Who is More Racist: Rancher Cliven Bundy or L.A. Clippers Owner Donald Sterling?

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Old people are really racist. It’s just a fact of life. I don’t care how cool your grandfather is, chances are that some point in his life he said some really racist shit. But it’s 2014 those type of comments are generally better left for Christmas dinners where family only is present. It doesn’t make it OK to say it in this setting, but it’s kind of like the societal code. Grampa just says really racist things around the holidays and you try vainly to correct him but he refuses to change a damn thing because he’s really old. Young people agree not to make a big deal about it as long as it’s kept in-house.

But in the last couple days we’ve had two old dudes who completely violated the code. One is a rancher and Tea Party darling named Clive Bundy, and the other is the owner of the L.A. Clippers Donald Sterling. My question is, who is the bigger racist? It’s a tough one, so let’s look at the resumes.

Cliven Bundy


The Cliven Bundy dispute started off harmlessly enough. He was a rancher from Nevada who apparently has been grazing his delicious cattle on federal land for 20 years. Since the Interior Department owns that land, they kind of, ya know, wanted it back and wanted him to pay them the money he owed. So when federal agents went to go claim their land back it became a rallying cry for every gun-toting nutjob in a 500 mile radius to come and defend the old man. The posse somehow chased off the Interior Department rangers who most likely decided to just wait for the old crazy Grandpa to die first. Turned into a giant standoff.

Of course whenever you tell the federal government to go fuck themselves you’re gonna get support from Republicans. Rand Paul and every other God fearing, government hating republican politician out there came to the guy’s defense.

Then he said this:

“I wanna tell you one more thing I know about the nigra. I go to north Las Vegas, and I would see these little houses. And in front of that government house the door was usually open. And there’s usually a half a dozen people sitting on the porch. They didn’t have nothing to do. They didn’t have nothing for their kids to do. They were on government subsidy. So now what do they do? They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves picking cotton, doing things? Or are they better off on government subsidy? They got less freedom now. They’ve got less family lives. And you can see in their faces they’re not happy there on the sidewalks. Down there they were probably growing turnips.”

Damn Grandpa, you racist. If this guy isn’t in touch with the average American black man, then nobody is. I mean, I’m sure if you polled African-Americans at least 75% would agree to sign up to become slaves if it was offered to them.

Now someone who actually gave a fuck would probably retract that statement and go into hiding. But of course old people are never, ever wrong. They just need to explain themselves by talking more and making it much, much worse:

“What King wanted was that she could sit anywhere in the bus, not just the front. I want here to be able to sit anywhere in the bus and that’s what he wanted. He didn’t want this prejudice thing the media is putting on me. That’s not what he wanted and that’s not what I wanted. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Yea media, why are you putting this prejudice thing on him. What could you possibly think is prejudice about saying that black people are better off as slaves? America is about freedom, and nothing says freedom like slavery!!!


Somehow he managed to find a way to make it worse…

“When you talk about prejudice you’re talking about not being able to exercise your feelings and say what you want. But we don’t have the freedom to say what we want. If I say “nigger” or “black boy”, or uh, uh, slave….if those people can’t listen to those words and not get offended then Martin Luther King hasn’t done his job yet. I should be able to say those things and they shouldn’t offend anybody.”

LOL. Damn Grampa, you racist!!! This is the kind of guy who watches the Fresh Prince of Belair and complains that Will Smith isn’t more like Theo Huxtable. But seriously though, black boy? People actually use that term? I mean, the “N” word is bad, but, black boy? Yikes. He had 24 hours to come up with something non-racist to say and he decided to go with the “It’s Martin Luther King’s fault that I can’t say black boy without being called a racist” defense. Absolutely zero fucks given by Cliven Bundy when it comes to racial issues.


Donald Sterling

This is so different from Cliven Bundy is so many ways. First of all, Cliven Bundy knew damn well he was being recorded. But at the same time Cliven Bundy’s livelihood is earned on the backs of cows. Donald Sterling’s livelihood is earned on the backs of African-American men.

This whole story is so bizarre I can’t stand it. First of all, what the hell is going on with this relationship? She’s taping conversations with him? Why? That’s only gonna get her into dump city. I assume she’s in this relationship for the cash, so how does this possibly benefit her?

Dude is a blatant racist, everyone knows that. And Southern California is filled with beautiful, plastic, white women who have no issue whatsoever with sleeping with an old guy like him until he dies and they get all his money. But despite that, he chooses a woman who is half black, half Mexican? Ummmmmm….am I missing something here? How does that make any sense at all?

So he doesn’t like when she’s seen at Clippers games with black dudes? Ummmmm why? I know some old racist dudes aren’t fond of mixing of the races, but I’ve never heard of an old racist dude who’s against races staying together. So like, if her family members are black, would Sterling be cool with that? I don’t get it.

At around 1:00 he made this statement:

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Had to laugh at this one. Minorities are fabulous? Yea I guess when Chris Paul and Blake Griffin are beating Golden State by 30 points? I assume that’s what he means there. The whole thing just got more bizarre as it went on. Here’s some of my favorite parts…

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So this is something that really confused me the whole time. Does Donald Sterling think his smokeshow girlfriend is white? And is he cool with being seen with a hispanic girlfriend, but not a black one? Where do these old racist guys come up with these rules?

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So painful? Is Donald Sterling really a character from Dawson’s Creek or something? What kind of grown ass man talks like this? Have some freaking pride man. Take a lap dude.

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Boom. Roasted.

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She’s supposed to be a delicate white girl? Huh? As opposed to a rough black woman? This guy has completely lost his marbles. He really wants his minority girlfriend to be white, but it’s just not working out for him.

Apparently his major beef is not that she’s hanging out with black dudes, but rather that she’s putting it on the internet?

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OK, so this is a completely new kind of racism folks. He’s cool with her socializing with black people, just not on camera. Because if his black girlfriend associates with black men on camera, how would that make him look like a white man?


Somehow he found a way to get even more outrageous.

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So he’s perfectly cool with her sleeping with black men, but just not being seen with them in public? You know you’re a racist when you care more about who your girlfriend goes to basketball games with than who she’s playing scrabble with. That’s like a new level of racism right there.

Then Magic Johnson somehow came up. The former Lakers Hall of Famer, and current worst analyst in the history of the world apparently was photographed with her, which started this whole fight in the first place. Oh yea, and he also had AIDS 20 years ago, which made this statement extremely hard to understand…

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So he’s cool with her doing the nasty with an African-American man who may or may not have the HIV, but he’s not cool with her taking a picture with him? Yea that makes sense. If I’m Donald Sterling my biggest beef with Magic is that he plays for the crosstown rival. You know who gives a shit about the Clippers? No one. Never have, never will. In time Blake and CP3 will both leave there and they will go back to their normal job of sucking. The Lakers will go back to being nasty and the universe will be balanced once again. That’s my beef with Magic if I’m Sterling. He is a large reason why no one besides Billy Crystal ever goes to Clippers games.

So the question now is what happens next? The Clippers players are allegedly discussing not playing in their next game against the Warriors. If they do that it will be the biggest power move in the history of sports. Probably should happen though. How could any African-American man go out and play for this dooshnozzle? I guess Blake Griffin could just play half the game since Sterling only has a problem with half of him right? That would make it J.J. Reddick and Hedo Turkoglu vs. the world. Unless Turks are on his minority list too?


Here’s another question – why the hell did CP3 and Doc Rivers wanna go play for this idiot? This wasn’t exactly a surprise. Dude is a notorious racist. How can they accept a paycheck from him and not feel like they in a way – own them? If I’m the Clippers I say fuck it and forfeit the season. Fuck this guy. Make him lose money and put public pressure on him to sell the team.


One thing I know for sure is this – when he delivers his public apology he won’t talk about how Martin Luther King failed because he still is labeled as a racist for calling Magic Johnson a “black boy.” Therefore I crown Cliven Bundy the champion racist today. Sterling cries like a dandy and won’t stick to his racist roots. Bundy will shoot you in the God damn head before he lets you change his mind.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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