world from itself!!! You go girl!!

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1 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    November 20, 2014 at 3:00 am

    You’re thinking too small, TB. Andrea needs to go big, or go home. Ban sugar! Or cancer! Now THAT’S something everyone can get behind. I mean, who’d be against banning cancer?

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